disagreeing powers of attorney

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sooty2, Jun 16, 2015.

  1. Sooty2

    Sooty2 Registered User

    Jun 1, 2015
    30
    Hi ,
    My husband holds power of attorney for his mothers financial and health and welfare decisions, his son also holds poa jointly with him, they have recently been disagreeing about certain aspects of her care, we have a domiciliary care company in twice a week, and have employed someone privately for three hours a week to keep her stimulated, take her shopping that sort of thing. My step son now seems to think he has the god given right to make decisions and disagree with much that we have done, I might add that we have managed alone for months with little help from anyone else, and I find this really irritating. He works in care himself and thinks he is a font of knowledge but dealing with the reality is very different and he has no clue of just how demanding and draining she can be, I feel resentful and angry and just want to scream sometimes.
    Is this normal?
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,975
    Toronto, Canada
    Is it normal to feel angry and resentful? Absolutely. Unless a person experiences this personally, it is very hard to truly understand the situation. As you've mentioned, there's a world of difference in working in care and having a loved one that requires care.

    I think it would be very enlightening for your stepson to do hands-on care of his grandmother for a weekend - Friday night to Monday morning. This may give him some idea of what you and your husband are up against.
     
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,112
    Yes, he's a care professional, and joint POA, he should share the caring load.

    Bod
    ps let us know if he steps up.
     
  4. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    290
    London
    Hi Sooty2,
    What a nightmare. I'm screaming for you.
    I have 2 much older siblings but our folks refused to discuss their affairs with anyone but me. They also gave me POA and also refused to tell my siblings, their other children. Now my father has mixed dementia and siblings are really cross with me. Reading your post makes me glad it's just me. My siblings and I would never agree about the best care. They would have him in a home by now.
    Sending you positive wishes, stay strong.
     

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