Dear TalkingPoint, thanks for making me realise I am not alone and that many have the same issues. I am writing today because I feel at breaking point again. It was too much to expect that Mum was going to settle in a care home I understand it must be miserable, I would probably be exactly the same. Now after 3 months of steady but just about bearable complaining to me, but good reports from staff and friends, the last three weeks have just got terrible. Mum phones me 5 times a day, long calls of misery and tears and worse. Even wants to go back home with carers or to jump in the river. I have to look back into my diary to remember the terrible last 9 months at home and what really happened. I am an awful daughter not telling her the situation and putting her in this prison. We go over and over these events including revisiting family problems from years ago probably because they were never resolved to Mum’s liking. Mum’s memory seems selective and she is totally able to remember things which can hurt. CH staff says she is OK 90% of the time but getting more and more frustrated although they try to keep her occupied and as ‘free’ as they can. I can't fault the care home, they seem to be doing their best. I am only daughter with no close relatives and live far away. I offered her to come and stay with/close to me for years but she had an active social life and disliked my way of life because it was not ‘her way’. Every family visit was a misery. There was no way we could find a compromise. I spent most of last year off and on away from my family looking after her and trying to get help at home without sucess. I now visit monthly for 6 days of mostly misery. I just don’t know what to do now. Mum is one month into a 3 month trial with Aricept/ Donepezil so I don’t know if this has made things worse in that she now believes she can go home herself, take a flight to NZ etc., demand to go down town on her own whilst before she was starting to accept things (wishful thinking ?). She even started remembering the little love lies I told . It is like she has gone back 6 months which, awful to say, was not a better place. Could this just be a coincidence as the ‘novelty’ of the CH starts to wear off ? It is just so sad but I don’t think she can go home with carers now. Would be so lonely for her and even though she says she will accept them, why would she change now ? She dislikes the CH carers doing anything for her…. I feel so guilty that she is always so unhappy and she is not staying with me but I don’t think it would be good for my family now even if they are willing. Mum can also be pretty nastly to my kids although I know she loves them. I am painting such an awful picture of Mum here but she is loved by so many close friends, generous and selfless person to others it is hard to imaging she is this same person. These friends have rallied round and visit her regularly. In this she is so lucky and this is the only cheery part of this story. I am sorry to have offloaded all this but feel so despondent today. Even writing this I realise that I have to stick it out with the CH.check with the nurse about the Donepezil trial and don't do anything hasty. But maybe I missed something?