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Desperate help needed for elderly relative and my mum


Registered User
Jan 27, 2015
Hi everyone

I've joined this forum on behalf of my mum. She is a neighbour to two elderly relatives aged 102 and 89. The 89 year old suffers from vascular dimentia.

For the last few years she has been caring for them, taking meals 3 times a day, ensuring they take the correct medication when required and generally being on hand when needed at any time of day and night. She does this purely for her love for our relatives and doesn't recieve any carers allowance.

However, recently the dimentia sufferer has become increasingly worse and my mum is now suffering with her own health. She is also full time carer to her partner who has had a stroke. So it's becomming extremely difficult for her to care for our relatives.

Outside care had been arranged in the past for our relatives (this was a year ago) but when the carers arrived our relatives told them they weren't needed and sent them away. My mum has also contacted the relatives doctor who said help is only available if the patient themselves ask for help, but the relative does a very good job of convincing doctors she is ok and doesn't need help.

So basically my mum can no longer take on their full time care and believes there is no help available as they won't ask for it.

But surely now that the relatives condition had deteriorated someone now must be able to step in?

If anyone can give me some help and advice it would be hugely appreciated.


Registered User
Aug 27, 2012
I would imagine the best thing would be for you or your mother to report them to SS as vulnerable adults. Explain how much support your mother has been offering and make it absolutely clear that all this support is being withdrawn.

I suppose it depends on how good the SS are in the area as to the action they take.


Registered User
May 18, 2014
Social services should in theory take over, they have become vulnerable adults. Sorry to say this, but your mother should now stop caring for them, her own health is paramount, I know, I know easier said than done. but she must back off if social services believe she can help in some areas, they will take advantage. Of course she can still help in her own way, when she has time, after a system for their care has been put in place. Time to get tough.