Hi jocko1
(thanks for the explanation - I was a bit muddled, so not sure how to reply)
I won't write that I know how you feel etc - I can't imagine
But I send you much sympathy
If it helps, keep posting here - so pleased you did think to write to us all, there's so much support here
Please do, at some point, go to see your GP, just to keep them in the loop.
Sometimes when I am troubled and want 'company' but not to talk, I just go for a wander around town and have a lunch - just being around people 'helps', and no-one knows I'm upset so there are no 'kind' comments to deal with.
And, though I'm not a believer, I find churches are very calming places to be - something about the history and stability ...
Best wishes