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Distressed by my call to dad


Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
I called dads CH after lunch today and was told dad was eating well and having a good day apparently eating soup, main and pudding and had surprised them with his appetite. Dad was talking to someone in the dining room so I said I didn't want to disturb him as thought nice that he was possibly starting to engage with others. I said if it was OK then I would call later in the day and was told would be fine. I took a wreath to cemetery as was mum's birthday today so time I got back to calling CH was around 4.45pm. The nurse had a bit of a job finding dad saying he had been wandering around but eventually found him. I was pretty shocked when speaking with dad in fact at one point even wondered if it was dad but did recognise odd bits he said. Dad was very disorientated mumbling saying he would see me at 7.30pm to which I just kinda said yes ok dad. I asked dad if he could pass the phone to the lady but seems no one was around but trying to have any sort of conversation with dad was near impossible and one point he started making a really strange noise down the phone. In the end I felt I just had to disconnect the call as dad was unable to do anything his end and couldn't pass the phone to anyone. I called the CH back a few minutes later and explained how dad was and asked if dad had been given any different medication. The nurse said no dad was only having antibiotics prescribed for the UTI and said he had been in the dining room so was probably tired I said I had never heard dad sound so bad and told her I did wonder if was dad but she confirmed dad is the only one with that name. I'm feeling pretty shocked is this what going into the CH has done to him? if so he has gone downhill faster than I expected.
I haven't spoken with sister regarding the call as she put the phone down on me again on Thursday and there has been no contact between us since. I am annoyed and upset as I had relayed and updated my sister on all information and calls to CH and dad since he went in but I have no idea what dad was like yesterday as she couldn't be bothered to inform me despite my sending a polite text to ask how dad was. In order to not put extra work on for carers/nurses in CH when they are no doubt very busy we had agreed we would each take turns to call them and also try and speak to dad every other day each as well. I give up with sister I have a visit to see dad on December 14th she can make whatever arrangements she can herself. Lady from ASC is visiting dad on Tuesday as delayed another visit last week due to dads UTI.
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Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
South East
I can understand how upsetting it must be to hear dad like that , the uti’s cause so much havoc , you can only see how he is once free of infection . Wether it is a combination of ch and infection only time will tell , BUT you had no other choice , your dad needs 24hr care and trained staff to care for him , he is warm and safe and eating . Hope the Antibiotics do their job soon . Take care and please don’t beat yourself up , you have done your very best for your dad . As to sister I have no words , maybe the radio silence is a blessing .big hugs 🤗 🤗


Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
hello wildflowerlady, dont worry too much he may well be tired and in my experience, they do tend to wander after tea in the afternoon. take the good points that he has eaten well, talking to others and spending time in the dining room rather on his own. maybe put it down to the wrong time of the night and were you feeling sad about your mums birthday which would put a dampner on the reaction of your dad. look forward to the visit where he will be well and not on antibiotics. believe me an UTI knocks you off your feet


Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
I'm sorry that call wasn't great @Wildflowerlady, but I wonder if your dad was sundowning and totally confused as to who he was speaking to, or why he was speaking to them.
I wouldn't worry your sister about it, and try not to worry yourself about things either, which I know is easier said than done.
Hope the visit on the 14th goes well.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
I think you were just unlucky to be phoning when he was probably tired and sundowning and also has a UTI which always makes them more confused.
The date would also have made it harder for you emotionally too.

You are bound to have the odd bad call/visit, but there are lots of reasons to be cheerful from the care home - eating well, interacting with the other residents. This is good progress in what has been a quite short time