Hi everyone,
I am new here but appreciate the posts I have read so far and the resources.
I have been caring for my parent for several years now, in my own home including keeping them safe during Covid. It is reaching a point where a care home needs to be considered. Not because the parent is losing capacity totally but because it's a combination of the disease and our own family needs reaching breaking point sometime soon.
I have been dealing with a lot of guilt over this but now need to do the right thing for us which is still hard. I know I have completelty changed their health for example from when they were on their own and were no longer coping. I am managing all finances, all bills and they do not need to handle a single thing. I do believe they appreciate it but I rarely hear it, and understandibly my partner feels it's now time, esp as our child is about to enter a new stage in their own life and will need alot of our attention.
Another complication is a sibling who is in a delicate mental state, low on income, and now becoming quite intent on seeming to 'get' what they can as I have taken more control over the parents finances (who for example at the ATM locks the pin, or hands purse to cashiers etc). Parent doens't believe there is any ill harm and wishes to help but the repeated loans (a large one unpaid) have all been since diagnosis and there is also mingling of finances in an account which parent did not know about but now does. In my gatekeeping for the future (ie when a carehome is needed and they look into finances) I am being accused of all sorts because sibling access to cash is harder. I never expected to be in this position and the sibling does not help me in any way, or parent very much, plus suffers from anger management which is frustrating and adds even more pressure to a stressful situation. I simply feel when the cash runs out, there will be questions about loans and cash withdrawals that could affect state funding. Hence trying to get things clean now but it's causing agression and ill feeling and I truly believe they feel entitled to cash. They do not bear any of the responsibility for care nor financial management etc, so it would be me picking up the pieces if you see what I mean.
I suppose I would like to ask for any thoughts, tips on how to get through this with what I have left of my sanity. Partner is completely on board and sees parent not really caring. Sometimes I have wanted to hand all control to the sibling but I know this is not the right thing. Once a care home is found, pressure will be removed somehow but the rest will still be there. I do not want to make it worse but I would dearly like the fact sibling walks her to ATMs to get cash out to stop, because it's putting them potentially in worse positions and I feel helpless.
I am new here but appreciate the posts I have read so far and the resources.
I have been caring for my parent for several years now, in my own home including keeping them safe during Covid. It is reaching a point where a care home needs to be considered. Not because the parent is losing capacity totally but because it's a combination of the disease and our own family needs reaching breaking point sometime soon.
I have been dealing with a lot of guilt over this but now need to do the right thing for us which is still hard. I know I have completelty changed their health for example from when they were on their own and were no longer coping. I am managing all finances, all bills and they do not need to handle a single thing. I do believe they appreciate it but I rarely hear it, and understandibly my partner feels it's now time, esp as our child is about to enter a new stage in their own life and will need alot of our attention.
Another complication is a sibling who is in a delicate mental state, low on income, and now becoming quite intent on seeming to 'get' what they can as I have taken more control over the parents finances (who for example at the ATM locks the pin, or hands purse to cashiers etc). Parent doens't believe there is any ill harm and wishes to help but the repeated loans (a large one unpaid) have all been since diagnosis and there is also mingling of finances in an account which parent did not know about but now does. In my gatekeeping for the future (ie when a carehome is needed and they look into finances) I am being accused of all sorts because sibling access to cash is harder. I never expected to be in this position and the sibling does not help me in any way, or parent very much, plus suffers from anger management which is frustrating and adds even more pressure to a stressful situation. I simply feel when the cash runs out, there will be questions about loans and cash withdrawals that could affect state funding. Hence trying to get things clean now but it's causing agression and ill feeling and I truly believe they feel entitled to cash. They do not bear any of the responsibility for care nor financial management etc, so it would be me picking up the pieces if you see what I mean.
I suppose I would like to ask for any thoughts, tips on how to get through this with what I have left of my sanity. Partner is completely on board and sees parent not really caring. Sometimes I have wanted to hand all control to the sibling but I know this is not the right thing. Once a care home is found, pressure will be removed somehow but the rest will still be there. I do not want to make it worse but I would dearly like the fact sibling walks her to ATMs to get cash out to stop, because it's putting them potentially in worse positions and I feel helpless.