DNR in place - we seem to have arrived here rather quickly.

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by chrisdee, Feb 28, 2015.

  1. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    171
    Yorkshire
    Mum has deteriorated very quickly since recent hospital admission for broken hip. She is now in a local nursing home near my brother and 10 miles from me. Very little eaten and drunk for past 2 weeks, increasingly weak and now in bed all day for the first time. doctor visited yesterday and consulted re DNR, which I fully agree with. It just seems to have happened rather suddenly,but I guess huge weight loss and incoherence were signs. Mum has had AD for 7/8 years and aged 91. I guess that I'm feeling very sad at this end stage, and just looking for support really.
     
  2. st4cy

    st4cy Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    9
    It is a very sad situation. Thinking of you x
     
  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Such a sad time for you
    Wish I could give you more than a cyber ((((((HUG))))))
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,665
    Salford
    It's very sad news chrisdee, my mother when downhill very quickly too, she put on a good show in front of our children on Christmas day (2012), eat quite a bit of Christmas dinner, wore a paper hat and everything, 3 days later she was in hospital and died there 48 hours later on new years eve. My mother had lived with me for 3 years and although I never saw it coming so quickly, I did see it coming, but you're never ready for it when it happens specially when it happens just out of the blue.
    All we can do is send you some cyber love from people who know your pain.
    K
     
  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,718
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry to read about your mum. Wishing you strength and her peace.
     
  6. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    I'm also sorry to read about your Mum. A very sad time for you and your family. Hold your Mum's hand and say all you need to; it's often said that hearing is one of the last senses to go.

    Thinking of you

    Lyn T
     
  7. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    So sad for you and your family. My mum wasn't formally diagnosed until May, though we knew there was a problem well before that. I had no idea that we would lose her in less than a year; it all went downhill so fast.
     
  8. Lady in blue

    Lady in blue Registered User

    Mar 6, 2015
    23
    Sheffield
    We had a conversation with Mums GP some time ago about her DNAR status and it was a very distressing thing to talk about it at the time. However, we know that it is the right decision for Mum now she is in the advanced stages of AD.
    I am from a nursing background and know that to have a DNAR status does not mean that she won't be treated symptomatically and kept comfortable when bad things happen. I wouldn't want any 'big guns' being used as she moves to the end of her life.
     
  9. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    171
    Yorkshire
    Thank you all for comforting thoughts. Maybe you would care to see my latest post
    'The train has stopped'. Sadly, Mum passed away on Wednesday. She was indeed made comfortable to the end.
    Christine.
     
  10. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    124
    I am very sorry to hear of your loss. My mum is in the advanced/severe stage of vascular dementia 5th year now and it is such a hard journey and cannot believe sometimes Mum has survived this long but your words hit home with me 'The train has stopped' because sometimes I wish it would stop to end her suffering and my heartache too knowing that I will have to like you deal with the end...
    My thoughts are with you and I wish you peace and the best memories of your Mum which are always so precious. xx
     
  11. Lady in blue

    Lady in blue Registered User

    Mar 6, 2015
    23
    Sheffield
    flower1 - I couldn't have put it better.
    chrisdee - please accept my sympathy at this difficult time.
     
  12. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    171
    Yorkshire
    Thank you for your thoughtful post flower1,and indeed my thoughts are with you as this late stage is the hardest. Just hold on and think that many have walked the same path. There is no knowing if it will be quick or slow.
    Its very mixed feelings which see-saw terribly when they do pass away, even though I knew it was the right time for Mum.
     
  13. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    124
    Thank you Chrisdee, being honest feel quite anxious/scared for when the end does come but hope I will gather the strength as you said from others who have walked the same path. Thanks again and take care xx
     
  14. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    My loving thoughts are with everyone but especially those who are facing the end of the long and often harrowing journey of their loved ones. Hopefully for all it will end peacefully, pain free and in the company of loved ones as my beloved husband's life did recently.

    Chrisdee - thinking of you as you come to terms with the loss of your Mum - she is at peace now. Take care of yourself and may your memories comfort and sustain you.
     
  15. Bigs is

    Bigs is Registered User

    Feb 12, 2013
    10
    Suffolk
    I could have written your first post Chrisdee.
    Mum had her second hip fracture three weeks ago.She wouldn't stand in hospital after surgery and stopped eating and drinking. She has mixed dementia.
    Like you I am struggling to get my head round how we got here. Meeting with the GP tomorrow to discuss end of life care. I was sure she would pick up again when back at the care home but she has just grown weaker despite all our efforts.

    So very sad but don't want her to suffer too much longer.
    Hope you now have peace and can remember better times

    Bigsis xx
     

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