Dementia.. The mind shattering impact it leaves

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Sweet, Feb 23, 2015.

  1. Sweet

    Sweet Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    72
    Dementia has a terrible impact, it leaves something I don't think I will ever forget..

    Today is the first day back to work, a month after my mum passed away frrom it's hateful consequences. All I can think of are ....

    ...the hallucinations, the fear she had, panic, loneliness, bewilderment, confusion, utter sadness, UTIs, incontinence, urine smells, desperation, misery, lost dignity but also her bravery when she tried to connect to me... It's just such a mind shattering thing to suffer.

    So I know it'll be 'back to work.. ok' but it's not, I can't just wipe out the last years like it never happened... people who haven't experienced it just don't get it... That what I'll experience now.
    Sweet
     
  2. keywest67

    keywest67 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2012
    169
    Coventry
    Hi, my Dad passed away in November and yes his illness devastated us, all the things you describe horrendous death, the nightmares haven't stopped but they dull a little bit by bit and I now remember Dad more before Dementia took hold.......work in many ways helps me as its a kind of normality........take care x
     
  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    #3 lin1, Feb 23, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2015
    Hi. No you can't wipe out the last few years as though they never happened, I will never forget my mums last few years and I am five and a half years on, gradually though the happier memories start to come back .

    I hope you don't find your first day back to work too stressful and that your colleagues are understanding
    TC XXX
     
  4. lexy

    lexy Registered User

    Nov 24, 2013
    569
    #4 lexy, Feb 23, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2015
    deleted
     
  5. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Try not to dwell on the last few sad years but rather the happier times you experienced with your Mother and hopefully, gradually those happier memories will take over from the awful ones. I will never forget my Husband's harrowing last year but we still managed to have a few laughs and now six weeks on it is those that I try to concentrate on rather than the horrid days and nights of infection, hallucinations, delirium and the fact that he did not know who I was and why I was there. Peaceful thoughts and thinking of you WIFE
     
  6. Sweet

    Sweet Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    72
    Thank you everybody for your replies.

    Well First day done back after half term.. I work with children and they just live in the moment..so it felt less stressful than I imagined, my colleagues were supportive and let me just get back into it.. I was so anxious this morning almost like I shouldn't be getting back to normal.

    Looking back over the last few years, the thing I wish could have happened, was that somebody had pointed me toTP from the outset, maybe GPs could promote it.. I think they should have an appointed 'dementia nurse, attached to each surgery, for care and guidance for the carer!... although each dementia journey is different there seems a pattern to it, mine started with never ending phone calls. I read posts saying this and think ..oh yeh.. I remember that at the beginning, but at the time I wondered what on earth was going on, I would have felt some reassurance if somebody could have said this is one normal aspect of dementia.

    Anyway I'm on a different path now and want to start recalling my healthy happy mum before all this started.

    Thanks for listening and your support.
    Sweet x
     
  7. CJW

    CJW Registered User

    Sep 22, 2013
    213
    A few months on from losing Mum and for the first time this weekend I had a good memory of her predementia. A silly thing happened and I could hear her wry and witty comment as if she was next to me. I hope that as time goes on the bad memories will lose out to the good ones for me and for you....love
     
  8. Pinnochio

    Pinnochio Registered User

    Dec 3, 2012
    16
    So true

    Hi,
    I am still in the moment of it all, mum 85 and advanced dementia, I can relate to everything you are saying, 2 of my friends rarely mention mum as they openly admit they have no experience of this dreadful disease, another has been through it and now returned to work, she has been such an ear for me! I agree you could do with a dementia nurse at the surgeries to help you through, mum currently doesn't know how to get into bed, she climbs in on all fours despite me showing her every night, she sleeps or lays in her bed most of the time and can't even cover herself up in bed! I can't lift her, last night I had to just cover her up where she had landed on the bed! (her heating is always on so she doesn't get cold) But you can't begin to explain all the things you experience with this disease to other people!
    Anyway, I hope time heals all you have been through and you find your way back into "normal life" ! Look after yourself
     
  9. Sweet

    Sweet Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    72
    Ah... It's nice to know that eventually the good memories take over...and Pinocchio, I feel such empathy for you still in the midst of it...I wish you peace and strength to care for your mum x
     
  10. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Sweet - I remember so well the Senior Carer at my Husband's Nursing Home saying to me one day early on "everything in the mind of someone with Dementia is normal to them so don't question why". That simple phrase helped me enormously to face all the odd scenarios and situations I would find each day when I visited. In fact I can honestly say that now he is "gone" I would give anything to be driving down to the NH wondering what I am going to find. Aren't we strange beings?

    Remember the good and the bad - but don't dwell on the bad for long - it was all part of the horrible journey. WIFE
     
  11. Pinnochio

    Pinnochio Registered User

    Dec 3, 2012
    16
    Hi

    Thank-you, I certainly feel as if I need some peace and strength! I hope I can eventually remember some good memories as all I can think at the moment is how awful it is, then I think of all the other problems in the world and others that don't make it this far and I think I need to just get on with it and stop feeling sorry for myself!
     
  12. Sweet

    Sweet Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    72
    Hi wife..
    I think it's helpful when someone can help ease the troubled thoughts we have as in your senior nurse regarding your OH. I think TP is helpful for that too. We are funny beings because I have the same thought now my mum has gone,(and sadly at times I wished it was over) I wish I could have a bit more time with her!...and in the midst of it I didn't think I'd be saying that!...
    Take care
     
  13. Ash148

    Ash148 Registered User

    Jan 1, 2014
    276
    Dublin, Ireland
    Sweet, I am so sorry for your loss and glad that your return to work wasn't as bad as feared. Like Pinnocchio, I am still in the throes, but I do hope a day will come when the worst is over and happier memories resurface.
     
  14. Karjo

    Karjo Registered User

    Jan 11, 2012
    481
    I am also in the midst of it all wondering and worrying about how this will all end. I am also almost grieving for myself as well as the Mum I am losing, as long gone is that person who was worry free about dementia, clueless and oblivious . it will never be the same even when this will sadly end, and I also worry about the impact on my family if I go the same way. Its like losing trust in the only person I thought I could trust and know, myself.
     

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