1. Londoner

    Londoner Registered User

    Dec 15, 2007
    4
    London
    #1 Londoner, Dec 19, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2007
    Hi Everyone,

    I hope you can help. I've just read Matty's post about denial and this post is similar.

    I'm an only child from a single parent family. I'm 32 and my Mum is 70 in March. My Grandma had vascular dementia and as such I know a little about it. Looking back on it now she was forgetfull for as long as I can remeber. She died a few years ago aged 97 after having spent the last three years of her life in a care home.

    For the last 4 years, I've become increasingly concerned about my Mum. I think she is developing Vascular Dementia. She smokes like a trooper and WILL NOT stop. (How she says it. Part of me thinks she is trying to kill herself before the dementia takes hold.)

    I've tried talking to her about it, but she gets very aggressive. She tells me I'm giving her the dementia and says we should stop seeing each other. Now, having read the many posts about how mentioning dementia can terrorise those it inflicts, I understand I should'nt try to talk to her about it candidly. However, if I don't help no one will. I'm all she's got. She's always kept herself to herself, is fiecley independant and was a very successfull business woman.

    I feel very much alone on this. My friends seem to offer little support. The best advice they offer is for me to go into denail also. To a certain extent this is what I have been doing, but I feel we're getting to the stage where if I don't do something and she has an accident, I'll never forgive myself. I'm so stressed (I've broken out in hives over the last couple of days.)

    For the last three days she's had bad attacks of what she calls "vertigo". I'm worried she's having transient aschemic attacks or mini strokes. She's been having these for the last few years and they are occuring more and more often. She's got the heating on full blast and her memory and cogitive function are getting steadily worse. Her hand writing has also deteriorated to the point that for the last three years she has'nt written any Christmas Cards. (I do them for her.) She often has totally forgotten our evening conversation by the morning after and seems to be reatreating into the past in her head. She is writing a biography at the moment and is a year late for delivery. Her new delivery date is at the end of January and she can barley write anymore. Most days the words "just don't seem to come" and on a good day she'll manage a paragraph or two at the most. She keeps going back over what she has done and is constantly revising it. She won't take any time off and gets angry when I suggest it. I know the stress is making it worse.

    I have tried gently persuading her to see the doctor but she won't go. Its denial all the way...

    Any suggestions? Please help. Much appreciated, Londoner. xx
     
  2. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hi Londener.now its my accent!right hun first step.write to GP or spaeak to them,sometimes the GP won't discuss through patient confidentiality.SO write and expresss your concerns.Hopefully GP will call mum in for a routine appointment aand take it from there.has mum been diagnosed with any type of aenemia?love elaine
     
  3. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Hi Londoner
    This is a very difficult situation for you. I can understand how you, and probably your mum, fear the onset of dementia. Approaching your mum's GP, as Elaine suggested, could be a way forward. There could be other medical reasons for your mum's problems and the doctor could arrange for thorough checks. As an only child myself, I empathise with the burden of responsibility you carry. Is there another relative or friend in whom you could confide? It can be helpful to have someone else to talk things through with.
    Blue sea
     
  4. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Hello Londoner,
    Do you have a local Alzheimer's Branch near you ?
    You say that your friends are not being supportive.
    Thank is so common for a lot of us. If you go to the A.S. Branch, you will find so much support and advice there.
    Best wishes. Christine
     
  5. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Sorry, Londoner, I should have clarified that I meant was there one of your mother's friends who could be a source of support. It is sad that your own friends cannot offer much support but they are perhaps at a loss, through inexperience of dementia, to know how to help you.
    Blue sea
     
  6. Londoner

    Londoner Registered User

    Dec 15, 2007
    4
    London
    #6 Londoner, Dec 23, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2007
    Many Thanks

    Many thanks for your kind comments. I have written a note to her doctor and I'll deliver it in the morning. I'll also get in touch with my local alzheimers branch. Best wishes to you all for a merry christmas. L xx
     

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