Difficulty with increased contact with mother.

[Firecatcher]

Has anyone else struggled with the inevitable increased contact after a parent has been diagnosed with dementia. I was never close to my Mum and left home as soon as I was legally old enough. Never went back or told my parents about some of the awful situations I ended up in as childhood experiences taught me that I was simply expected to just get on with things. I always lived a few hundred miles away and the 150 mikes I live now is the closest I’ve been.
Since being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s earlier this year I’ve had increasing phone calls from my Mum often because she’s bored but more often than not it’s due to her having vague physical health symptoms which are always due to anxiety. The calls tend to be unproductive as Mum doesn’t listen to advice and talks at me. Despite knowing I work she persists in ringing during times when I’m likely to be at work or if not the minute she thinks I’m home. I’m really finding this increased contact difficult after a lifetime of limited contact. My heart sinks and I immediately feel irritated when her number flashes up on my phone I’ve tried not answering but then she rings again a few minutes later. Just wondered how others cope with more frequent contact from a parent they historically had a distant relationship with.

 

[karaokePete]

In my case it's my much loved wife who has dementia so I don't mind the contact. Having said that I empathise with the vague physical issues that give rise to constant moans and are due to nothing other than anxiety.

I eventually got some relief from that anxiety symptom by talking to the GP and Consultant and getting my wife's meds tweaked a bit. Despite that, I still frequently find dealing with my wife's anxiety a daylong task. Anxiety and depression are common bedfellows of dementia.

Could you block the number, or turn the phone off, so that the only contact is when you are free or want to check in with your Mum. Is you Dad still alive so that she has someone watching out in case of any crisis?

I know others on the forum have ended up caring for a parent where there was a strained relationship so you may get some replies where others will share their tactics.

 

[karaokePete]

BTW, there is a Society Factsheet about the issue of depression and anxiety with dementia and if you want to take a read just click the 2nd line of this link
Supporting a person with dementia who has depression, anxiety or apathy (444)
PDF printable version

 

[TNJJ]

Has anyone else struggled with the inevitable increased contact after a parent has been diagnosed with dementia. I was never close to my Mum and left home as soon as I was legally old enough. Never went back or told my parents about some of the awful situations I ended up in as childhood experiences taught me that I was simply expected to just get on with things. I always lived a few hundred miles away and the 150 mikes I live now is the closest I’ve been.
Since being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s earlier this year I’ve had increasing phone calls from my Mum often because she’s bored but more often than not it’s due to her having vague physical health symptoms which are always due to anxiety. The calls tend to be unproductive as Mum doesn’t listen to advice and talks at me. Despite knowing I work she persists in ringing during times when I’m likely to be at work or if not the minute she thinks I’m home. I’m really finding this increased contact difficult after a lifetime of limited contact. My heart sinks and I immediately feel irritated when her number flashes up on my phone I’ve tried not answering but then she rings again a few minutes later. Just wondered how others cope with more frequent contact from a parent they historically had a distant relationship with.

I have a similar situation with my dad.The only bonus is he cannot use a phone.I set myself a limit if possible.Like if I visit I go from 10 to 4.I usually have enough by then if I am honest.