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Denial

lolroyal

Registered User
Jun 1, 2016
1
0
I have had a 3 year struggle to try and get my husband to accept he has a problem but its just denial, excuses, denial in a constant loop. I know the advice is to ignore but I cant because we are going to need financial help soon. he is only early 60's and is earning no money. I lost my well paid job last year due to Covid and cannot continue to pay for everything for much longer. Where do I go? What do I do?
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,777
0
Yorkshire
hello @lolroyal
a warm welcome to DTP

I'm glad you've found this supportive community ... there are other members here caring for someone under pension age

I'm sorry to say that someone with a dementia diagnosis will often apparently deny there is anything wrong as unfortunately their brain has been affected and they are no longer able to make the rational connection .... it does make it difficult to help the person

so, you will have to take on organising your finances and support

for looking into benefits, this may help
and Citizens Advice will have a lot of knowledge of what and how to claim

your husband may be entitled to PIP

maybe have a chat with an advisor on the Support Line as they have a lot of knowledge of financial issues

 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,556
0
Victoria, Australia
I went through a similar thing trying to get my husband to have an assessment though he was quite a bit older than yours.

I finally achieved getting him assessed with the help of our very supportive GP. I went and saw him on my own and explained in great detail what my concerns were and that my husband was in total denial.

Our GP thought that if my husband was challenged to be assessed just to prove to me that I was wrong that he might agree.

GP was very tactful but it worked and after extensive testing, scans etc we had a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. (One up to me!)

If you haven't tried something like that, could be worth considering.
 

jojo99

New member
Oct 19, 2020
1
0
Unfortunately my sister was Diagnosed 12 months ago and she still remains in Denial , stopped Treatment stating there is nothing wrong with her , it's so difficult to deal with , now she wants to move back where she used to live .
Her husband is just going along with it all for a quiet life .
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,145
0
The advice from @Shedrech is good but rather overlooks the point that you husband won't cooperate. That does make it very difficult indeed. You can't make him claim things unless and until he loses capacity to make his own decisions. Arguably he has lost capacity for decisions that depend on understanding his condition.

Is there an option to retire and get a pansion?
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
5,156
0
Essex
I have had a 3 year struggle to try and get my husband to accept he has a problem but its just denial, excuses, denial in a constant loop. I know the advice is to ignore but I cant because we are going to need financial help soon. he is only early 60's and is earning no money. I lost my well paid job last year due to Covid and cannot continue to pay for everything for much longer. Where do I go? What do I do?
Has he had a diagnosis? If not you should make an appointment with your GP and tell them of your concerns. Ask them to get him to an appointment using any other of his health concerns and then you may have to use love lies to get him there.

MaNaAk
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,777
0
Yorkshire
hello @jojo99
a warm welcome to DTP

such a tricky situation for your sister's husband
sadly it can often be the case that the person wants to move because they think that will solve all their problems ... unfortunately the 'problem' is the dementia, which they aren't able to understand because their brain has been damaged, but which they take with them everywhere ... so they may look for other explanations and can alight eg on a house move or blaming someone (usually the person who cares for them most, as they are with them most)
actually moving isn't likely to make any difference to the underlying condition, and may cause more confusion as nothing will be familiar ... as it costs quite a bit to move, with all the fees involved, if your brother-in-law doesn't want to move then I'd suggest he goes along with the idea to some extent eg look online for areas and properties, maybe even visit an area for a break and view some properties, so that it looks to his wife that he is taking her seriously ... he may well find that actually she will find fault with any property they visit (my dad did this; there was always a reason why it wasn't for him) ... and he can make sure that although he books a viewing, it isn't for a week or so and may even be cancelled as the house sold in the meantime (helpful fibs, or 'love lies' can be so useful, worth coming up with several possible scenarios that mean a property is a no go) .... this will mean some work on his part, but not result in a move that will not produce the desired effect for his wife
if your b-i-l does want to move, maybe help him check out all the services which he may want to call on in the future eg local care agencies and care homes, easy access to transport and shops, GP surgery close .. and think carefully about the layout of the property eg manageable stairs, a large cloakroom (even shower room) downstairs (so a carer could help the person with personal care), maybe a similar layout to the home they now live in (so feels a little familiar)

now you've found us, do keep posting ... maybe start a thread of your own eg here
 

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