Thanks for responding Lyn. You will know where I am coming from.
We think it is in Mum's best interests to remain where she is for the time being. All the ground that has been gained would be lost with a move to the wrong place, and she would be damaged emotionally by such a move. She was sectioned due to constant and ever-increasing tormented state down of course to her dementia, but also due to the environment. She has picked up no end with the help of a supportive environment (she needs high level of support) and medication, and I really do feel she should not be moved until the Home we have identified comes available. We are willing, perhaps, to consider the placement as an interim measure once buidling works are completed, but really don't want her there at the moment as it is.
Unfortunately she isn't well enough to be taken out, though she is still mobile. And the distance involved would make visitng frequently out of the question.
What a mess.
Yes, it is well known that Mum can't deal with noise and lots going on. She freaks out.
hello again Lulu
One of the triggers for my Mum's behaviour is also noise and too many people around ( especially if they are not behaving appropriately)
We were also under pressure to find somewhere for Mum under section 117 after her first nursing home failed and she ended up back in another assessment unit. i was pretty much told it was me that was unrealistic about care (I was worried about not only my Mum being beaten up but also her doing the beating up of more vulnerable clients)
They were desperate to get her out from the assessment unit where she was settled as they wanted the bed. I was told in a roundabout manner that they would take guardianship of my Mum if I didn't get real.
I have never felt so hurt in my life as I trusted their judgement and felt everything I had done thinking I was helping Mum was wrong.They told me she was end of life care, she would get hospital infections, they could not guarantee her safely etc etc. They told me I was wrong , wrong, wrong to think she was better off in hospital. She had to go. But I could not understand how any nursing home could cope while she was still the same person as previously, and the standards of care in nursing homes were still the same. she had simply improved because the care in the assessment unit was better than the care in the previous nursing home.
Anyway as you probably remember from other posts I caved in and accepted the only home that would now take her. They had as it turned out actually also been duped by the hospital to accept her and did not know how bad she could react when not getting what she wanted.
The move took place and went badly wrong. Though the hosital were cross about my unrealistic expectations of care it suddenly occured to me it was not me that was unrealistic and the problem ( though I was humiliated so much I thought it was)! it was my Mum! She was the one who was going to make or break this, not me!
Anyway she was given notice of eviction by the end of the weekend. The move nearly killed her and me, it was truly awful.
But every cloud has a silver lining. the carers and the whole set up at nursing home 2 was good, she just needed continual monitoring to stop her harming herself or others. As no where else would have her, not even the assessment unit, and at one time I thought she would surely need to be taken to a police cell, she was granted a reprieve, one to one care . She still attacks carers if they don't "please" her and her meds are still being tweeked to try and help us all, but at least for now no one is telling me I am somehow to blame or responsible for Mum's behaviour. You cannot imagine what a relief that is as I have felt a sense of blame for so long for how Mum behaves, like having a criminal or delinquant child and they blame bad parenting I suppose.
Sorry this is so long winded and muddled, but if you feel what they propose for your Mum is wrong then say so, but also reiterate that this is because you know your Mum and how you think she will react, but that you are not actually responsible for how she reacts. Hopefully they will hold her bed in the hopsital for a week or two in case it goes wrong and hopefully she will settle.
to be honest neither of the homes my Mum has been in were bad, I have really got on with the managers in both homes but it has been a nightmare for us all. they simply did not have the resources to meet Mum's needs. please try your best for your Mum but in the end the "system" sometimes makes it just too hard, but then I am sure your Mum too will then have the last word.