Denial - My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a week ago…

[Dunroamin]

Hello @vickylondon . A traumatic time for you all. Another one here joining the bandwagon of doing POA's ASAP. I am acutely aware that many PWD (Persons with dementia) are in denial regarding either diagnosis or prognosis. I am probably an exception as I have an early diagnosis, medical knowledge and still have insight. Having so many times witnessed relatives arguing beside someones bed as they lie dying, I can assure you that any stress you anticipate about approaching your beloved father now - is nothing compared to what can happen without a POA in place. A POA is something your parents NEED rather than want. A profound difference.

Your father WILL be struggling and as other have said, may not accept his diagnosis. That is a big part of this damned disease. I wish you and your family well. I am unsure if you have contacted your local carers association yet, my husband who has no medical or social background found them invaluable and their advice and support enabled him to make contact with other groups and help. Here is a link to make it easier for you

Carers UK homepage

We’re here for unpaid carers with expert information, advice & support and also campaign to make life better for carers.

www.carersuk.org

 

[Seloptape]

And is in complete denial. I don’t know what to do to best help him.

He is resisting taking the medication prescribed as doesn’t feel he needs it yet. And is refusing to fill in the dvla form and contact his insurance company re his diagnosis as has got it into his head they will tell him he has to stop drivi g even though the doctor said she saw no reason why ge couldn’t carry on driving at the moment.

I obviously can’t force him to accept this and to do the necessary/advised stuff! Re the driving he is going to visit family this week and doing a 5 hour drive and I worry something will happen and if he hasn’t informed the relevant bodies will get in trouble even if anything that may happen might not be his fault. He just argues whenever myself or mum gently mention it…

and re the medication has anyone else had a loved one not want to take it even though if no side effects wouldn’t hurt to try it?? Any tips I. How approached would be so welcome!

it’s relatively early stages although I notice a decline in him frequently. How long can it be left before you need to be a bit more insistent that some things are done even if he is still struggling to accept his diagnosis? I don’t want to upset him and want him to have the best life he can.

When should things like lasting power of attorney be mentioned? My dad has always handled everything and will be very stubborn in thinking he doesn’t want/need help. But I don’t want to leave it too late and then struggle to sort this stuff out!

sorry for the ramble. I’m completely devastated and trying to get my head round it myself! Thank you in advance to anyone that replies x

Vick so sorry to hear about the problems with your dad and glad you are on the site as its good to talk and you are not alone. Ive only just joined as my mum started to get dementia over lockdown . Shes 93 and lives alone . Yes the denial stage is very hard to deal with...we had the same with mum although she has accepted it now but she is still very stubborn and has her moments. I think getting friends to suggest things is a really good idea and we have employed that technique a few times . Have you been to the memory clinic yet ...its a good idea as you are then in the system. My mum is excellent at putting on a show and telling all the doctors there is nothing wrong with her but luckily they know better and can see from the records . Have the same problems re the drugs . I have them all in a box by day and call her every evening at 8.30 for her to take them which is good as it becomes a regular thing that they like to have . She also has glaucoma and is in total denial and all the doctors are wrong ! so I have no idea if she puts the drops in or not but we are hoping she can have a procedure where she does not have to take them. Mum is still driving ! ...but the DVLA gave her the licence and that decision would have been made by the doctor as well . Its worth doing POA . I set it up some time ago but recently she was the victim of a telephone bank scam and lost money so we ( me and my sisters) have taken over all the money side and give mum cash every week . Once you set up the POA with the banks and set the parameters it means she is at least safe from these criminals. We take it on a week by week basis now . We have also found a great care home which is worth sorting out now . My aunt is there and is very happy . Someone suggested we get a social worker as they can coordinate all the services needed and they will take your mums health into account as well . Good luck