1. lesley12

    lesley12 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    3
    s.e. kent
    with grief there are meant to be 7 different stages, is there such a thing for alzheimers. my mum has it and she seems to be deterioating fast.
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
  3. lesley12

    lesley12 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    3
    s.e. kent
    thanx muchly, interesting.
    what comes after stage 7 though
     
  4. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Lesley,
    My husband is in the last stage and when a Consultant cannot tell how long that stage will be, it becomes a case of taking each day as it comes.

    In my own personel experience, if my loved one was in say stage 5, dealing with that stage,at that present time.
    Due to the facts we don't know how long as each individual and circumstances are different.

    It is a very difficult one to answer.

    I send you very best wishes
    Christine
     
  5. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Stages

    Lesley, I knew nothing about stages, that was until I placed my wife in a NH. I can clearly recall our daughter telling me that her Mum was in the final stage, having just read about it.
    She had been doubly incontinent two years prior to entering the NH. So six years prior to her passing she was in stage 7, unable to do anything for herself. Had I not removed her from the home she would have went the way of most and passed away. She almost did, a number of times. Had I accepted the well intended advice of the experts and professionals I know she would not have survived the extra five years. What I do know is that she went through a lot of unnecessary pain in years 7 and 8.
    As so many say, everyone is different, but so also is the care, who is providing it and how it is administered.
    In my case a lot had to do with providing my wife with the will to live. She saw I was happy caring for her, which in turn made her happy until it was her time to go.
    I don't give advice, but I see the same errors being repeated in aspects of treatments in relation to my wife. Padraig
     
  6. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    When we battle to keep people alive, are we actually doing it for them, or for ourselves??

    I know, if pre-dementia my Dad had read those stages, and was then told you will end up like that, he would say don't let me stay too long in this world from stage 7. There's a strong possibility he would be reeling at the prospect of stage 6.

    I've read them all again, and bar just a tiny tinge of some of stage 6, I'd say he is definately in stage 5. He has vascular dementia, so not sure if the stages correlate to those on the AD stages factsheet.

    I pray my Dad never makes it to stage 7, that his body gives out before that. I love him so much, stage 7 isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy, let alone my wonderful Dad.

    I guess the posts here show a lot of different expressions and interpretations of what love is.

    Beverley
     
  7. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    I admire Padraig and how he cared for his wife..I understand.. I think..why he took her away from the NH to care for her alone..

    But I also agree with you..

    We're all different..our relationships..however loving..are different...

    I am so thankful that while Eric knows he has "AD"..he has no insight into what that may become..and for his sake.. I pray daily that he will not have to venture into the latter stages of the disease..because I know the man..and it would break my heart to see him like that..

    But it may happen..if it does..I'll do my level best to care for him myself...because I know the man...

    Love Gigi xx

    ps..I would put him at Stage 5..moving into 6.. at the moment
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Do we battle or do we be supportive to them I am asking myself now .

    From a book I am reading


    I use to torment myself with question like your asking, what you saying Beverly, so I know what you mean ,
    dare I say what your feeling .
    don't doubt your love for your father , because you said those things .
     
  9. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    I can see all sides Gigi. I would also say the dynamic of the relationship also plays a big part; husband/wife, parent/child.

    There are people that would be prepared to provide physical care for a spouse, but not a parent etc.

    It is admirable to care for a loved one, but I personally couldn't justify to myself the prolonging of what I perceive (and know they would perceive) as misery.

    I really hope my opinion doesn't offend. It's just how I feel.

    Beverley x
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #10 Margarita, Feb 10, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2008
    When you say ''They" Your presuming everyone with dementia feels they life is a misery , think that can be called as generalizing all people with dementia think the same .

    Oh how I wash it was that simple , as I know my mother does not perceive her life is now miserable with dementia, yes she gets frustrated with herself that she can't do things for herself. I perceive it as all control of her life is at my Mercy.( deeper meaning the only way to give mercy is through Love )




    she really contented really, she did find it hard at first because she was missing my father

    My mother believes in life is better then no life, she a RC, the life she living now with dementia to her does not seem that mush different then what old age does to you , she getting old and needs support .

    I use to be RC , but now
    believe we are the creator of our own reality , then just don't know what to believe in anymore . so I just believe in myself ......but then my mother sure is the creator of her own reality in her own mind, because in her reality she created she contended with life, she 76 .



    When she in that stage , death door last stages I be they holding her hand .

    You know your father , so your story
    different then my mothers
     
  11. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,125
    Toronto, Canada
    My mother is definitely at stage 7. She still can smile occasionally. She's not having any problems swallowing yet but I'm assuming 1 to 2 years before she dies.

    I'm battling for myself really. I'm not ready to let her go yet. I know she would want to die rather than keep going on the way she is. She had expressed her views on being kept alive on machines very clearly when she was well - she was completely against it. She's not on a machine now and I won't do that, but I can imagine how much her current state of affairs would horrify her. But I'm not ready.
     
  12. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Beverley, May I clear up a misunderstanding. My wife was in a very bad way when I removed her from the NH. In the first months after I had her home she was on morphine. I held her hand and told her it was OK to let go and be with her parents and our late daughter. She was bed ridden when I took her home for eight months before I dressed her, and took her out for walks in the wheelchair. By this time all her sores had vanished, the infection in her mouth had cleared up, she was eating and drinking as much as anyone else. In fact she was heavier than she'd ever been, from under six stone to over eight and a half. She was eating a full bowl of stew, carrots, parsnips, broccoli and chicken, finishing it off with a caramel wafer and a glass of juice, in half an hour! When I started it took up to two and a half hours to feed her. Twice a week when I took her to the supermarket to shop people got to know her, she would smile, her lips would move in an attempt to speak.
    Photos and a DVD show her happy and content in the final years, as for me, the stressful and painful time, was when she was in the NH and the first year at home, undoing the damage done with medication and lack of proper care. For me the important thing was to dispel her fears.
    Now, coming up to 77, more than ever I understand the fears of 'being put away' having seen what happens in hospitals and NHs. We are very much at the bottom of the heap and on our way out. I feel very lucky and privileged to have been able to give the loving care to my wife in her time in need. Oh, how I miss her, but it give me a warm feeling thinking of these last years we shared painfree.
    Should I be unfortunate to end up with AD I know I wont be so lucky and would wish the end stage to be short.
    Padraig
     
  13. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Padraig

    Thank you for sharing that, you really didn't need to.

    My comments were not directed at you, just a questioning really of this whole situation we all find ourselves in.

    I understand that when you took your wife home, you probably had no anticipation that would have the extra years you were blessed with. You were truly lucky to have that.

    I just am finding the whole prospect of a deterioration in my Dad hard to deal with I guess.

    I think, I just wish the end of his life to not be prolonged in a state that I know he would not be happy in.

    He can't sit still for 5 mins. He get's bored senseless, and I know for him a life with no mobility would be the worst torture.

    Best wishes, and please, accept my apology if I offended you in any way.

    Beverley
     
  14. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Beverley, No need to apologize, I'm in no way offended. Frustrated and sad at seeing all the same things being repeated again and again. It's as you say "the situation we find ourselves". Time and again I see the carer being kept out of the loop when it comes to treatment. When my wife had to go in to hospital for the first time, she was given Temezepam without my knowledge. She'd broken her arm, dislocated her shoulder and injuried her hand trying to break her fall. After three weeks they failed to notice the injuried hand, till I pointed it out! It was just as well that I discovered about the Temezepam after she left hospital, because had I'd found out, someone would have required treatment after I'd finished with them. My wife was always a very gentle quiet person, as I lifted her up after her fall there was only a quiet whimper.
    It's no surprise that our loved ones become depressed, anxious and agitated by the way they are treated. I know I felt that way when my wife was in the care of others, as I said to one Doctor "You try spending a week in hospital or a NH and act out being an AD patient!"
    I'm sorry to ramble on, maybe it's best I moved on and shut my mind to AD. My journey is finished, but at least I busted through the system's brick wall. Padraig
     
  15. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Padraig

    Your comments and experience are of great value to all of us who are about to go through this mill.

    I'm on in the very early stages having found myself (after losing my Mum a few weeks back) my dads' sole carer. They have lived here with us 5 years, but I had no idea he got so confused at times and had delusions about being poisoned. There was a lot my Mum was hiding from me to protect me. I wish she had shared, because I now see that coping with it alone for the 8 hours a day we are all out must have really dragged her own health down :(

    I'm already gobsmacked at the lack of help and even opportunity for day care. If he didn't live with me, god only knows what would happen to him. I guess he would be living on his own, eating sandwiches only and wearing dirty clothes. My mind boggles, really it does.

    I hope you stay around and continue to contribute.

    Best regards.

    Beverley
     
  16. lesley12

    lesley12 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    3
    s.e. kent
    thank you

    thanx for all your comments, advice etc. it is also sad to see much frustration from you.x
    god bless all those suffering and may god give the carers the strength to carry on. for mum said once, "we're a long time dead". x
     

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