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Dementia x2

Atthis

Registered User
Nov 25, 2015
3
Purley, Surrey
Hi,
My mum has been diagnosed with two types of dementia, Alzheimers and vascular dementia. She is 79 and has always been very stubborn. She won't accept any help from SS or the doctors as she thinks she will be put in a home. She has no friends and lives in a rundown cold, dark house a long way from any transport. She is confused and has glaucoma and is almost deaf. She was assessed for capacity in the spring, which 'they' say she has but she isn't coping. I don't live close by and she has no help because she says 'no thank' to everything. She needs daily eye drops but loses the bottle within a day or two. The chemist won't keep prescribing them for cost reasons. I've tried to get a district nurse in to help but because mum is physically fit she goes out. When the nurses come over she is either out or can't hear the doorbell. She forgets appointments and I can't find any medical transport or someone to take her. She can't/won't cook and won't accept meals on wheels, when out she looses money, she only has the state pension. I think she is very vulnerable and in denial but don't know what else to do. Dr days she has capacity and SS she say no to everything! Any advice from the more experienced amongst you?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,608
South coast
Hello Atthis and welcome to the forum.
This is a most horrible stage. Mum went through this at the beginning (even losing her glaucoma drops bottles) and I had the same problems: Mum wasnt coping, she didnt understand that she needed help, she felt she was fine, she refused all assistance, SS said she had capacity and it was her decision :(

I was pulling my hair out and Im afraid that I never found a solution. Eventually there was the inevitable crisis, SS did another capacity test and she was found to have lost capacity, so she went into a care home.

I must say that she has been so much better since she has been in there, but I wish that it hadnt taken the crisis.
 

Atthis

Registered User
Nov 25, 2015
3
Purley, Surrey
Can I ask what the crisis was?

Hello Atthis and welcome to the forum.
This is a most horrible stage. Mum went through this at the beginning (even losing her glaucoma drops bottles) and I had the same problems: Mum wasnt coping, she didnt understand that she needed help, she felt she was fine, she refused all assistance, SS said she had capacity and it was her decision :(

I was pulling my hair out and Im afraid that I never found a solution. Eventually there was the inevitable crisis, SS did another capacity test and she was found to have lost capacity, so she went into a care home.

I must say that she has been so much better since she has been in there, but I wish that it hadnt taken the crisis.
Thank you for your reply, it helps to know that I'm not alone, although it feels like it most of the time! Can I ask what happened?
 

Pinkys

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
157
South of England
How dreadful for you. My MiL (See new post about atypical behaviour) was very similar. The real problem is the absolute refusal to accept any help or advice. She was living alone, cooker turned off, wandering and being picked up by London Transport Police, banging on neighbours' doors etc. We had tried 3 different ways to give her support, so she could stay in her own home. All rejected and, like your mum, since she was mobile, she would just go out. We would have considered having her with us, but there was no way on God's earth that she would have agreed, so a non-starter.
Crisis happened. She was in a hell of a state, wandering in the street, ringing neighbours' bells, unamenable to their kind support. They rang SS, who took her to hospital. Hospital would not let her out till we could confirm 24 hour care. We could arrange it, but said we could not guarantee she would be safe as she would walk out. So hosptial transferred her to the care home. A truly hideous weekend. But inevitable.
 
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Atthis

Registered User
Nov 25, 2015
3
Purley, Surrey
Thank you.

How dreadful for you. My MiL (See new post about atypical behaviour) was very similar. The real problem is the absolute refusal to accept any help or advice. She was living alone, cooker turned off, wandering and being picked up by London Transport Police, banging on neighbours' doors etc. We had tried 3 different ways to give her support, so she could stay in her own home. All rejected and, like your mum, since she was mobile, she would just go out. We would have considered having her with us, but there was no way on God's earth that she would have agreed, so a non-starter.
Crisis happened. She was in a hell of a state, wandering in the street, ringing neighbours' bells, unamenable to their kind support. They rang SS, who took her to hospital. Hospital would not let her out till we could confirm 24 hour care. We could arrange it, but said we could not guarantee she would be safe as she would walk out. So hosptial transferred her to the care home. A truly hideous weekend. But inevitable.
How is your mum now she is in the home?