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Difficult situation with parent and family

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,190
0
High Peak
You have to be suspicious of someone who only sees the person with dementia when there is some financial reward for doing so. From what you've said, it sounds like this sibling is deliberating hiding funds/assets to avoid paying out in a divorce settlement. Which is illegal of course... If they've 'hidden' their assets in your mum's overseas account and she dies, legally those monies would form part of her estate unless your sibling's name is also on the account. If that's the case (i.e. an account in joint names) when she dies, all the money would legally belong to the sibling. So I think you need to look at that and try to sort the situation out...

Good luck - you're going to need it.
 

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
106
0
You have to be suspicious of someone who only sees the person with dementia when there is some financial reward for doing so. From what you've said, it sounds like this sibling is deliberating hiding funds/assets to avoid paying out in a divorce settlement. Which is illegal of course... If they've 'hidden' their assets in your mum's overseas account and she dies, legally those monies would form part of her estate unless your sibling's name is also on the account. If that's the case (i.e. an account in joint names) when she dies, all the money would legally belong to the sibling. So I think you need to look at that and try to sort the situation out...

Good luck - you're going to need it.
Thank you, thankfully the funds are siblings and most of it has been moved to the UK, but I am working on moving a monthly pension, which sibling is now not assisting on even though they hold POA. The account is in mum name only, so technically the hidden funds would actually form part of her estate if anything were to happen.. but of course sibling has immediate access and would be able to move them instantly. I am not too concerned on the final bits but the whole thing is made hard by the fact they do not see their actions as inappropriate time and time again. As an example, they only told her about the funds once they had moved them in, with no permission sought. Am very fed up with it all. Have spoken to social worker today though about it all.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
199
0
North East England UK
Can I clarify, your sibling who is sponging lives in another country and also has PoA for your parent? Is it legally valid if they are not in the UK? Have you spoken to the social worker about the possibility of financial abuse? They take financial abuse very seriously.
 

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
106
0
Hi @Mydarlingdaughter no they live in UK now, they just retained their own funds there. This was done without mums permission and into her account over there during beginning of divorce. They also tried to get a comission for selling her home, which was denied, then several loans and tried not to pay one in lieu of the comission. I have spoken about this to social worker but sadly mum doesn't see how serious this is, and is very charming and has prob reassured SW that all is well. I can't do any more than what I have done I don't think. Sibling will now not assist with 2 final things that need doing, for which they hold POA, and are citing lack of time and funds. I feel this is out of spite as there is no more to gain now.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
199
0
North East England UK
You write "they just retained their own funds there.".
You mean the sponging sibling retained funds in an overseas account but is now residing in UK?
That sibling, by acting with PoA , has a legal duty to protect the financial assets of the person they have PoA for.
I know about what it is like when he PWD claims that they dont need help and nothing is wrong. The social worker should be wise to this too they see it all the time. Its known as lack of insight and very usual with dementia.
So please continue to update the social worker about what is going on. Based on what you have wrote, your sibling is exploiting a vulnerable person.
 

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
106
0
You write "they just retained their own funds there.".
You mean the sponging sibling retained funds in an overseas account but is now residing in UK?
That sibling, by acting with PoA , has a legal duty to protect the financial assets of the person they have PoA for.
I know about what it is like when he PWD claims that they dont need help and nothing is wrong. The social worker should be wise to this too they see it all the time. Its known as lack of insight and very usual with dementia.
So please continue to update the social worker about what is going on. Based on what you have wrote, your sibling is exploiting a vulnerable person.
Yes, they deposited their own funds into PWD account knowing it would hide them during the Uk divorce. They were keen to get POA whilst the property was being sold, I do not think acting out of malice, but as they were expecting to live there permanently which is not the case now. Sibling moved into her small flat with family in PWD abroad home and not paying her bills or rent or anything, which she was ok with but caused difficulties during covid as she had so many people living with her. Then arguments/start of separation etc all very sad and she had to leave to UK with me, I personally feel to be safer and less stressed.
So now, sibling are creating reasons to no longer prioritise POA work on the final 2 things , both of which could benefit them, an asset that can be used, and monthy recurring pension for PWD. I am not saying they will do anything bad but it's just all so wrong to not help move this stuff to UK when most they could likely assist with online, or pass to a solicitor or whatever. Purely dragging feet to not help as they did not get their dues on a comission and I am acting as a wall to access her funds. ATM visits was the final straw for me.
 
Last edited:

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
106
0
You write "they just retained their own funds there.".
You mean the sponging sibling retained funds in an overseas account but is now residing in UK?
That sibling, by acting with PoA , has a legal duty to protect the financial assets of the person they have PoA for.
I know about what it is like when he PWD claims that they dont need help and nothing is wrong. The social worker should be wise to this too they see it all the time. Its known as lack of insight and very usual with dementia.
So please continue to update the social worker about what is going on. Based on what you have wrote, your sibling is exploiting a vulnerable person.
Also, our social worker is a trainee, and seems very unlikely to be able to do anything much but did say they would talk to manager. I wanted mum to talk to them privately and ask as much as they wanted about all of it. She was sombre after and I did not pry. Am hoping SW can do something to at least help her see the gravity of all this.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
199
0
North East England UK
sorry to ask for clarification again but it may help others who are knowledgeable make helpful comments. I am struggling a bit with who is where location - wise. You write "Sibling moved into her small flat with family in PWD abroad home".
Do you mean your PWD has a home abroad and your sibling moved into that home, abroad, or do you mean your PWD is abroad.
I thought your PWD is resided in the UK, or were they at some point abroad? It may be relevant for what can and cannit be done.
 

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
106
0
Hi yes PWD was abroad in their home, which has now been sold and they now live in UK. Once she left, sibling continued to live there with family and she paid all costs, then place was eventually sold for care costs.
 

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
106
0
Hi everyone just wanted to provide an update and a bit of a rant. I have heard from the OPG who simply said if she has capacity, she can decide, and if she has no capacity, then the charge must be approved by the attorney and be no more than a professional would charge.
I got her social worker to assess, she is a trainee, and mum is able to convince her that all is well, so I feel stuck. In the interim, no update has been provided by sibling that they have removed their own funds from her acc. I believe they will not. Messages have been ignored and instead they discuss other things. As an example, now I have started top look at care homes £1k per week, suddenly sibling is very active in trying to find cheap studios so she can live on her own. This would entail more stress worrying, setting up all bills, visiting alot, or arranging more carers. Sibling simply have no clue as to her true needs because I have shielded them from this, and I do not want to be seen as controlling and have explained I feel the key is the care, location and social interaction. Even mum has said she could never live on her own now. Personal care is getting worse and there was a fall last night. I am just so fed up of my opinion being minimised, ignored etc.