Hi Fellow forum posters I’m sitting once again on my own after my wife has gone upstairs to bed at 15.00 taking a picture of herself as company. She doesn’t want mine. Even to lie on the bed next to her for a short while she refuses. I’m not her husband anymore and I’ve tried all sorts to convince her otherwise.....pictures of us, talking about together memories, etc. Nothing affects her. So I try to convince myself that I don’t mind but deep down I wonder if I’m up to coping with what’s bound to happen in the future. Life can only get more bizarre and upsetting and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a untrained, inexperienced, ordinary bloke who lurches from one upset to another and I get angry, depressed, shout, say horrible things to her. No wonder carers get ill and go under. And I know with a rawness that’s painful that it’s the dementia that doing all this so I’m stuck with guilt that I sometimes treat her badly, an unrealistic need for some comfort from one who cannot give it and that dark thought of wanting to be free of it all. This isn’t living, it’s more of punishment. Did I do something in the past that was so bad that this is my comeuppance? Silly I know but then this drags out these types of thoughts. If I went upstairs now and she’s passed away I’d miss her presence like crazy but, on balance, she’d be at peace and I would just go on. After all what would I be missing anyway? I don’t get comfort anymore, no support, no physical attraction, no shared memories, no planning together and no warmth. Nothing that makes a relationship.