1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Diagnosis and help for elderly parents.

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by Kendo469, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. Kendo469

    Kendo469 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2012

    I posted on here back in 2012 asking advice about my mum displaying the first possible signs of dementia. Several months later I wrote to her GP and asked if he could see my mum under the pretence of a health check, which he did. My mum stormed out of the doctors when the GP questioned her memory and has since refused to see that GP again. They don't know it was me who contacted the GP initially. I have tried to keep the discussion open with my dad over the years, but now, after recent incidents with mum, I feel like he is struggling to cope with her and it is affecting his health. Dad is 80 and mum is 79. Mum has gone from being active to getting up about midday, taking ages to get dressed, not wanting to leave the house for days on end and complaining about reoccurring ailments for which she had been the GP several times and nothing had been discovered or diagnosed.

    Her short term memory is nearly gone. You can be asked the same question five or six times in the same conversation or she will be looking for her bag or coat as she cannot remember where it was left. Over Christmas she mislaid her wedding ring and was distraught, and could not remember where she left it last. They never left the house for two days whilst my dad searched for it.

    Now, when they visit, mum starts talking about events from thirty or forty years ago, private things, that should not really be getting discussed. My dad has started asking for help and he won't make a GP appointment as mum shouts at him and gets angry and hits him when he mentions the 'dementia' word or about going to the doctors. It is almost like denial for her as she cannot remember forgetting, if that makes sense? So mum gets angry as she cannot understand why dad keeps 'having a go' at her about things.

    What can I do? I don't live near them, but want to help in anyway I can.

    Is there anyone in the south Liverpool area that he can go to for advice or that can go to the house to talk to my parents or that my dad can take my mum? I feel like she is just slipping away and whenever I mention to dad privately about getting another GP appointment for mum, he just says, "I can't do it, its my wife, she will never forgive me". I know it is hurting him inside having to deal with this, but how do I get him to do something? Can someone speak to him and make him realise he is not alone?

    I've told him about contacting Social Services or the Alzheimer's Society Liverpool, but he won't budge. If I could put him into contact with someone, then that may get him started.

    Thanks, Ken
  2. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland

    I am not sure if this is one of the posts I saw that made me join, but yes my mother is now the same. She keeps a diary and reads out of it all the time. At first we were not sure what it was but it has been 6 months now since she has definitely been diagnosed.
  3. Doug123

    Doug123 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Hi, I had a very similar issue with my Mum. I eventually went to see my Mum's GP on my own and arranged for an appointment at a Memory Clinic - it took several months for the appointment to come through. I convinced my Mum to attend on the basis that Mum kept misplacing her purse and would spend literally hours looking for it. The clinic arrange 8 follow-up sessions, one every two weeks, the outcome was a formal diagnosis of dementia. though a formal diagnosis is helpful, it is just the start of a long journey.. (suggest you have power of attorney put in place very soon before a formal diagnosis, both medical and financial, it is a nightmare without) - Rather than your Mum's GP, you could arrange to see a different GP at the same practise?

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