• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Deprivation of Liberty of the Carer

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,058
69
Dundee
@MaryMac54 you don’t sound at all like a moaner. You sound like you are at the end of your tether. Have you talked to your own GP about how you’re feeling? It might be useful to do so.

It might also be helpful for you to have a chat with someone on the Dementia Connect Support Line -

 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,689
South coast
On Friday, suddenly, he was admitted to hospital for his own safety hence why I have posted on here.
As he is in hospital, this is the easiest time to get him moved to a care home.
Find the hospital SW and tell them that you cannot cope with him at home now and refuse to have him back. You will probably have to be insistent and dig your heels in.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,514
As he is in hospital, this is the easiest time to get him moved to a care home.
Find the hospital SW and tell them that you cannot cope with him at home now and refuse to have him back. You will probably have to be insistent and dig your heels in.
I so agree canary, this is what happened to me and the hospital social worker said to me, this ends here, you have done enough. I will help you. And she did, even though we were self founders. She found me a lovely nursing home, did all the arrangements. This was 3 years ago. She was the first person who had ever helped. Previously ss had been awful.
Kindred
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,102
I agree with @canary and @kindred You can't have him home if it is like that. It sounds dreadful, I know I couldn't have coped with it like that.

Have you seen him since Friday because any stay in hospital is likely to advance his dementia and make things even worse. It will be very difficult but you must insist that he does not come home because you cannot cope anymore.
 

Gladys1946

Registered User
Feb 17, 2019
35
I want to know why there is much about the Deprivation of the person being cared for but nothing about Deprivation of Liberty of the person who lives with and cares for someone 24/7? You are expected to stay in without a break and can only leave if you have made arrangements for the person being cared for. Is it not time that there were rights for the Carer? The Carer is on Duty 24 hours and is not entitled to sleep, a home to retreat to, any personal liberty without the 'permission' of someone else either paid or voluntary. The Carer cannot do what they want or need to do. The person being cared for has laws and processes that protect them but not the Carer.
I couldn't agree more. I've reached tipping point and husband going to a home on Friday for a week's respite. What a struggle to get it though and its going to cost an absurd amount. It'll be worth it just to have a bit of peace. I'm fed up of bursting into tears for the least bit of a thing, fed up of constantly having to explain things and please do not tell me to have patience with him. Unless you are dealing with this 24/7 nobody has any idea whats its like. I look after my grandson two full days and do his pre school runs 2 days and he's a heck of a lot easier to deal with! And don't get me started on this rule of 6 which means I can't spend time with my son and his family and my single parent daughter. That would make 7, 3 of which are under 6! Life right now sucks.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
68
Chesterfield
I couldn't agree more. I've reached tipping point and husband going to a home on Friday for a week's respite. What a struggle to get it though and its going to cost an absurd amount. It'll be worth it just to have a bit of peace. I'm fed up of bursting into tears for the least bit of a thing, fed up of constantly having to explain things and please do not tell me to have patience with him. Unless you are dealing with this 24/7 nobody has any idea whats its like. I look after my grandson two full days and do his pre school runs 2 days and he's a heck of a lot easier to deal with! And don't get me started on this rule of 6 which means I can't spend time with my son and his family and my single parent daughter. That would make 7, 3 of which are under 6! Life right now sucks.
Hi glad you got your respite I care for my mum on my own and it is getting very difficult everyday is an emotional roller coaster that is more difficult to pick myself up from , I know what you mean about it being a struggle to get the respite my mums cpn spent her visit last week telling us how mum would deteriorate if she went for respite and she would be worse at home when she came out. I sat thinking I don't want to hear this I want help, anyway she said I will ring in 2 weeks ,everything is in 2 weeks I need it now not in 2weeks I hope you enjoy your time off .
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,576
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
I want to know why there is much about the Deprivation of the person being cared for but nothing about Deprivation of Liberty of the person who lives with and cares for someone 24/7? You are expected to stay in without a break and can only leave if you have made arrangements for the person being cared for. Is it not time that there were rights for the Carer? The Carer is on Duty 24 hours and is not entitled to sleep, a home to retreat to, any personal liberty without the 'permission' of someone else either paid or voluntary. The Carer cannot do what they want or need to do. The person being cared for has laws and processes that protect them but not the Carer.
👍👍
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
327
These threads are littered with postings from valient carers who really need to put their PWD in a care home. Not for a week, but for ever. It is bound to be horrible, like a bereavement, but nobody should be forced to endure the sort of pressure you @Andrea57 are having to bear. It will mean professional care for him, and relief for you, so nothing at all reproachable.
 

Gladys1946

Registered User
Feb 17, 2019
35
Hi glad you got your respite I care for my mum on my own and it is getting very difficult everyday is an emotional roller coaster that is more difficult to pick myself up from , I know what you mean about it being a struggle to get the respite my mums cpn spent her visit last week telling us how mum would deteriorate if she went for respite and she would be worse at home when she came out. I sat thinking I don't want to hear this I want help, anyway she said I will ring in 2 weeks ,everything is in 2 weeks I need it now not in 2weeks I hope you enjoy your time off .
I've heard all the stories about how much det
Hi glad you got your respite I care for my mum on my own and it is getting very difficult everyday is an emotional roller coaster that is more difficult to pick myself up from , I know what you mean about it being a struggle to get the respite my mums cpn spent her visit last week telling us how mum would deteriorate if she went for respite and she would be worse at home when she came out. I sat thinking I don't want to hear this I want help, anyway she said I will ring in 2 weeks ,everything is in 2 weeks I need it now not in 2weeks I hope you enjoy your time off .
I've talked to others and yes they may well deteriorate in a home even after a short time but whats the alternative? There isn't any. You stick to your guns and say you've got carers burnout and will break if you don't get help now, not in 2 weeks. Thank you for saying enjoy my time off! I'll certainly try!!!!!
 

MaryMac54

Registered User
Aug 23, 2019
13
These threads are littered with postings from valient carers who really need to put their PWD in a care home. Not for a week, but for ever. It is bound to be horrible, like a bereavement, but nobody should be forced to endure the sort of pressure you @Andrea57 are having to bear. It will mean professional care for him, and relief for you, so nothing at all reproachable.
Having to make that decision now. I have had to stand back and realise that my loved one needs more than I can give him. You end up where you feel damned if you and damned if you don't. If you collapse you can't look after your loved one anyway and the choices will be limited. I feel at least I can still defend him to the best of my ability.