1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    I feel really low tonight, don't know why, just do. Don't really have the right to feel low, as i'm sure others will be going through a lot worse than me.

    I spoke to the physio at the hospital and she said that i should try to cut down on visiting, she said if i build my life around this, it will hurt all over again when i lose him, she said i should start to find a life that does not involve going to visit twice a day. I know she meant well, but i worry that if i don't visit and he dies, then i will feel guilty because i missed the chance of spending time with him.

    Drove my car into a lamp post today, it was a stupid place to put a lamp post anyway!!!

    Regards
    Alex
     
  2. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    feeling low

    HI ALEX,you have every reason to feel low , and i dont think anyone can be going through WORSE than you ,some maybe as bad , but not worse ,i can understand you visiting your husband as much as you can , i did the same for mine ,jim MY HUSBAND died 12 months this week , and i would not do it any different if i had the time again , however to visit twice every day is more than anyone could possibly expect , i did once a day , then tried to take one day of while other family visited , but i was on pins all the time i was away , but you dont know how long it may go on , so please be a little kinder to yourself and cut it back just a little bit , otherwise you will crack up , as you must sometimes feel on the verge of , What part of the country do you come from ?i am from swinton nr manchester ,not quite as young as you , but JIM was just 55 when diognosed with AD and just 63 when i lost him , so still quite young ,STAY STRONG ,ANGELA
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Alex,
    Have to echo Angela's response to
    .
    Those lamp posts. the way they jump out in front of you sometimes!! Are you OK? (was there anyone else involved?). The car is a piece of metal and can be dealt with.

    What do you think your husband would be telling you about visiting, if he were able to? Do you work, or have you worked in the past Alex? I am sure your husband would want you 'up and running', so that he knows that you are OK and settled.

    Hiya Angela,
    How are you doing? I think the first anniversary can be difficult, because you are replaying the record from last year in your mind (I certainly found that with my FIL anniversary that was 12 days ago). Thinking of you. Best wishes.
    Amy
     
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    I did this initially with Jan, but have found that it is possible to split my life, and thus to be able to visit as often as possible [Since Jan entered the home in 2001 I have recently reduced from 7/7 to 4/7 though I am still, 5 years on, in torment at doing even that], yet not 'build my life around that' - though Nina would disagree with that.

    During our time together, I give Jan my all. Outside the visits, I try to rebuild my own life, though of course she is always in my thoughts and I constantly worry.
     
  5. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    "I feel really low tonight, don't know why, just do. Don't really have the right to feel low, as i'm sure others will be going through a lot worse"


    Oh Alex I think you have every right to feel low..... And I really think you have to follow your heart on this....you must do what you think is right for YOU. However why not try to cut down your visits to one a day for a couple of days to see how you feel....I'm really no expert on this but I can understand to a certain extent....When my dad was dying I spent as much time as I could with him at the hospital...on three occasions I got the" middle of the night "calls to say he was fading fast and rushed over to see him and each time he rallied round...on the fourth call I got there 5 minutes too late......I was devastated....God how I hated myself....however with time I've realized my lovely dad wanted to spare me the hurt of the end and I've learned to accept that.
    As for lamp posts....I had a similar experience with a telegraph pole......I'm sure they jump out at you!!!!
    Love
    Wendy
    x
     
  6. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Don't ever feel like you don't deserve to be low.....it just makes it harder to cope...and you do have every reason to be low.

    I think it really hit home for me about a month ago when I went to an aquaintance's wedding and for the entire night, the bride's mother kept coming up as a topic in most of the speeches, and I could see the pain on the face of all of the bride's family whenever it was mentioned, because their Mum/wife had passed away. The thing that blew me away was that she had died over 10years prior.....it made me realise that although society makes us all feel that we are crying over a very little thing....death is a BIG thing, something that can still affect a family over a decade later.

    An then we have alzheimer's/dementia....the death of a loved one, over and over and over again.

    Don't ever ever feel guilty....any of you. You are not weak or being over-dramatic when you feel this pain....this is what this kind of trauma does to a human...just noone tends to talk about it, so we all go on thinking we are the weak ones.
     
  7. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Alex,
    Just emerging from a very low place, I can tell you that it is natural as rain. I see and spend time with my Mom every day and have people say that is too much. I know I need to do something outside of AD for myself and am working on that. One thing we do not want is to go down with this disease ! I won't tell you not to visit, but try to do things that have nothing to do with AD. I know it is hard but it will be good for you and your husband. Go out for coffee, visit a friend, read a book (other than an AD help book), see a movie, volunteer.....I can think of many things that I need to do too !!!
    Take care,
    Debbie
     

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