Despair
- Thread starter suem
- Start date
Hi Sue,
When you say your husband 'knows he is imagining it', I guess you mean he knows he was imagining it after the event because, at the time, it must seem very real to him. You could try just saying "oh that must be <a relative or neighbours name>", in a matter-of-fact way, or a reassuring "no, that's ok, I've locked the front door".
These are the type of things that Mum says to Dad, (even though they are not always strictly the truth) and they often (not always) seem to placate him. However, it takes time to remember to say these things, at the time (instead of "For goodness sake there's no-one there!!") and sometimes it's also easier to just shut the doors for a while.
When you say your husband 'knows he is imagining it', I guess you mean he knows he was imagining it after the event because, at the time, it must seem very real to him. You could try just saying "oh that must be <a relative or neighbours name>", in a matter-of-fact way, or a reassuring "no, that's ok, I've locked the front door".
These are the type of things that Mum says to Dad, (even though they are not always strictly the truth) and they often (not always) seem to placate him. However, it takes time to remember to say these things, at the time (instead of "For goodness sake there's no-one there!!") and sometimes it's also easier to just shut the doors for a while.
Bruce - Norman, love the banter whic goes on between TP users - makes us human I guess.
Lionel does not halluncinate often, which makes it easies to handle I suppose. I go along ith anything he says: so I have shooed cats out of the kitchen, rocked babies to sleep to stop them crying, etc. anything to placate. If it works its got to be O.K. Connie
Lionel does not halluncinate often, which makes it easies to handle I suppose. I go along ith anything he says: so I have shooed cats out of the kitchen, rocked babies to sleep to stop them crying, etc. anything to placate. If it works its got to be O.K. Connie
Hi Connie
yes, makes the whole thing more human and provides a safety valve. After all, if someone NOT involved in dementia caring made comments or asides that were less than serious we would be hugely offended. Only we can - hopefully - do it without offending.
It sometimes seems bizarre that someone puts in something humorous in a serious thread.
But that's life, isn't it? We struggle for ages at home, caring for someone who is in dire trouble, get near the end of our tether - then something happens. It may be that the person being cared for does something - intentionally or not - that strikes us as funny, or we find ourselves doing something quite ridiculous, either to relieve our tension, or because that is what works for the person with dementia.
Pain, interspersed with whatever pleasure we can wring from a life gone wrong.
And knowing others are experiencing the self same things helps a lot!
yes, makes the whole thing more human and provides a safety valve. After all, if someone NOT involved in dementia caring made comments or asides that were less than serious we would be hugely offended. Only we can - hopefully - do it without offending.
It sometimes seems bizarre that someone puts in something humorous in a serious thread.
But that's life, isn't it? We struggle for ages at home, caring for someone who is in dire trouble, get near the end of our tether - then something happens. It may be that the person being cared for does something - intentionally or not - that strikes us as funny, or we find ourselves doing something quite ridiculous, either to relieve our tension, or because that is what works for the person with dementia.
Pain, interspersed with whatever pleasure we can wring from a life gone wrong.
And knowing others are experiencing the self same things helps a lot!
Connie
it is true what Bruce says.
We are are united in our caring roles and that is why we can indulge in banter and micky taking.
It does help it is a safety valve.
Sometimes if I didn't laugh I would cry
Norman
it is true what Bruce says.
We are are united in our caring roles and that is why we can indulge in banter and micky taking.
It does help it is a safety valve.
Sometimes if I didn't laugh I would cry
Norman
Laughing beats crying
Yes, I would rather laugh than cry. I do have a fairly twisted sense of humour so it doesn't bother me when fellow carers say totally outrageous things. But if someone else does.... oh yes, that's offensive. But within the Alzheimer family, nothing seems to be offensive.
My favourite story - I was at my support group & we had a guest speaker who was discussing nursing homes & the waiting lists (which were long at that time) & what to do. One of the members, John, said "Research them all, find the one you like & when you have a bad cold or flu, go into it and cough & sneeze over everyone to create a vacancy for your loved one". All the members howled with laughter and the speaker looked horrified!! Got us through another day, though.
Back to Sue and Rosalind, you two (and all those taking care of someone at home) are incredible. My mother is in a home and when she's gone through particularly nasty patches, I have found myself wishing everything was over. Or screaming back at her (how useful of me! eh) or getting impatient. I find it so hard some days and I don't even have her at home. You are all incredible and I tip my hat to you. So don't beat up on yourself. It's only human to get angry & annoyed. What you are doing is the hardest thing I can think of.
Let's laugh together instead.
Yes, I would rather laugh than cry. I do have a fairly twisted sense of humour so it doesn't bother me when fellow carers say totally outrageous things. But if someone else does.... oh yes, that's offensive. But within the Alzheimer family, nothing seems to be offensive.
My favourite story - I was at my support group & we had a guest speaker who was discussing nursing homes & the waiting lists (which were long at that time) & what to do. One of the members, John, said "Research them all, find the one you like & when you have a bad cold or flu, go into it and cough & sneeze over everyone to create a vacancy for your loved one". All the members howled with laughter and the speaker looked horrified!! Got us through another day, though.
Back to Sue and Rosalind, you two (and all those taking care of someone at home) are incredible. My mother is in a home and when she's gone through particularly nasty patches, I have found myself wishing everything was over. Or screaming back at her (how useful of me! eh) or getting impatient. I find it so hard some days and I don't even have her at home. You are all incredible and I tip my hat to you. So don't beat up on yourself. It's only human to get angry & annoyed. What you are doing is the hardest thing I can think of.
Let's laugh together instead.
Hi Rosalind and Sue,
I know how you both feel. I am 54 and my husband is 75 this year. He has been on Aricept for almost 4 years now. We are still very lucky that we can still do lots of things together - like holidays. He doesn't actually remember them but he still loves the idea of going and enjoys it while we are there. He also loves looking at the photos etc. I too get very angry - mostly with myself! It's hard going but TP can keep you sane and give you the avenue for the moans and groans that you can't really have with friends!
Each day at a time!
Take care
Love
Izzt
I know how you both feel. I am 54 and my husband is 75 this year. He has been on Aricept for almost 4 years now. We are still very lucky that we can still do lots of things together - like holidays. He doesn't actually remember them but he still loves the idea of going and enjoys it while we are there. He also loves looking at the photos etc. I too get very angry - mostly with myself! It's hard going but TP can keep you sane and give you the avenue for the moans and groans that you can't really have with friends!
Each day at a time!
Take care
Love
Izzt
Hi Izzy, just realised you post from Dundee. What is it they say about Dundee,
Jute, Jam, & Journalism. Lionel used to work for D.C..Thomson, from the London office.
It is such a small world. He used to boost that he was the 'Foreign Correspondent', working out of London. Oh, how I wish he could still do that. Sorry, I seem to have hi-jacked this post, but I often print off postings to show Lionel.
I delude myself that he can understand what I am getting at, but I think our intellect is working on different "planes" Good luck and God bless, Connie
Jute, Jam, & Journalism. Lionel used to work for D.C..Thomson, from the London office.
It is such a small world. He used to boost that he was the 'Foreign Correspondent', working out of London. Oh, how I wish he could still do that. Sorry, I seem to have hi-jacked this post, but I often print off postings to show Lionel.
I delude myself that he can understand what I am getting at, but I think our intellect is working on different "planes" Good luck and God bless, Connie
I know where you are coming from
I am now 63. I have been married to my soul-mate for 16 years. Four years ago he was diagnoised with Alzheimers and 4 months ago "they" place Peter in a Care Home. None of my husbands family (he has a son & daughter) have been in contact. I get so furious because with my 4 children they have a loving relationship that they do not have with their natural father. I am also disabled have been for 21 years.For 12 years I had everything I ever wanted a devoted husband, my children and our Grandchildren. So many times during the last year I have wanted to get into my car and just drive away anywhere but home. I did not go as I love my family so much. I have felt resentment, anger, frustration, bitterness things I never have experienced before. Why me! My bubble of happiness had burst. I was then the Carer and I had lost the person I married to Alzheimers. Although Peter can no longer speak, when he looks into my eyes I see the love. Getting support is so vital. Keeping coming onto the Talking Point because like me at 3.26 in the morning where else can we express ourselves and for people to listen. As for the financial side, please get advice. We are always here if you need us at any time. God Bless. Christine
I am now 63. I have been married to my soul-mate for 16 years. Four years ago he was diagnoised with Alzheimers and 4 months ago "they" place Peter in a Care Home. None of my husbands family (he has a son & daughter) have been in contact. I get so furious because with my 4 children they have a loving relationship that they do not have with their natural father. I am also disabled have been for 21 years.For 12 years I had everything I ever wanted a devoted husband, my children and our Grandchildren. So many times during the last year I have wanted to get into my car and just drive away anywhere but home. I did not go as I love my family so much. I have felt resentment, anger, frustration, bitterness things I never have experienced before. Why me! My bubble of happiness had burst. I was then the Carer and I had lost the person I married to Alzheimers. Although Peter can no longer speak, when he looks into my eyes I see the love. Getting support is so vital. Keeping coming onto the Talking Point because like me at 3.26 in the morning where else can we express ourselves and for people to listen. As for the financial side, please get advice. We are always here if you need us at any time. God Bless. Christine
