dissapointed with the assement feel like they just were not interested

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by tattytwee, Jul 11, 2019.

  1. tattytwee

    tattytwee Registered User

    Jun 10, 2019
    22
    I had to get an emergency assessment for 84 FIL who's caring for MIL aged 84 with quite advanced dementia. This assessment was required as they have had no medical checks and no check ups etc for over 5yrs. He's basically struggled along all this time anyway mam was becoming quite agressive with him throwing stuff etc screaming shouting at him, she totally refuses to change her clothes or be washed and hasn't been washed or bathed properly in months, the lady came from Social services yesterday and knocked at the door we welcomed her in and sat her down in front room with myself my husband, my MIL FIL our niece,who's been trying to help them ,the lady said who she was and introduced herself in a whisper we could barely hear let alone 84 years Olds with hearing problems anyway then she just sat there looking dumbstruck and didn't utter a word, I had to speak out and explain to them why she was here, she didn't try and make any conversation with mam ,she didn't ask any questions until I prompted her, I feel she didn't understand the problems we were asking for help with and although after I kept asking her questions and she fumbled around stuttering some answers and eventually I suggested she look at the bathroom and how the wheelchair won't fit through the door she did take note of that, she didn't raise any questions about the aggression concerns, we have , basically I felt like I'd done the assessment for her, I feel totally letdown after her visit and feel I shouldn't have had to keep pushing her to ask MIL and FIL what
    Their needs are ,I could tell she was wanting to rush off but I kept on asking, I had to keep pushing and pushing to get any information from her, when I spoke to the triage team and told them of our concerns about dad being absolutely worn out and needing her in some respite care while he can sort out a care plan, she just mentioned she leave a list of care homes which she didn't even remember to give us and the agression from mam when he tries to wash her

    and about her throwing stuff at him they were really helpful and they needed an emergency assessment, well we got very little help from this ladies so called safeguarding emergency assessment
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,908
    Female
    Scotland
    Your assessment of this SW needs to go back to her supervisors pronto. Her incompetence will affect others as well as you. Insist they send out a senior officer.
     
  3. tattytwee

    tattytwee Registered User

    Jun 10, 2019
    22
     
  4. tattytwee

    tattytwee Registered User

    Jun 10, 2019
    22
    Thanks ,i am going to call them but I need to cool down first or I will just blow a fuse and rant and rage at the moment I'm so upset and angry about it, its took ages for us to make the decision and go behind fil and mil back and ask for this help on their behalf ,it wasn't an easy thing to do, but after he repeatedly told us he could manage and quite clearly we could see he couldn't cope and he refused to accept any help whatsoever, it just had to be done and I bulldozed him into agreeing to let this person into the house ''to get some support '' and I feel that I may as well have saved myself all the anguish and worry and just not bothered, as the SW was clearly not that bothered about our concerns ,she didn't ask them anything of any substance, he wasn't told about any costs or anything about respite, honestly if I hadn't kept on at her, she would have been gone in less 10 mins.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,812
    Female
    South coast
    Did your dad say that he didnt want any help, or something that implied that?
    If he did, then the SW wouldnt have pushed for anything - she would be taking her cue from your dad and no-one else.

    BTW, its normal not to mention finances at this stage. After needs have been identified and an agreement about what help is required, financial assessment to find out how much you would pay is done as a second stage,
     
  6. tattytwee

    tattytwee Registered User

    Jun 10, 2019
    22
    No he actually agreed he needed help and was struggling to cope with her mood changes and agressive behaviour when he tried to wash or change or clean her after accidents and we were quite shocked how open and honest he was after all the months he's denied he's been struggling ,its was like he was relieved that he could finally say how bad things are for him and how worn out he is
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,812
    Female
    South coast
    Thats dreadful that she took no notice then.
    I agree with marionq - contact her superiors. You may want to send an email rather than a phone call. You can make sure that the tone is what you want, you wont lose your temper with the person the other end and, even better, there is a paper trail.
     
  8. tattytwee

    tattytwee Registered User

    Jun 10, 2019
    22
    Thank you, that's a great idea, im just really stressed out with months of trying to get FIL to accept he's not coping and that they both need professional help and advice before there is a terrible accident or injury and when I finally do get him to accept help, it was a complete letdown as far as I'm concerned.
     
  9. tattytwee

    tattytwee Registered User

    Jun 10, 2019
    22
    . I should have added we don't live close by either, ,ive a 400 miles round trip each week to go and see them and most of the time when I go, he welcomes me and then halfway through my first cup of tea, hes saying ''don't you think you should be going, it's a long way home for you, traffic will be bad etc anything he can to get rid of me so I don't see too much or try to help them, he doesn't like anyone in the house at all, and we know it's because he's afraid that we will interfere to much as ''he was coping just fine ''!!!!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.