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Deteriorated

Beth24

Registered User
Oct 6, 2019
35
I have found out today that my mother has refused food and drink for several days and her care home didnt contact me to say her condition had deteriorated. They claim they tried my landline but didnt follow up with a call on my mobile phone which is constantly with me. I have also discovered that she was seen by a Frailty nurse and GP and had a DNR completed in best interests again without my input. I advised her GP that I have LPA Medical - I wish now I had never bothered to take it out - it's not worth the paper it's written on
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
346
That’s dreadful, I can’t imagine how you are feeling and your poor mum having all that happening.
I expect you will be putting in a complaint to the care home and GP. Though it’s after the event you still need an explanation and apology.
 

Beth24

Registered User
Oct 6, 2019
35
The care home have never been good with communication. But the callousness they have shown , I spoke to the manager today and all she could say is 'they have made her comfortable' and they had rung my landline. The last time I saw her a fortnight ago she was sitting out in the garden. Apparently the Frailty team had a best interest meeting ladt week and her DNR was signed off . Interesting that they could arrange a formal meeting with a GP etc but couldn't get hold of me her next of kin to involve me in the decision.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
560
I think that is appalling and I would be very unhappy if that had been the case for Mum.

I had a phone call a couple of weeks ago with Mums new GP who looks after all the residents and she was very considerate when she brought up having a DNA - mum has breast cancer as well as AZ but is not undergoing active treatment. I spoke to the GP for over half an hour to discuss all mums medical and care needs and agreed to the DNA which was something we three siblings had already discussed.

Had such decisions been made without my knowledge I would have been livid and be challenging the care home
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,715
@Beth24, I'm sorry to hear that and I think maybe you write a formal complaint to the manager and if the care home is part of a group to the general manager as well. I was the one to raise the subject of DNR with mum's care home at a care plan review. She was at the time a long way off needing one, but I was aware one wasn't in place and I didn't want her put to un-necessary distress if she did become seriously ill. The care home manager agreed with me, and shortly afterwards I had a very sensitively handled phone conversation with the home's GP and one was put in place. I think it helped that we weren't in the middle of a crisis at the time. I haven't seen mum since March but before then she was becoming more frail with every visit. However apart from her dementia she has few health problems and none of them are serious, so I can imagine it will still be a while before I'll be faced with the reality of what I've agreed to.
As to the phone call. That sounds like an excuse. They needed to get in contact with you and if they couldn't get you on your landline should have immediately tried your mobile. Is it worth telling them you no longer have a landline and just to use your mobile?
Hope you get an apology and are kept better informed from now on.
 

Beth24

Registered User
Oct 6, 2019
35
Apparently it was because my Mothers GP records had my husbands mobile on them and not mine and they decided not to ring him.
 

DILhelp

Registered User
Jan 31, 2016
118
London
I'm so sorry. I pray this all gets sorted out. Everyone's nightmare. I've heard so many horror stories. It makes me so sad. It's very hard with my MIL at home and having a detrimental effect on my health. But I'm hoping all this experience will make me a stronger person.
Kind regards and a big hug xx