I am finding it difficult coming to terms with both my paretns being in care. My Mother is 90 and has dementia my Step-father is 89. They were living in Sheltered Housing until October last year in Wales. (75 miles from where I live). I was going to help care for my Mother every week-end and at holiday times. I am single and very fond of my Mum. Whilst I was on holiday my step-father had a very bad heart attack. My step-brother and wife were staying the week-end and they arranged for my Mum to go into Residential Care. They had to get back to Scotland as they both work. My Mother was assessed as needing an EMI Home.
I came home from holiday to find my Mother in care and my Step-father very ill in hospital. I was devistated as it was the last thing I wanted for my Mum. However at the time she seemed to accept being in care and all the family, (My sister and two step-brother and their wives) felt I shouldn't give up my home and friends and go and live in Wales to care for her. I live in a terraced house which wasn't suitable for her as she had had a fall the year before and broken her hip and shoulder and walks with a frame. She had been getting worse with her dementia and began to wonder a bit and also was difficult at time at night going to bed and was occasionally incontinent. Also my Doctor said I wasn't well enough to care for them both and advised me against it. My Sister and husband live in Spain anyway and my sister has never been very close to my Mum.
My step-father recovered somewhat and was discharged from hospital in December but decided he couldn't manage on his own in the flat, even with support. We were lucky that the Home in Wales had a vacency and agreed to accept him, even though he hasn't got dementia. He is very frail and unsteady and his memeory isn't very good.
The Home itself is very good and I have no complaints but since her admission and since Mel joined her she has deteriorated very much. She used to be happy with her dementia. Particularly if we took her a run out. Singing all the time. Now she is really fed up and worried all the time. I tried to take them a run last week but she was very frightened and distressed. I go nearly every week, it is an 80 mile journey but I want to see her. She is always pleased to see me but now I am not sure if she recognises me.
I used to go to Wales every holiday. Sometimes I would feel fed up as I felt I had to go but now I really miss them and feel very alone. It seems strange not being able to care for her. I am going up on Sunday but won't attempt to take her out again. I just think it's so sad. She isn't really the Mum I new and her quality of life is very poor now. (She is eating very badly as well and is doubly incontinent). I keep wondering if I could look after them but I don't think I could manage. As well as being very frail Mel gets very depressed in the mornings which used to upset me. I still don't want them in care though but there is really no answer!!!
Babs
I came home from holiday to find my Mother in care and my Step-father very ill in hospital. I was devistated as it was the last thing I wanted for my Mum. However at the time she seemed to accept being in care and all the family, (My sister and two step-brother and their wives) felt I shouldn't give up my home and friends and go and live in Wales to care for her. I live in a terraced house which wasn't suitable for her as she had had a fall the year before and broken her hip and shoulder and walks with a frame. She had been getting worse with her dementia and began to wonder a bit and also was difficult at time at night going to bed and was occasionally incontinent. Also my Doctor said I wasn't well enough to care for them both and advised me against it. My Sister and husband live in Spain anyway and my sister has never been very close to my Mum.
My step-father recovered somewhat and was discharged from hospital in December but decided he couldn't manage on his own in the flat, even with support. We were lucky that the Home in Wales had a vacency and agreed to accept him, even though he hasn't got dementia. He is very frail and unsteady and his memeory isn't very good.
The Home itself is very good and I have no complaints but since her admission and since Mel joined her she has deteriorated very much. She used to be happy with her dementia. Particularly if we took her a run out. Singing all the time. Now she is really fed up and worried all the time. I tried to take them a run last week but she was very frightened and distressed. I go nearly every week, it is an 80 mile journey but I want to see her. She is always pleased to see me but now I am not sure if she recognises me.
I used to go to Wales every holiday. Sometimes I would feel fed up as I felt I had to go but now I really miss them and feel very alone. It seems strange not being able to care for her. I am going up on Sunday but won't attempt to take her out again. I just think it's so sad. She isn't really the Mum I new and her quality of life is very poor now. (She is eating very badly as well and is doubly incontinent). I keep wondering if I could look after them but I don't think I could manage. As well as being very frail Mel gets very depressed in the mornings which used to upset me. I still don't want them in care though but there is really no answer!!!
Babs