1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Imstressedout

    Imstressedout Registered User

    Jun 6, 2019
    30
    Our problem is our (82 yo) mum is clueless regarding finance, because dad (now with dementia and in a nursing home) always sorted it. I advised when dad was first diagnosed with Dementia that they should get a power of attorney. I’ve just found out that this was never done. Mum never keeps receipts, and bank statements just get thrown in the bin. I live an hour’s drive away so have had nothing to do with their day-to-day finances. Bills just get stuffed under a seat cushion to deal with “another day”.

    In order for the authorities to now do financial assessments and look at their benefits, they’ve said a Deputyship needs to be organized and mum is the obvious choice. I have 2 brothers who live nearby but similarly have nothing to do with their finances. All of us would be reluctant to take this role on: them becauSe they work full time and me because I’m not able to get to see them as regularly as I would like so I would be a hindrance if they needed anything sorting.

    Is mum the most appropriate deputy in these circumstances? Many thanks
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,739
    Yorkshire
    hi @Imstressedout
    given what you say about how your mum is dealing with financial matters at present, personally I'd say she couldn't cope with taking on Deputyship ... a Deputy must keep careful records and give an annual account to the OPG

    to me, it sounds as though it would be wise to arrange LPAs for your mum, maybe suggesting siblings acting jointly and severally so any one could help her with a particular issue ... this would give you the chance to support her and get things on a sensible footing eg as many regular bills as possible on direct debit and maybe organise online banking

    if none of the family take on Deputyship for your dad's financial affairs, a professional Deputy will be appointed and will make all decisions ... this will come with costs and possibly mean that family are not consulted over financial matters ... so I'd suggest one of you take on the role and thoigh it may take some time to get his affairs in order, after that the Deputy will be able to run things more smoothly
     
  3. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,250
    #3 Delphie, Jun 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    I'm a Deputy x 2 and have been for many years so, from my experience, I'd say your mum would find it difficult. You really need to be in top of everything, keep receipts, understand the need for certain financial decisions and so on. There are occasional visits from people who supervise you and while in some ways they're there to support you, you're also answerable to them. Then there's the annual report which reconciles ALL financial transactions and talks about the decisions you've made and are planning to make (there's a bit more to it but you get the idea).

    All that said, you not living close and taking on the Deputyship role should be very doable. You can deal with most financial matters online or by phone these days and you could have all mail to do with finance redirected to you. So you'd have online banking, bills would come to you, mum could be given access to limited day to day living funds, and things would probably tick over just fine.

    It's not great fun and I always take a deep breath before I launch myself at the annual report, but all you really need is a bit of time and basic maths, so at the very least I'd encourage you to give it a go.
     
  4. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,250
    P.S. I forgot to say that I work, so your brothers shouldn't disqualify themselves, automatically, just because of that. My Deputyships are quite complex and involve businesses as well as personal stuff. It really is possible. With the help of many, many box files. It's also possible to have more than one Deputy (or it was) so you could all be involved. Maybe divide what needs to be done. One person pays bills, another sorts out meetings with social workers, the third takes on house repairs etc. Just some ideas. :)
     
  5. Imstressedout

    Imstressedout Registered User

    Jun 6, 2019
    30
    Many thanks shedrech I agree about mum being incapable now and I take on board the LPA - we’ll definitely be sorting that next. Good advice about DDs and online banking (it’s obvious but I hadn’t thought of it!). We are currently deciding on who should undertake the tasks. No volunteers so far!!!
     
  6. Imstressedout

    Imstressedout Registered User

    Jun 6, 2019
    30
    Such good advice too delphie. I’ve contacted my brothers now and we will be arranging a meeting too. On the face of it it should be easy as they have no savings and nearly everything is paid for with benefits. Our biggest challenges will be stopping mum spending as she’s been used to dad’s benefits and getting her to keep receipts. She’s a nightmare in this respect (she screws her bank statements up and puts them in the pedal bin!!!). Living away I will have no control over that so not sure what happens there! Redirecting financial mail is a really good idea. Formal division of labour also a great idea.

    Many thanks both - you’ve been really helpful
     
  7. witts1973

    witts1973 Registered User

    Jun 20, 2018
    638
    Male
    Leamington Spa
    Hi if you have online banking all the statements will be there when you log on,so no need to worry about them being thrown away
     
  8. Imstressedout

    Imstressedout Registered User

    Jun 6, 2019
    30
    Great, many thanks. Defiantly the way forward
     

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