1. funkyangel44

    funkyangel44 Registered User

    Feb 16, 2015
    Hi, I help to care for my Aunty, who is 79 and has been diagnosed last August, with Alzheimers, (she doesn't know this !!). I guess, how each individual copes on a day to day basis with the loss of memory is different depending on their personality ??
    She lives alone and is becoming increasingly fed up all of the time, no matter what we do to try and help, ie: suggest social group meetings etc. There are only a few of us in our Family who make the time and effort to help her, others pop in every 6 wks or so etc. My Aunt has heart issues and is unable to walk far, so this is a big issue for her, and yes you guessed, she wont even think about using a wheelchair !! Help, we feel, we are constantly going around in circles, and don't know what else to do, its now causing problems for my mum, who is her main carer, and is starting to get fed up too...:confused:
  2. kaycee30

    kaycee30 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    Have you considered a befriender? An option of someone visiting your aunt in her home, spending time with her and getting to know her over a period of time, this may also help your aunt in accepting help in the future. The RVS have befriendr schemes and some Age UK brances too, I would consider this as an option to give the family some peace of mind that shes in good company.
    Hope this helps :)
  3. skaface

    skaface Registered User

    Jul 18, 2011
    My mum is similar, today when I went round she said she was "thoroughly fed up" - at the moment I'm not working so I can spend time with her, but I have to find a job soon and I won't be able to spend as much time with her as I do now.

    However my mum won't take the Donezepil she's been prescribed, and certainly wouldn't take anti depressents if they were prescribed. She also doesn't want to go to anywhere where she can socialise with anyone else, it drives me scatty. I have taken her out many times since I was made redundant and she seems to enjoy this but won't go to the Age UK day centre.

    The nurse clinician at her memory clinic the week before last recommended that she have a full assessment by Social Services who could arrange for someone to go in and get her to take the Donezepil and have a chat with her - the nurse clinician did say she'd make the referral and phone me but she hasn't yet so I need to call SS myself tomorrow.
  4. funkyangel44

    funkyangel44 Registered User

    Feb 16, 2015
    Thanks and yes!! I spoke to my aunty yesterday and suggested a befriender, but that went down like a lead balloon !!....I also suggested, someone to come and take her out each day....and no she wasn't happy with that either......aaaaargh.:confused:
    but thanks anyway for responding xx
  5. funkyangel44

    funkyangel44 Registered User

    Feb 16, 2015
    Oh god its bloody hard work, isn't it !! I know my aunt wont take her Memory tablets that were prescribed by the memory doc, or her antidepressants....maybe we need to take a look at getting social services involved and see if they can offer any help. Am thinking that it may be time that she fully knows her diagnosis.....thanks for your respsonse and good luck with your mum xx
  6. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    Hi!..its so difficult when loved ones wont accept help!
    This the point where we find ways around it...maybe your friend going with you one week...then gradually maybe suggesting they pop in one day!..it does seem that slightly deceitful but caring for a loved one is all compromise finding ways of helping them and dealing with the ever changing behaviour...seeing their life through their eyes..and if they believe they are in the 1950s do be it..
    Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
  7. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    Hi, I do think its important to get SS involved and get a programme of carers coming in. No one I know actually wants carers, but that is not the point. Get them in and importanly get the meds schedule set up. Many of us now know what lies ahead - carers are the first step. You never know, she might actually like some of then and importantly, its peace of mind for you. Good luck.
  8. JayneB6367

    JayneB6367 Registered User

    Dec 18, 2013
    #8 JayneB6367, Feb 17, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2015
    I am in a very similar situation, my Mother is refusing to take any of her tablets (they range from calcium through to memory tablets and anti depressants). Stubbornly tells us they are not doing her any good but she just cannot judge that. She is housebound since we took her car away (a hard thing to do but absolutely the right decision) and then she had 2 falls. She is depressed and bored too. To be honest she just tells us every day she wants to die, such a personality change for a women who was so upbeat and fun.
    We just don't know what to do about the tablets as both my sister and I work full time and live 50 miles away, we go every week, at least once a week but cannot go every day so how do we make her take these tablets? She has been assigned a health nurse form the local memory clinic but with the best will in the world she cannot be there every day.
    I am also thinking more and more about a care home - a mixed dementia and age related type so she has company every day but I am really not sure of this is the right thing to do.
    She has got a lot worse very quickly and literally cannot remember what we did in the morning let alone the day before and constantly tells people she hasn't seen anyone and has been on her own for days when either my sister or I or even a friends have been and taken her out.
    Aaaargh...its so hard to cope with, know what is right and try to stay sane yourself! ;)
  9. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    I was in a very similar position with my mum this time last year. She wouldn't accept any help at all, wasn't taking her meds, wasn't eating, wasn't drinking, her only comfort was having me there etc.......I was at my wits' end.

    Mum too was offered a befriender but turned her down. She also turned down care visits. However, as time went on it became clear to me that she really doesn't have the capacity to make these decisions. So....I made an appointment with her GP, she of course refused to come. So, I went on her behalf, had a good chat with the GP who said he'd refer her for residential care. This gave me the shock I needed!! :eek:

    So....mum now has two care visits a day, which I have told her are on doctors orders. I cannot begin to tell you how much better she is for regular food, drink and meds......She looks better, her confidence and balance are improving, and who knows, I may even get her to a social activity soon :D

    So I'd say, sometimes you do have to be assertive. It goes against my nature, but has been so beneficial for mum.

    Hope this helps and good luck :)

    Lindy xx

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