Disappointing Day Centre

[Reds]

Hi all

Had high regard for a day centre but view differently now and feel disappointed.

Thought staff were caring but clearly not enough as hardly any feedback. My husband has Alzheimer's and jocular behaviour and centre pre-warned. Unfortunately a 'new' comer who didn't realise overreacted and matter not dealt with well.

Lost trust and will not return as concerned about how another incident would be dealt with. Feel can't now be specialised enough in unusual behaviour problems as husband has lost some of his inhibition and that is why he needed a 'specialised' group to attend. Matter dealt with as though husband was at work and not as an unfortunate situation for someone who has an illness and is a vulnerable person too! Husband makes occasional inappropriate 'jokes' but he is a decent and considerate person. Earlier feedback should have been given if they felt husband unsuitable for group and in a respectable manner.

Realise also now it was a tense group as prickly with times and observation notes made in front of him on a regular basis whereas hoped would have been a 'relaxed' environment. Crafts were made but cannot understand why never encouraged to bring some home to show the family and why over several months not once taken out for a walk or something different.

Has anyone else had any experiences where day centres have not gone that well?

Reds

 

[marionq]

It's hard to know Reds when I am not actually there. I get a positive feel when John gets on the bus and shouts of "Hello John, nice to see you again" are heard from all and sundry. He doesn't know anyone's name but they all know his. He goes happily and comes home happy so I have to assume all is well in between. He did escape last month and police were out looking for him but they are dealing with that and no further problems.

Have you talked to the management about your concerns?

 

[Reds]

Thanks marionq.

Yes spoke to someone at Head Office and better communication than with an area manager but seemed like only an email was read about the upset rather than good people skills.

My husband goes to other groups where people really do look forward to seeing him.

Reds

 

[Reds]

Hi all

Would appreciate hearing about any tricky situations re day centres or even about good experiences particularly if partners etc have lost a bit of their inhibition.

Reds

 

[jeany123]

Reds my husband was nearly stopped from going to the day centre as he upset some of the staff with what he was saying and jokes he was making,

We were also told that some residents had changed the day they were there or wouldn't come from the CH that it was attached to when my husband was there, he is known for making stupid jokes and speaking his mind,

We arranged a meeting with the staff, manager and SW and started it without my husband there, then he was brought in,

My son and I attended and I got very upset, I do not think one of the staff had any idea about dementia and all he would say was "well he is very verbal",

I told them that he could not help the way he was and my son advised them how to handle him, i think they were encouraging him until it escalated out of control,

The manager and SW were very understanding and I don't think they realised the extent of his dementia as he is very plausible to talk to but when he was brought in and they talked to him it was very obvious,

They seemed to have more understanding after that and if they had problems it was mentioned a couple of times when they brought him home and I had a word with him but I don't know if it did any good,
anyway he has been going for over 5 years now and goes to the same CH for respite and they have got to know him and everything has settled down,

 

[Reds]

Thanks Jeany 123. Sounds like that was a difficult time but am glad to hear eventually things improved.

I feel so disappointed because obviously Alzheimer's can cause any type of behaviour be it violence, jocular, agitation etc so I think the day centre can't be dealing with matters very well as my husband can often be ok! He just likes to tell his repetitive stories, joke and occasionally might say and describe something inappropriately but is certainly not a bad person. He doesn't even like to watch dramas with bad language as has gone the opposite way. He has mainly lost his social skills and doesn't see the signal that not everyone will find his humour funny. Nevertheless day centre should have treated the matter with more respect.

Reds

 

[jeany123]

I agree Reds it doesn't seem as though they are handling it very well,

My husband thinks when people laugh in embarrassment by what he says that they think he is funny and it encourages him to continue, he has also lost a lot his inhibitions and does not read signs from other people or misreads them should I say,He has lost a lot of his social skills and he is very repetitive,

 

[Beate]

I made the mistake of choosing a day centre that's not just for people with dementia. Hence the doors weren't locked and OH started wandering off, plus he banged his hands on the table which apparently "disturbed the other clients".

We moved him to a day centre specially for people with dementia, and they are not bothered about anything he does. There are people far more disruptive there, and they are welcome also.

Try and find him another day centre.

 

[its a struggle]

Volunteer experience

I was a volunteer bus driver for a local day centre for a few months. The main reason I am no longer driving for them is the appalling lack of care, and nasty behaviour of both staff and various residents.
The manager was particularly vile, often berating the residents in front of others, backbiting & complaining about the centre staff & volunteers behind their backs.
When I mentioned this to my transport co-ordinator I was told 'yes we know she's a problem, but what can you do?'

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't report it any further , but when MIL (MD) decided recently that she wanted to 'join a club' I told her that place was awful and we'd find a nice one, and I DO tell anyone if they mention daycare not to choose that provider.

 

[Reds]

Thanks Jeany 123. My husband is exactly like how you describe your husband and this is the first communication I have had. One that I have been looking for in fact as find its hard to understand, it is confusing and I thought I was alone! Thanks so much for sharing this.


Thanks too 'its a struggle'. Must have been very hard for you and sometimes its so difficult to say what we feel to these people. Glad you have mentioned this as I can imagine it. I'm surprised our matter wasn't dealt with in a more caring way by the particular company in question. However, we do have a good support worker one morning a week from the same company and so far good.

Beate. I'm glad you found a better day centre and yes think much better when for dementia only.

Reds

 

[Reds]

So glad there are other places to go to. I think awful that my husband's illness hasn't been treated 'appropriately' at the day centre. People must remember he is quite different from the man he once was! He would never have joked so much and the way he does now plus would never have gone up to just about anybody. Feel sorry for him as he is aware something isn't right but he just can't stop it himself.

Reds

 

[Reds]

Any other comments about day centres would be appreciated.

Thanks, Reds

 

[Reds]

Very pleased to say that my husband attended a new group today and had positive feedback. A more relaxed group, thank goodness.

Reds

 

[Beate]

That's good to hear, Reds. It might make all the difference.

 

[Reds]

That's good to hear, Reds. It might make all the difference.

Thanks Beate!