Mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives alone 45 minutes away. She has wandered off half-naked to the shop. We’ve been reluctant to see about putting her in a care home, particularly given the current situation, but would it be the lesser of 2 evils? Are there any alternatives? She is in social housing and receives a state pension
Despite COVID, is it time for my mother-in-law to be in a care home
- Thread starter Dillard
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @Dillard.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother-in-law’s problems. It must be very worrying. I wondered if she has had an assessment by the Social Work Department in terms of her care needs. It sounds as if she needs more than social housing. You might find this fact sheet useful -
www.alzheimers.org.uk
I’m glad you have found the forum. There’s always someone here to listen and support.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother-in-law’s problems. It must be very worrying. I wondered if she has had an assessment by the Social Work Department in terms of her care needs. It sounds as if she needs more than social housing. You might find this fact sheet useful -
Assessment for care and support in England
What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
I’m glad you have found the forum. There’s always someone here to listen and support.
Oh my goodness @Dillard how worrying for you
a warm welcome to DTP
sadly, if your MIL is wandering out now it's unlikely to stop and she is putting herself at risk, though of course she doesn't realise ...so personally, I think you do need to begin the process of a move (this is what made me decide when dad wandered out in the night in only his PJs)
if your mum has no savings and little income, her care fees will be funded through her Local Authority so you need to contact them for an assessment of her care needs and a financial assessment
this will explain paying for care
www.alzheimers.org.uk
contact the LA Adult Services and tell them exactly what has happened and all your other concerns (I'm sure there are many) ... tell them that your MIL is a vulnerable adult who is at risk of harm due to her wandering inappropriately dressed, indeed you believe this is a safeguarding concern so the LA have the duty of care to ensure she is safe and her care needs are met (those phrases should get their attention) ... make it clear that you believe she now needs full time residential care to keep her safe (but be aware that the LA may insist on first trying home care visits) .... there will be emergeny contact details on the LA website
keep posting, there's lots of support here
a warm welcome to DTP
sadly, if your MIL is wandering out now it's unlikely to stop and she is putting herself at risk, though of course she doesn't realise ...so personally, I think you do need to begin the process of a move (this is what made me decide when dad wandered out in the night in only his PJs)
if your mum has no savings and little income, her care fees will be funded through her Local Authority so you need to contact them for an assessment of her care needs and a financial assessment
this will explain paying for care
Paying for dementia care in England
Dementia care isn't free, and you may need to pay for some of the care you or someone you know needs. We help you understand the different ways to pay for care, and the amount you might be expected to pay.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
contact the LA Adult Services and tell them exactly what has happened and all your other concerns (I'm sure there are many) ... tell them that your MIL is a vulnerable adult who is at risk of harm due to her wandering inappropriately dressed, indeed you believe this is a safeguarding concern so the LA have the duty of care to ensure she is safe and her care needs are met (those phrases should get their attention) ... make it clear that you believe she now needs full time residential care to keep her safe (but be aware that the LA may insist on first trying home care visits) .... there will be emergeny contact details on the LA website
keep posting, there's lots of support here
Thank you...she does wander a lot, but my OH has been trying to keep her supported at her own home. We are just worried that residential care is both risky, given the current situation, and may also precipitate the progression of the disease, as all semblance of independence and familiarity of surroundings will cease.
Hi @Dillard, the main problem with moving into care at the moment is the difficulty over visiting, specially if your Mother in Law is used to lots of regular family visits. At the moment homes are limiting visits, and some aren't allowing visits at all, otherwise from what you've aid it sounds that a home is what your mother needs. Unless someone is with her all the time it is difficult to prevent wandering and even if someone is there it can lead to distress when the person with dementia isn't allowed to go out.
As for whether it would hasten a decline I think the jury is out on that one. My mother seemed to decline quite a bit when she went into care, but things were unravelling fast as it was and it may well have happened if she had stayed at home. Others have found that moving into a care home leads to an improvement as their loved one isn't trying to appear to make sense of an increasingly confusing world.
As for whether it would hasten a decline I think the jury is out on that one. My mother seemed to decline quite a bit when she went into care, but things were unravelling fast as it was and it may well have happened if she had stayed at home. Others have found that moving into a care home leads to an improvement as their loved one isn't trying to appear to make sense of an increasingly confusing world.
I don't think going into a care home makes PWD less independent. In general if they have stopped paying bills, or washing clothes/themselves, making food for themselves or whatever else we can count as signs of independence, they won't suddenly start again and will either try to find ways around it or it will just not happen. e.g. my dad started out making toast for breakfast, then stopped that and went to the shop to buy sandwiches, then started going to the onsite cafe (which he was not supposed to be doing), then stopped having breakfast altogether. At this point I realised he was really not capable of looking after himself and of course he has deteriorated since then but it's been in a safe environment where he can gradually get used to accepting personal care and so on. I personally wouldn't want the worry of MiL going out in unsuitable clothing especially in the cold and dark, so would start the process ASAP, or if she is self-funding, get respite while you work out a long term solution. Good luck, I know this is extremely stressful and COVID is not helping at all.
Thank you...I think you are quite right - it’s just such a tough call, particularly at this time
You're absolutely right. I don't know how I would have coped if we'd been in lockdown, but I wouldn't have been able to do a lot of the things I did to get dad moved, so I would either have had to ask others to do it or put it off - but when someone is wandering that's often the cut off where something has to be done, so putting it off may no longer be an option... wishing you strength!
Hi @Dillard ,
I completely understand your concerns about placing MIL into a CH at the moment because Covid and potential lack of visits is making it harder to know what to do. My situation with dad now 86 years is that sister and I are facing a similar situation although its probably out of our hands as to when it will happen.
Dads carers are struggling with my dads verbal aggression that has started to become more threatening. Dad lives alone and has Mixed Dementia. Care Company have handed their required 28 days notice to Adult Social Care so in just over two weeks dad won't have any care service going into his home.. My sister and I just can't supply dad with all his care needs he wears a permanent catheter and has been doubly incontinent for a long time he needs lots of help with personnel care.
I do believe my dad does need to be in CH now and the whole situation with covid is very worrying however I just cant see how he can live at home any longer when he's lost all ability to care for himself.
Dad will need some financial support from Local Authority so its them that will need to make the offer of finding dad a placement in a CH and supporting a move into one. I hope you find a way to make the decision that is in MIL best interest its not a easy decision at all. Good luck to you I really do understand your predicament.
I completely understand your concerns about placing MIL into a CH at the moment because Covid and potential lack of visits is making it harder to know what to do. My situation with dad now 86 years is that sister and I are facing a similar situation although its probably out of our hands as to when it will happen.
Dads carers are struggling with my dads verbal aggression that has started to become more threatening. Dad lives alone and has Mixed Dementia. Care Company have handed their required 28 days notice to Adult Social Care so in just over two weeks dad won't have any care service going into his home.. My sister and I just can't supply dad with all his care needs he wears a permanent catheter and has been doubly incontinent for a long time he needs lots of help with personnel care.
I do believe my dad does need to be in CH now and the whole situation with covid is very worrying however I just cant see how he can live at home any longer when he's lost all ability to care for himself.
Dad will need some financial support from Local Authority so its them that will need to make the offer of finding dad a placement in a CH and supporting a move into one. I hope you find a way to make the decision that is in MIL best interest its not a easy decision at all. Good luck to you I really do understand your predicament.
My mum started going out during the cold night in unsuitable clothing, including one memorable incident when she was wearing nothing more than an unfastened dressing gown 
At this point I knew she needed a care home, but it didnt happen until, soon after, she ended up in hospital with a TIA and went from there to a care home.
While she was in hospital she was found to be malnourished and dehydrated and when I checked her home I found unpaid bills posted between the towels in the airing cupboard, no fresh food in the house and it was obvious that she was no longer doing any sort of housework. She was no longer able to be independent, however much she insisted that she was doing all her own shopping, cooking and housework.
Once she had settled, though, and no longer had to worry about trying (and failing) to run a home, could relax into the simple routine of the care home where there were no expectations, she actually thrived. Regular meals and medication and constant contact with other people improved her tremendously - at her home she was on her own and had stopped allowing people in , so she didnt see anyone during the day unless she went out. At home she was declining so rapidly that I feared she would not live the year out, but in her care home she lived for another 3 years. I know that the pandemic is causing so many problems with visiting, but there is such an outcry that Im sure that there will soon be a resolution and it wont last forever anyway.
At this point I knew she needed a care home, but it didnt happen until, soon after, she ended up in hospital with a TIA and went from there to a care home.
While she was in hospital she was found to be malnourished and dehydrated and when I checked her home I found unpaid bills posted between the towels in the airing cupboard, no fresh food in the house and it was obvious that she was no longer doing any sort of housework. She was no longer able to be independent, however much she insisted that she was doing all her own shopping, cooking and housework.
Once she had settled, though, and no longer had to worry about trying (and failing) to run a home, could relax into the simple routine of the care home where there were no expectations, she actually thrived. Regular meals and medication and constant contact with other people improved her tremendously - at her home she was on her own and had stopped allowing people in , so she didnt see anyone during the day unless she went out. At home she was declining so rapidly that I feared she would not live the year out, but in her care home she lived for another 3 years. I know that the pandemic is causing so many problems with visiting, but there is such an outcry that Im sure that there will soon be a resolution and it wont last forever anyway.
Thank you..that’s really helpful and encouragingMy mum started going out during the cold night in unsuitable clothing, including one memorable incident when she was wearing nothing more than an unfastened dressing gown
At this point I knew she needed a care home, but it didnt happen until, soon after, she ended up in hospital with a TIA and went from there to a care home.
While she was in hospital she was found to be malnourished and dehydrated and when I checked her home I found unpaid bills posted between the towels in the airing cupboard, no fresh food in the house and it was obvious that she was no longer doing any sort of housework. She was no longer able to be independent, however much she insisted that she was doing all her own shopping, cooking and housework.
Once she had settled, though, and no longer had to worry about trying (and failing) to run a home, could relax into the simple routine of the care home where there were no expectations, she actually thrived. Regular meals and medication and constant contact with other people improved her tremendously - at her home she was on her own and had stopped allowing people in , so she didnt see anyone during the day unless she went out. At home she was declining so rapidly that I feared she would not live the year out, but in her care home she lived for another 3 years. I know that the pandemic is causing so many problems with visiting, but there is such an outcry that Im sure that there will soon be a resolution and it wont last forever anyway.
I think it’s largely out of our hands too. It’s certainly a difficult time for all of us in this situation and it’s so helpful to know we’re not the only ones
Best wishes to you and yours too
