1. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Yesterday I received MT report about our visit with John on Monday! Some things are accurate others are not. Discussed it with admiral nurse who happens to think I am depressed!!???? However I don't agree and now questioning myself? John and I cope reasonable well during the day but night times are different. He sundowns and hardly sleeps and I find that difficult as by 3 am I give up going back to bed and I am therefore tired. There's a difference between being sleep deprived and depression surely??? I don't feel depressed I just feel tired due to lack of sleep! What are other members thinking? X


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  2. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello chick
    Can John take sleeping tablets, it was a great help to me when my hubby was up all night, l don't think you are depressed, if you were you wouldn't be able to cope in the day time. Thank you for PM ♡♡♡
     
  3. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    Well how strange my feathered friend we have so much in common. Tiredness is a feature of being on duty 24/7. Depression is a normal reaction when there is little hope for any positive change. I would defy anyone not to feel tired and depressed by watching their loved one being consumed by dementia. That is a normal reaction it is not an illness caused by a chemical imbalance: that thesis has been challenged by many.

    The worrying thing in all of this is that dementia is usually linked in with mental health provision. Professional staff focus on trying to elevate mood where they judge it to be low. I feel like saying to them if it was your loved one, how would you feel? Would you be in a good mood watching the inevitable decline?

    I don't need treatment to elevate mood. I need empathy from professional staff at this is very challenging time in my life. I also need them to go back to their Line Managers and get me the support, and respite, that I need so that I am not too worn out to carry my caring role.

    One thing that really depresses me is the misguided approach of professional staff who have the audacity to suggest that the problem is my mood.
     
  4. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hello pamann, lovely to hear from yoh John can't take sleeping pills as they don't mix with his Epilepsy medication! Glad u agree as I don't feel depressed just tired ! and that's the difference xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Oh dear you can't win on that one!!!
     
  6. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Morning GL so glad to read your comments as I have never been depressed in all my life . Do I feel down every now and then, of course I do . It's because I care and love my John to bits ! I think I have empathy and inside and feelings and it's hard and extremely sad watching your loved one with this cruel disease! As you want to protect them! Is that depression? Don't think so somehow x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,702
    Kent
    Good morning chick

    Medics are too quick to diagnose depression, especially in someone who is a full time carer , sleep deprived and worried sick about the one they are caring for.

    You can be exhausted, anxious and thoroughly fed up to the back teeth without needing medication for depression.

    I don`t know you but I do read your posts. You seem all right to me, you are interacting well , have humour and relate to the worries of others. I`m no medic but what`s most important is you don`t see yourself as depressed and neither do I.
     
  8. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Well I do try and have a snooze in the afternoon every now and then ! Just laughed as consultant suggested to sleep in separate rooms??????? As if that would help, I still would hear John getting out of bed and shouting so would have to get up! Useless suggestion . How are you today? Xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Ahh thank you Grannieg it's quite surreal as its a new admiral nurse and she only spend an hour with me and seems to know enough to come up with depression !!!! The only time I get really wound up is when it comes to the so called services! They stress me out cos they don't listen, don't understand and then come up with things like this . Mind boggles xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  10. marknsu

    marknsu Registered User

    Feb 15, 2015
    1
    Nottingham
    No Labels

    Hi
    We are new to this. My dad in law, Marks father has just been diagnosed and we are bewildered, anxious, frightened and angry so if someone with psychiatric/medical qualifications said we were suffering from confusion, paranoia, and anger issues I would feel like strangling them.....does that mean they would include" homicidal" to the list.
    We do what we can do I guess and I think we are going to need all the help we can get from you guys as we are in Nottingham and Dad and Mum in Somerset. We feel helpless too Is that depression?;) lol
     
  11. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hello and welcome marknsu thank you for your comments. It is frightening and all the other things you mention specially so if you just have been diagnosed bless. It's a roller coaster of emotions! I remember it well. Somehow you learn to live with it and get more knowledgeable along the way. Everybody is different with this cruel disease but there are lovely days and times to be had , good days and not so good days but in general we are coping well and there is help available . Just don't like it when certain services make assumptions after spending only a short time with you and come up with depression


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    I have had periods of depression and am quite open about this. So when Maureen had her stroke and then had 'memory issues' professional staff wanted to make sure I didn't get depressed again. They advised me to get the support I needed so I would remain well enough to look after Maureen.

    What they fail to understand is I was fortunate to benefit from a doctor and therapist who taught me to think my way out of depression. My last episode was because I couldn't cope watching someone else, that I loved, die of breast cancer and the impact it was having on her mother, Maureen. Once I found out how to cope with sadness and grief things improved. Tablets may have provided some temporary relief but I didn't need them for life. I needed to learn how to cope with the ups and downs of life.

    The thing that really gets me down at the moment is mental health staff who want to label people who have a legitimate reasons for feeling down in the dumps. What they fail to realise is that their approach may be exacerbating the problem!
     
  13. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,981
    Suffolk
    Depression, stress, sleep deprivation.... I've been through all three. They all mess you up. Sleep deprivation is the worst because you are responding to someone else. Any chance of a few days respite, chick? Then you could sleep the clock round ( though we would miss you)!
    I'm stressed at the moment. It's not easy. Life as a carer is ups and downs and things catch you out when you least expect it. Everyone deals with things differently and professional help can be invaluable. It can also be a waste of time, as I found out once. A walk is often just as therapeutic, if you can walk and ( in my case) do it on a day when OH is not around. His walking us worse than mine!

    Just note above, 'things catch' autocorrected into 'the clowns'. Just as appropriate!
     
  14. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Hi Chick

    I have felt quite indignant when professionals have said I'm depressed and for me it caused them to fail to look at what else I was trying to tell them about a severe condition affecting my thinking and cognition.

    I, like you and most on TP was worn out, exhausted and in a state of continuous grief during & post caring for years my state of being was 'normal' and it was support and help I needed but also a recognition of what I was trying to communicate, I'd not had a problem like it before.

    You know yourself better than someone who has only met you briefly and whilst it may 'appear' to them you are, and must be, depressed it is unwise of them to say so without getting to know you better first.

    I don't read all of your posts but those I do you don't come across to me as being depressed.

    I agree with GL's comments approach of Mental Health Staff attitudes unfortunately more often push me into my shell and make me feel depressed.:(
     
  15. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    Hi Chick

    I forgot to mention on an earlier post I joined one of these free on line courses which looked at mental illness. I have forgotten the title now but Peter Kinderman the Professor of Clinical Psychology at Liverpool University coordinated the course. He asks a fundamental question about depression: what is happening in the individuals life when then present symptoms that might be diagnosed as depression? He asserts that it would be better to help them refocus their life rather than jump for the prescription pad. His Blog is worth a scan as are his recent books. I think the Chick Formula is one of the best I have seen: create lots of 'me time' and restrict your exposure to Mental Health staff.
     
  16. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hello SueJ , you are so right with what you are saying . Maybe it's the communication! Maybe also their listening skills aren't what they should be!!! Thank you for your post, it's really appreciated xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  17. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    GL oh you do know me so well :))) !!! I will look at that course on the net. It's is however the mental health and survives what make me stressed with their ever ready labels and their ticking of boxes as this illness does not fit in boxes or ticks! Glad that you all helped me to confirm what I was thinking in the first place ..... Not depressed just struggling and worse out on this roller coaster of a journey!!! Xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  18. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hi Spamar that's the problem my love, we are deemed coping and not entitled to any help! But obviously I am depressed !!!! Yes with them I am!!! Sorry you are having a bad time my friend much love to you xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  19. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    Hi Chick,
    I could have written your post myself as it's identical to what is happening with me !
    Just after John was diagnosed a carer came to the house to assess me, and my needs
    with regard to how I was coping with looking after John she had a list of questions in front of her that she was ticking off and one of them was, "How would you describe your emotional state?" Like you, I was up most nights and getting little sleep but would not have described myself as depressed, so I just replied, "very tired!" :rolleyes:
     
  20. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Loving this one Amber ! I'm so glad you are all here and sharing your experiences as it shows I am not the only one being misunderstood xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.