1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Alfjess,
    So sorry your mother was `not herself` again today. I suppose you just have to make the most of the better days when you can.

    As far as a reassessment of your father, please don`t feel you need to explain yourself. All your reasons are perfectly logical and all are in the best interests of both your parents.

    It really would be wonderful if your parents could have some time together again.

    You are working yourself to a standstill trying to make thier final years as good as possible and I really have to hand it to you. No-one could do more.

    You take care, you must be exhausted.

    Love xx
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #22 Margarita, Feb 28, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2008

    Good point as I always think that , but understand that they have to rule every thing out , before they put it down to the dementia .

    quite a few years back my mother was complaining about pains in the chest , they done all tests ECG , true out that she has a very strong heart nothing wrong at all .

    All the pain she was feeling was pain of missing my father and seeing him die from a heart attract , so she must of been worried that she was going to have a heart attract .

    I find with my mother when she complaining about pains in her body , its normal an emotional pain , but with the dementia she getting all the message wrong in her brain .

    Does sound like your mother was having a bad day , when you posted , just keep notes about how many she has , also how many good days she has in say 8 weeks , so you can see how she progressing without the medication . if the bad days over weight the Good days , talk to doctor about it . to review the medication .

    does sound like good points .
  3. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    wasn't an assessment of needs conducted prior to acceptance from the home?if so were you there on assessment?either way let me know please.i have a vested intersest in this,for work purposes.elainex
  4. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi All

    Thanks for all you support again. It makes me feel better about moving Dad, that no one has highlighted any negative points.

    I'm sure there are some, but I have weighed all pros and cons and I think the positives outway the negatives.

    Dad has not yet been accepted to the new home. An assessment to see if they can meet his needs is still to be done.

    I will keep you posted.

  5. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi All Again

    My daughters visited Mum to-night (my turn for Dad) and Mum was extremely agitated again, saying some man was coming through the door to kill her:eek:

    There was no one in the doorway. The staff said Mum had been alright until after dinner to-night.

    If only we knew what triggers the agitation

    I am tired Sylvia, but like yourself, I don't have any choice, other than to keep going. If I stopped visiting I would feel so guity

  6. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Alfjess
    I was sad to hear about your dilemmas with both parents. I'm not sure I can advise but Dad was in a similar situation to your mum. He was so agitated and upset it really seriously affected him. It ended up in an admission to the assessment ward he's there now. After nursing and observing him he has become settled and calm with less distressing symptoms. They have realised he becomes constipated very easily and once this is managed he settled. I'm not suggesting this is exactly whats happended to mum. but sometimes dementia sufferes become extremely distressed when treatable and avoidable things happen. As far as uti's are concerned its no surprise that they do happen because often patients aren't offered enough to drink etc.Sometimes things just can be improved by really good basic nursing...
    Sorry to go on about my experience so much. Hope things improve soon
    best regards
  7. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Hendy

    Thanks for trying to help, but Mum has already been in the psychiatrict ward of the local hospital, due to severe agitation, and I am sorry to say she was on so much medication, that everyone, including the consultant, thought she was dying.

    She is prescribed movicol for constipation, a urine sample has already been taken, although no results yet.

    She was moved from hospital to a NHS continuing care facitily, where they have turned her around, by reducing seditive, anti-psychotic, pain and temazepam medication.

    Unfortunately, her agitation is returning. I guess it is a matter of finding the balance of medications that works for Mum.

  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Alfjess, you've made a good case for moving your dad.

    You've worked so hard to make sure they both get the best possible care, and I'm not surprised you're exhausted.

    I think it will make it easier for you to have them in the same place, even if they can't visit each other. Physically, visiting is going to be so much easier for you all, but also I think it will help you emotionally to have them close to each other.

    Let us know, please.

  9. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    Moving your dad

    Hello Alfjess,
    I think now, after your explanation at post 18, that you are on the right tracks! You and your parents might find it a real blessing that they are so close to each other. Fingers crossed that the home can accept your dad. Kindest regards, Deborah
  10. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    Hi AlfJess,
    I am new here and have just read through this post - am I right in thinking both your parents have AD? Don't want to pry - but if so we are in the same situation.

    Dad has been in a home for 10 weeks and Mum is on her own at home. Mum isn't on medication yet - her psychiatrist was supposed to visit in the New Year to explain things to her after her scans etc, but it hasn't happened yet. If Mum was not ill with AD and had been able to care for him, Dad would have been able to stay at home longer - but they wouldn't accept any carers going in. As it is he seems to be in a place where the other poor souls are in so much worse a state than he is. Not that he realises I suppose, and at least he is relatively safe compared to before.

    My main worry now is Mum, who is declining very fast - possibly faster than Dad did (he was diagnosed just over 2 years ago). She is also afraid and quite depressed and as she is on her own she won't be able to survive at home for as long as he did without some sort of help, which I know she won't want. She has become extremely "clingy" - almost physically wanting to hang on to me, constantly telling me how much she needs me.

    As I've said on other threads, Mum and Dad hardly ever talk about each other and Mum says she doesn't think she can ever visit him again - I understand, because she's not really up to it - it would be too distressing, possibly for both of them. I wonder also if she secretly knows that she has AD too, though I stressed to her psychatrist that I don't want him to tell her. To be honest she seems to have forgotten all about her scans, the decline has been so rapid in the last few months.

    Thanks to everyone on TP - I really feel as if I have friends to share this with now.
  11. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    I also wanted to add that I have wondered whether I should move Dad to somewhere more stimulating - and nearer to me so I could see him more often than once a week. But I wasn't sure whether he could cope with the change - although I sometimes don't think he would notice it.
  12. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Carolynott

    Yes, you are right.

    Both My parents have dementia.

    It is very difficult, I have tried everything to keep them together, but unfortunatly, in the end I had no choice, they were seperated.

    I reads as though your Mum is like my Mum. In denial.

    Initially, I introduced carers as friends of mine and let them help Mum make them a cup of tea

    My and my parent's story would take far to long to write every detail and I'm sure the same applies to others on TP, but if I can help you in anyway, please send me a private message or just ask the question in a thread.

    The important thing is to take care of yourself.

  13. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Forgive me intervening on something I know nothing about, but I assume a UTI is a Urinary Tract Infection. My mum got a lot of cystitis some years ago, and I actually provide her with two litre boxes of cranberry juice a week (I suppose the home should provide it, but I just do it), and she has had no problem in the 7 months she has been in there. Would Cranberry juice help to prevent UTIs, which seem to be so prevalent in everyone?

    Forgive me but I don't recall what a TIA is, that seems to be another prevalent problem, can someone please remind me?

    Mum has also been troubled in the past with constipation. It was treated with the usual drugs, forgotten what they are, which only resulted in diarrhoea, but I now insist mum has a few prunes at breakfast, and again no problem.

    These "natural" methods might not work for more severe cases, but just saying they have worked for mum.

    Hope you all find solutions. Eeh, ain't it 'ard?

    Love to all

  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    #34 Grannie G, Mar 4, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2008

    Dear Margaret,

    TIA.........Transient Ischaemic Attack .......mini stroke.
  15. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Margaret

    I agree, that sometimes the old remedies are best.

    My youngest daughter had a yucky, sore stomach over the weekend. She went to the Doctor, who said she was constipated and prescribed medication(can't remember) didn't work anyway.

    I told her to eat prunes, which did work. She is now feeling much better.

    In Mum's present home cranberry juice is always on offer.

    Dad's assessment is tomorrow, I am not so much worried that the new home won't accept him, but I am told SS have to approve the move.

    Why I can't imagine, Dad is self funding and I am willing to apy the difference between personel care and nursing care.

    I have asked for a review of his needs and said I think he needs nursing care now (we can but try), apparently SS have to approve the move to a nursing home, because I might be moving him against his will.

    I think we are back where we were 2 years ago, when I moved them here to live near me. My parent's non-capacity to understand, resulted in SS having to have this verified by two CPNs.

    I don't believe my Dad has gained anymore capacity, since then and it beggars belief that SS has to justify this yet again

    Why is everything soo difficult?

    Despite numerous phone calls and messages left on SS answer machines, they have yet to return a call and talk to me, but I WILL do what I believe is right for Mum and Dad and I will battle with SS afterwards if I have to.

    That is, if I have any energy left.

    My Daughters bought me tickets for CRUFTS and I am away this weekend, so I will shelf all problems until next week.

    Thanks again everyone
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    It seems to be a conspiracy! I find John a good home, and a co-operative SW, and what happens? I have to start fighting GPs!

    It's hard enough, without having to fight people. Last week knocked me for six. But I've come through it, and so will you. You'll get what your parents need.

    Enjoy yourself at Crufts, and don't forget to wave to the TV cameras!

  17. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007

    What a time you are having of it but I do hope that you enjoy Crufts.

    The only thing that occurred to me is whether you have a Welfare Power of Atorney for your parents? I know that SW may not fund the nursing care element if they do not feel it was needed (in Mum's case we were so so lucky as this was decided by the Hospital Social Worker and they knew that Mum was self funding so by doing this she stopped bed blocking fast!) However if you think this is the best move for you father and the new NH reckon that he falls within the parameters for which they can care I do not think that there should be a problem with the POA as your parents will have given you authority to make these decisions for them, otherwise what is the point in having one!!!

    It is so annoying that at a time we are fraught with emotion, we who know our loved ones best, end up fighting with jobsworth brigades. I appreciate that these people can seem to do no right in anyone's eyes but I reckon that it is down to poor communication skills on their parts.

    Good Luck and have a great weekend..it gives you something to talk about when you visit, even if you get no response!


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