1. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Is your mother getting Attendance Allowance, because she should be and if so, you could then apply to the council for a 25% reduction of the council tax, based on your mother's "severe mental incapacity" (horrible phrase but that's what it's called) - assuming it is just you and her living in the house.

    You are going to talk to the CAB? You may be eligible for a loan or grant. Also, I assume your mother receives a pension? If so you can apply to be a appointee and have her state pension and any other benefits paid into your account.

    From www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/third-party-access.pdf
     
  2. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Thanks Jennifer

    Thanks Jennifer,
    Yes mum gets Attendance Allowance and a small pension, but the solicitor implied that everything is frozen until I get (if I get!) the "deputyship"
    I have just sent an email to the solicitor asking about being an appointee. This would solve the money situation until I can access mum's accounts. (I know things have to be done to protect people like mum, but I only want mum to be comfortable, I'm not going to disappear with her money)
    Thanks folks, for being here.
    Wendy
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    I would contact the DWP as well as the solicitor - it's going to be up to them whether they agree to this. It may be the case that that now the application to be a deputy has been made everything is frozen but I can't say I think your solicitor has served you well in that case, since becoming an appointee through the DWP takes 2- 4 weeks (or it did for us) so doing that first would not have extended this procedure a great deal.
     
  4. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Thanks Jennifer

    Thanks Jennifer,
    You read my mind!, I'm just going to contact the DWP. I can just hope they will do it.
    Wendy
     
  5. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Sorry, new problem

    I asked the doctor, social services, the care home et all (on Tuesday!) to get mum home as soon as possible, she is not happy where she is, every time i go there are drinks left on table untouched because she can't get them herself. she downed a cup of tea and a full beaker of water in minutes. no one had cleaned her eyes, they were stinging. she was slumped uncomfortable in the bed etc.
    today I rang round again to get things moving. now I'm more worried than ever.
    Don't think I'll relax over the weekend.
    Now to my question - has anyone used the services of a private ambulance?. would I be liable if anything went wrong?
    even though it's going to cost me, I'm seriously considering it.
    As doctor isn't available till Tuesday, social worker is away for 2 weeks.
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    She's in a wheelchair? Does the care home not have a transport van? Alternatively, depending on your area, you may be able to find a taxi that can accomodate a wheelchair. When you say "if anything happens" do you mean because you've removed her from the home? Assuming she's not sectioned, she's not a prisoner. That's not to say that a fuss may not be made, but I don't see why you should have to wait until the social worker comes back from holiday, as my understanding is that she was just placed in the home temporarily while you were dealing with your father's death. You've dealt with is (well, you know what I mean) and now it's time for her to come home.
     
  7. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Thanks Jennifer

    Mum has to be transported on a flat stretcher as her hip has healed after a break (in hospital)in a fixed position. While home she can sit up a bit in the adjustable red cross bed to watch TV etc but she can't do a proper bend needed for an ordinary wheelchair. (it was tried a few months back and she was in too much pain.
    Every time she is moved she gets pain from shingles pain on back (the carers don't understand it) yet another reason why she wants to be home so I can keep an eye on what they are doing.
    Wendy
     
  8. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    I see. So it really does have to be an ambulance. All I can suggest is that you call around to find out what your options are in terms of transport. I would also be inclined to call and speak to a duty social worker - just because your social worker is on holiday shouldn't mean your mother has to wait on their convenience, particularly at this stage of her life - she (and you) are the clients after all.

    I am sorry about the shingles - my mother had them at the time of her death and while I don't think they exactly contributed to death, I do think they were indicative that her body was coming to the end.
     
  9. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Thanks Jennifer

    Mum has had shingles for 4 years, it comes and goes, her mum had it 20 years before she died.
    I've just booked an ambulance for mum this afternoon, hopefully i can gain a bit of control. The care home seemed ok when I told them. The person I spoke to said it would be the best thing for mum.
    I won't be happy until She's through that door though, if anyone stops her coming home I will be suicidal,
    Wendy
     
  10. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    mum's home

    At last I've got mum home, no help from social services though, they couldn't understand how I'd got an ambulance- just shows you what sort of intelligence these people have.
    The home washed her hair and fiddled with her ears, now she can't hear properly, she also has a sore patch on her leg which wasn't there before.
    She ate her (home cooked) dinner and said it's good to be home.
    I just hope i've got the strength to wait for the deputyship now and that my money holds out.
    Wendy
     
  11. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    Well done Wendy :)

    I hope the DWP at least hurries along with the Attendance Allowance to give you and your mum something to live on, however basic. I'm sure your mum will appreciate anything you can rustle up as long as you are both together at home. What good news that she is home.

    Von xx
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    I am glad your mother's home.

    Has she had hearing problems before? When you say "fiddled" how do you know? Could it be wax build up (it's odd, but my husband and my daughter are prone to this, but my son and I are not)?

    Did you investigate if you could become an appointee?

    P.S. I'm also sending you a PM.
     
  13. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    #33 wendylew1, Nov 1, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2009
    mum told me that they got water in her ears, then prodded around to get water out, she seems subdued, maybe because I keep crying. I miss dad so much. she seems to but doesn't react.
    I hope I've done the right thing. She had pains on day she came home, the food was wrong for her, at home she has a special diet.
    I can't access her attendance allowance, (or any money until I get deputyship) see previous posts. That's why I'm so scared.
    Friend's think I've done the wrong thing,
    Social services are starting on Tuesday, till then I'm struggling to wash and change her. if anything goes wrong I will be ill.
    Wendy
    ps haven't heard yet about appointee
     
  14. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Wendy - you're doing your best, with the best of intentions, and that's all anyone can do. Friends mean well, particularly if they are concerned about your health, but in the final analysis you have to do what will make you feel best when this whole thing has run its course. Also, the decision made this week or next is not set in stone. It can be revisited if it needs to be.
     
  15. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    i am ill at the moment, so mum has been taken back to the home. i am not eating properly, can't keep any food down. so called friends have not got in touch, i lost my best friend a few days ago (52, heart attack) i feel very low. doc gave me anti-depressants but they made me hallucinate and even sicker.
    i'm just able to lay on sofa and sleep. when i wake all i do is worry.
    i can't get out the house, i'm so weak.
    wendy
     
  16. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    Oh Wendy, you are going through the mill at the moment.

    I'm so sorry about your friend, it's no wonder you are ill and low. Are you getting any help other than from your doctor? Do those so-called friends know what you are going through? If not, why not call a couple of them and let them know. They may just be busy and not realise how you are feeling.

    Take care

    Vonny xx
     
  17. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Have texted friends

    I have texted friends (I'm deaf) but no one seems to understand how low I am, I'm in the house on my own. the three people I want to talk to are not here (dad, mum and best friend) and am not well enough to get to see mum. I've contacted the samaritans but they have been no use at all, I can't even get interested in my hobbies- reading, embroidery and art, getting out of bed is an effort. The doctor has been no help at all.
    Wendy
     
  18. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Wendy, I assume that you've stopped taking the anti-depressants you were prescribed if they made you sick? However there are other anti-depressants out there which may well be effective for you without the side-effects, and honestly I do think you need them - your description of how you feel is exactly how I am when I am unmedicated. I also understand how incredibly difficult it is to gather sufficient strength to even get to the doctor when you feel like this but you really do need to otherwise you're unlikely to get better. Please, try to make an appointment with your GP and go in and say what you've said here, and ask for another medication.

    I do so hope your doctor listens to you - if you don't have someone to support you, getting treatment for depression can be almost impossible as even making the appointment can be incredibly difficult.
     
  19. wendylew1

    wendylew1 Registered User

    Oct 20, 2009
    13
    Leicestershire
    Have asked doctor

    to give me a different prescription but she won't, she said I'm likely to react to others too.
    She said she would keep in touch, she hasn't. I can't get to the surgery (Meniere's disease is playing up) It's like everyone is saying they will help but it's been nearly three weeks since I spoke to anyone face to face.
    Wendy
     
  20. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Wendy, this is such a cop-out on her part. It's not even accurate. I was suicidal on one AD but have been fine on others. Also, if she thinks medication won't work for you she should be offering some other form of therapy. If you could, and I know this is difficult, you should contact the practice manager and ask if there is a GP who knows more about depression in the practice. I'm appalled that just trying one anti-depressant is considered responsible treatment by this doctor. If you can't manage to call, maybe you could write? Also, your local PCT should have some kind of mental health clinic - they would have more experience about possible treatments.
     

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