Deprivation of assets question.

[Brizzle]

Thank you one and all for your replies on this subject, sharing different views and various perspectives. All very valid and reasoned opinions depending on your point of view .All in all you have given me some well needed clarity.

I have now decided to get 24 hour care for mum in her home. This will allow me to focus more of my time on my dear daughter who has suffered more than most under the current environment. I evidently cannot save her from a poor school but I can at least save her from an often non present dad who has been totally consumed and stressed out by trying to juggle between her and my poor mother with the unforgiving disease that is Alzheimer’s . The council can fund my mum (less what she can afford from her pension) when her savings are exhausted.

You have made me realise it’s time to take a step back and let my mums money fund her care. For the first time In a long while I can then look forward to taking my daughter on a weekend bicycle ride in the summer and do many every day things that others take for granted . My daughter does not have a mum present and it’s time to give her back her dad!

However my mother will still have her son...I of course will continue to visit her daily while my daughter is at school and at weekends as a family.

 

[jenniferpa]

Can I just say: I think you are very wise to understand the impact all this might have on your daughter. It’s the one regret I have regarding my care of my mother: I was absent at a crucial time for my younger child and it didn’t do him any favours.

 

[canary]

May I also offer some hope re the local school @Brizzle ?
My OH was unable to work after a car accident when the children were in primary school and I became his carer as well as looking after the children, rendering us dependent on benefits and I had to learn how to survive on very little money. The children went to the local school (which contained some rather rough elements) and I worked hard to conceal from the children the fact that we were poor. We went to local museums, art galleries and am dram productions. There were always books around and I encouraged study. Both of the children did well, even at that school, our daughter went to Cambridge and is now a teacher and our son declined Imperial, went to Brunnel and now has a PHD. This is not intended to be a boast, I say this to show that the home atmosphere and parental support is probably of more importance as to how well our children do.

 

[Quizbunny]

I would echo Canary’s comments.
My sons went to the local Comp that had a far from sparkling reputation. My eldest is now a RN engineering officer with a masters degree in nuclear engineering, and my youngest is a newly qualified Dr.
If children have a supportive family, and are taught the importance of hard work and focus, a state school can be just as good as a private one.

 

[Helly68]

I concur with the two posters above. In primary school I spent easily half of each year in hospital having operations so missed a lot of school. This didn't stop until I was about 15. Doing exams was tough but I went to university (probably in spite of rather than due to my schooling) and stayed in education after that. I went to a fairly mediocre state school. My sister went to a much more academic grammar. We had different strengths but I think we both made the best of what we had. I have to say though that in my day there wasn't the sort of competition for school places that there is now.

 

[jugglingmum]

Re schooling, my daughter started out at the local comp, we moved her in year 9 due to bullying, which we don't consider was the school's fault and it started in primary.

We moved her to a localish but out of area state grammar - when she got there the kids and the teachers thought that she would be behind them, as likely to have had poor teaching, in fact extra help was suggested to help her catch up. She commented that the standard was the same as her comprehensive, just more homework set, and more pressure applied (not a good thing). In the end of year exams 8 weeks after she joined the school she came top of her form, proving that academically her previous school was at the same level (she got a better history teacher but a much worse RE teacher for example) following the national curriculum. She got perfect GCSE grades and I have no doubt she would have got these at the local comp.

My son is at the local comp and we think going to the boys grammar would have been too pressured for him, when in years 7 and 8 he was struggling. The school have provided him with a lot of support (dyslexia) and he is in year 9 and predicted top GCSE grades.

There is an element of poor behaviour (5 fights witnessed by OFSTED inspectors - not actually normal behaviour) which son knows well how to steer away from and doesn't occur in his friendship group. This is something he has learnt by being exposed to it, and whilst not what you would choose, does give them more experiences for later in life.

Dau says that girls at her school are extremely naïve and not worldly wise enough for how the world works and doesn't think her current school is doing them any favours in this respect and can see why we sent her to the local comp to start with as the grammar school is not as good as it thinks it is, or it purports to be.

 

[Bunpoots]

I agree with all the above comments. The family have far more influence than any school could. My Husband left the family when my children were 10 and 13 years old. We effectively became poor, although I never used this term to my children.

Since that time - some 14years ago - I have kept a roof over our heads and established a small, but successful property business, which both of my children are involved in. They also have part time jobs.

They did well at the local comprehensive school although the eldest was bullied. Both survived. I can’t say I liked a lot of the children in the school but one meets alsorts out in the wide world and we all have to get along.
Eldest has a degree in business studies and runs an online art business.

I went to a grammar school and was dismayed at the thought that my children would not have that chance. Education is only a small part of life and definitely not the defining one!

 

[Brizzle]

Wow some truly inspiring posts regarding the schooling. Yes I totally concur it’s mainly about the family life and your child’s attitude and dedication to work. Luckily my daughter has all the right work ethics ( 20 hours elite gymnastic training per week helps towards that ) so I know she will do well as she faces life’s challenges. I of course still think she would do even better in a private school than a state school that ofsted says “requires improvement” in a number of areas but once again you have all put things into perspective. On the plus side the local school has a rather good and relatively new headmaster in place and some improvements are already being seen particularly in the younger years 7 and 8. And let’s not forget today’s schools requiring improvement ,can with the right guidance ,often turn out to be tomorrow’s outstanding schools!

 

[canary]

the local school has a rather good and relatively new headmaster in place and some improvements are already being seen particularly in the younger years 7 and 8.

This is a very good sign. In the light of this I honestly wouldnt worry too much about the Ofsted report.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Brizzle, finding a good secondary school for your child is one of the most stressful things ever. As someone who spent their working life in schools and advising schools I think how you feel about a school on a visit is more important than any OFSTED report.
Glad you've come to a decision as to how to help your mum too.