I am a new member and have been browsing for quite a while - it's been so enormously helpful to see that so many others are having to experience the same awful things.
My 86-year old mother has AD, & lives with my 88-year old dad in London, and I live in Edinburgh. We are planning to move south in the spring, once we have found somewhere else to live. My older brother lives near them, and I visit them as often as i can - mostly every 2-3 weeks over the past year, and staying there with them for 4 or 5 days at a time. I ring themeveryday - I did ring 2 or 3 times a day, but now can maybe only cope with once a day. they have a magical wonderful carer - but only from 9am-2pm, and so no one is there to help my dad when my mum's "sundowning" starts. My younger brother also lives in Edinburgh but he has his own life.
My last visit was the worst ever and although I came home over 2 weeks ago I still can't stop crying and feeling utterly desolate. My mum was on Aricept for 18months and has been on Ebixa for nearly a year. Things were so bad last time, with her constant anxiety about going home (having lived in the house for over 50 years), finding another house, going home to her father, looking for her husband (although he is with her and has been for over 60 years), that the consultant prescribed Seroquil, an anti-psychotic drug. I was so loathe to start on that slippery slope, but was convinced by the CPN and also by my mum's terrible state of anxiety.
I guess I would like some advice on how to cope with my own emotions - no one else in the family has been completely overwhelmed like i have - I feel as if I'm maybe carrying the grief and distress for everyone else. Family and friends visit mum and dad and say they were very well and happy and coping, implying that I'm completely over-reacting, and what's wrong with me that I can't be there more for my parents. Of course I'm happy that mum and dad are "OK", but I have experienced the nightmare of sundowning, of trying to support my dad (whose memory is also failing), trying to relieve my mum of her anxiety. On the last visit I had to keep escaping to my room to cry (silently). Now, when I ring them, my mum always answers the phone (and why not - she loves to hear from people!) we have endless repeat conversations about moving and house and homes etc and I find myself giggling - this is the first stage of my hysteria. I have to ring off with some stupid excuse (eg i just sat on the cat! - true actually!) and feel awful about it, with my mum thinking I was laughing at her. Then the flood gates open and I have another howl - one of many during the day.
Needless to say, I'm becoming increasingly useless as a carer and as support to my dad; I'm hardly sleeping (not helped by hot flushes etc) or eating; and can't get my head round anything else I'm meant to be doing in the day, unless it's some paperwork/phone calls etc on my mum and dad's behalf.
So, basically I'm feeling a real wreck, and just can't seem to pull myself out of it.
Any advice would be gratefully received.
Thank you so much.
Best wishes
Judith
My 86-year old mother has AD, & lives with my 88-year old dad in London, and I live in Edinburgh. We are planning to move south in the spring, once we have found somewhere else to live. My older brother lives near them, and I visit them as often as i can - mostly every 2-3 weeks over the past year, and staying there with them for 4 or 5 days at a time. I ring themeveryday - I did ring 2 or 3 times a day, but now can maybe only cope with once a day. they have a magical wonderful carer - but only from 9am-2pm, and so no one is there to help my dad when my mum's "sundowning" starts. My younger brother also lives in Edinburgh but he has his own life.
My last visit was the worst ever and although I came home over 2 weeks ago I still can't stop crying and feeling utterly desolate. My mum was on Aricept for 18months and has been on Ebixa for nearly a year. Things were so bad last time, with her constant anxiety about going home (having lived in the house for over 50 years), finding another house, going home to her father, looking for her husband (although he is with her and has been for over 60 years), that the consultant prescribed Seroquil, an anti-psychotic drug. I was so loathe to start on that slippery slope, but was convinced by the CPN and also by my mum's terrible state of anxiety.
I guess I would like some advice on how to cope with my own emotions - no one else in the family has been completely overwhelmed like i have - I feel as if I'm maybe carrying the grief and distress for everyone else. Family and friends visit mum and dad and say they were very well and happy and coping, implying that I'm completely over-reacting, and what's wrong with me that I can't be there more for my parents. Of course I'm happy that mum and dad are "OK", but I have experienced the nightmare of sundowning, of trying to support my dad (whose memory is also failing), trying to relieve my mum of her anxiety. On the last visit I had to keep escaping to my room to cry (silently). Now, when I ring them, my mum always answers the phone (and why not - she loves to hear from people!) we have endless repeat conversations about moving and house and homes etc and I find myself giggling - this is the first stage of my hysteria. I have to ring off with some stupid excuse (eg i just sat on the cat! - true actually!) and feel awful about it, with my mum thinking I was laughing at her. Then the flood gates open and I have another howl - one of many during the day.
Needless to say, I'm becoming increasingly useless as a carer and as support to my dad; I'm hardly sleeping (not helped by hot flushes etc) or eating; and can't get my head round anything else I'm meant to be doing in the day, unless it's some paperwork/phone calls etc on my mum and dad's behalf.
So, basically I'm feeling a real wreck, and just can't seem to pull myself out of it.
Any advice would be gratefully received.
Thank you so much.
Best wishes
Judith