Hi I'm new to this forum and have joined because I've been increasingly worried about my mother-in-law, who has some memory problems which she is aware of and open about to a point. She and my father-in-law are both elderly and in failing health but so far care for and support each other. My worry is that she is really no longer able to care for or help him and needs more help herself than he should have to give her, given his own health. The burden that causes and the extent of her problem is not acknowledged in the family. Really I would like some advise on whether and how to broach the subject with them. My reasons for believing she has some form of dementia go back several years - lots of little incidents of odd behaviour, forgetfulness, and 'misremembering' (sort of making up stories to fill in gaps, if that makes sense?). Last time we visited I noticed that she was frequently rude to her husband, which is uncharacteristic and that he was humoring her. He hasn't openly said there is a problem, but he said he has to make plans for both of them and give her warning of any activity and he now does all the cooking because he feels it unsafe for her to do it - she used to be a proud housewife but she hardly seems to notice this. I do not know if she has recently seen anyone about this or has a diagnosis. Some years ago a GP told her forgetfulness was normal ageing. My in-laws live in a different part of the country, I think this may mean that when we see them we are more aware of the problem than family who live locally and make more regular but short visits. Even if they were fully aware, my sister-in-law, who does live locally, also has serious health concerns at the moment, so it would be unreasonable to expect that her family could take on the burden of care. This means that, because of the distance, my husband and I feel unable to give useful support and the situation has been allowed to drift. My husband agrees that his mother is 'losing the plot' a bit. When his father had a recent spell in hospital he persauded him to go to social services to seek help on the grounds of their general health needs and an assesment of needs was made. They were then offerred some help to make things easier for them, including such things as meals on wheels. This package, which to us sounded a good start, was turned down by my in-laws because they said they were not offerred anything they would find useful. My husband has discussed the general problem of aging parents who want to remain independant with his family- without having reached a solution - but won't specifically open the isssue of his mother's mental health. When I've said things to other family members they've said things like 'O she's always been like that' and I haven't liked to force the issue. I'm not sure if it would be of help if I did? I'm reasonably certain my father-in-law knows exactly the problem but does not feel willing to discuss it. My husband is similar and I guess just hopes it won't get any worse and I suspect that nobody in the family is ready to confront the problem. If you were me would you continue to let the problem drift until something happens to one of my in-laws, or is there more we could do now to be of practical help if I try to insist the family discuss this openly? Thank you for any insight, if you've been in a similar position.