Disgusting urine problem.. sorry

[Linbrusco]

Dad 81 with mild mixed dementia.
Had surgery 5 yrs ago for enlarged prostate, and is on tablets for urinary frequency.
Dad lives on his own behind me.
My brother lives with him off & on, between girlfriends

Since January we have smelt a mild urine odour in dads room.
He has a waterproof mattress protector. No signs of incontinence, no obvious patches on carpet.
He has a nightlight in hallway.
One time I spotted a plastic container beside his bed.
I asked him what it was for... he says he has a lot of spit ( he smokes) so he spits in it
He has hankies besides his bed?
Today I’ve gone over... and what do I find? A plastic container right beside his bed filled to the brim with urine & spit

He says he does it because he doesnt want to wake my brother at night flushing the loo.
Yes my brother was there last night, but hasnt been there for past 3 mnths, and this was when I found the container last time.
I asked Dad if he was being caught short at night or just lazy to get out of bed.
After ignoring my question, he finally admitted to being too lazy.

I also think he is sleeping in his clothes at night judging by his neatly folded pjs my sister placed on top of the other pillow still there from weeks ago.
Heaven knows the smell if he kicked the container over

I dont think its a case of being caught short, as I can often be out shopping or at Mums care home with Dad 2-4 hrs and he doesnt go to the loo once.
Not like when he had his prostate issue. No obvious signs of urinary incontinence, not that he would admit to either.

Any suggestions?

 

[Izzy]

Would your dad accept a commode beside his bed? Of course it would still need to be emptied but it would be better than a container.

 

[marionq]

One of the unpleasant aspects of dementia is that old inhibitions of social behaviour go out the window. This is worse when the person lives alone and there is no one to keep them in check. Long long ago when I was 11 my grandmother left my grandfather because she couldn't stand any more of his spitting. I remember it well because I was given the job of doing his shopping. She was persuaded to go back to him when it transpired he was really very ill with a lung problem.

So, the issue of old people doing unattractive things is not new. Does NZ have personal care assistants supplied by social services? Someone going in for an hour each morning to clean him and his surroundings would be better for all of you.

 

[Linbrusco]

Its been and is a struggle for him to accept any care.
He didnt either when Mum was at home ( Alz and in care 3 yrs)
but then he didnt look after her either.
Basically because my Dad has me there, although seperate houses and my brother comes and goes hes not entitled to any home help, housework etc.
As he is still capable of bathing, dressing, cooking no other assistance at this stage.

His hygiene and cleanliness around the home is suffering.
I’ve told him he’s getting a weekly cleaner as his Dr has ordered one ( he has money to pay) I have to find one through our Dementia Key worker.
Someone that has experience with dementia and a strong stomach preferably
I dont think he would take to a commode but maybe a urinal bottle?

 

[Grannie G]

At times like this @Linbrusco the loss of dignity is hard to take.

My mother stopped flushing the toilet in order to save water. She had lost her sense of smell but the guest toilet which she used was right by the front door and anyone who visited was greeted by the smell.

I hope you manage to get a cleaner your dad will accept.

 

[Linbrusco]

I’ve found a NZ website that sells spillproof male urinals , and non slip absorbent bedside or toilet mats Hooray.
I dont have a lot of sympathy or empathy in this respect. He used to give my Mum such a hard time about her toileting habits, and make fun of her.
Also forcing her out of bed at 5am for a shower, and to get dressed , so that when her carer arrived he could send her away
Mum used to be in such a state.

 

[maryjoan]

My OH has decided not to use the toilet - he KNOWS the difference. But he prefers to wee into the wash hand basin - because, he says, it suits his well over 6 foot height better......
Drives me potty ( excuse the pun) when he goes into the bathroom - we are in a bungalow, so I know) and I do not hear a flush - because I know he has weed in the hand basin, again, - I am about to go in there for a shower etc, and will be using the basin myself to brush my teeth....

Oh it drives me mad

We only have one bathroom, and rent our home, so cannot add another

Dementia - how I hate you.

 

[MoodyC]

Toileting has become a problem for my husband for the past 6 months and began with not flushing, leaving used loo paper on the cistern and then puddles anywhere in the house (mostly at night). And of course, it wasn't him! If he does manage to get to the loo during the night there will often be a puddle in the bathroom which I then step into first thing in the morning! I've introduced a commode and place it in the hall at night in front of the closed living room door but so far he is reluctant to use it.

Also, he spits as he goes to the loo and I just thought it was part of his routine to aid relaxing before actually going. He doesn't smoke but I suppose it could be a sign of infection. I hadn't thought of that.

As for pyjamas …. I have given up persuading him to change ready for bed. It caused such bad feeling and resistance which meant ending the day on a negative. Since I accepted this, it's taken all the pressure off bedtime.

I hope you manage to solve the current problems. It seems that no sooner you solve one, then something else appears!

 

[canary]

Toileting with dementia is such an issue - especially when the frontal lobe is involved!
A spillproof urinal sounds a good idea - I hope he will accept it.
It sounds like you have got to get some help in "The doctor says......" is often a good ploy.