1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Diagnosed over ten years ago

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by JML, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. JML

    JML Registered User

    Feb 8, 2015
    2
    Hi, I am new to TP but not new to dementia. My husband was diagnosed almost ten years ago but there were signs for many years before. He goes to a dementia unit two days and a workshop for the disabled for a further two days every week. We have been very lucky with the support we have. All in all our life has evolved around existing with his condition. Our relationship has deteriorated over time yet I feel guilty about missing out on life. He has vascular dementia and was very verbally aggressive and frustrated, mostly with me, for more years than I care to remember. It has worn me out emotionally. Are there others out there in similar situations.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,602
    Female
    Dundee
    Hello and welcome to TP.

    In some ways I can relate to your situation. My husband has Alzheimer's and was diagnosed almost 14 years ago. Like your husband he was showing signs of problems prior to the diagnosis.

    I'm lucky in that my husband's behaviour has remained fairly calm and he hasn't shown any aggression towards me. I can understand, however, how you must feel emotionally drained. I wouldn't say that our relationship has deteriorated but it has undoubtedly changed. As the years have gone on my focus has had to change to caring, although I still see myself as his wife and not his carer.

    I'm sorry I can't offer my practical help unjust wanted to say you will not be alone here. I'm glad you found the forum and know you will get lots of support and understanding here.
     
  3. JML

    JML Registered User

    Feb 8, 2015
    2
    Thanks Izzy, I find your comments helpful. It is difficult to put into words the life we have now.
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,602
    Female
    Dundee
    Yes you're right. Not what we ever expected and we have to find a way to accept it and make the best of it. I'm very lucky to live where the support services are very good which means I can have 'me time' as well as being with my husband.
     
  5. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,659
    North West
    I can also empathise JML.

    My wife was only diagnosed (with AD) in 2011 but was first referred to the memory clinic in 2000! Following the diagnosis things fell apart for a few months - aggression, paranoia, very disturbing hallucinations etc. Somehow we managed to get through that period, things settled down and now Sue is pretty calm nearly all the time though she can do very little for herself. But, as you say, the relationship changes drastically.

    I do believe though that we still have some kind of husband/wife relationship.

    Most importantly, and some 'friends' and family members will not believe it. I feel very strongly that in some essential way she is 'still there'. At least, for now she is.
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,976
    Suffolk
    Hi, my OH has mixed dementia, Alzheimer's and vascular. He was diagnosed about 9 years ago but, like many people, had it long before that.
    Last year he had a bout of delusions with attempted violence, this winter he has has more delusions, violence and verbal nastiness all directed at me. He can do very little for himself, but goes to daycare three times a week. He has also had two periods of respite, last July and earlier this year.
    I think I understand some of your problems. Any questions just ask. There is lots ok knowledge on this site, always someone has been there, done that!
    Good luck
    S
     

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