Dementia Stories to Make you Laugh!!!

basil

Registered User
Jan 24, 2006
4
0
West Sussex
Roys last words

Thank you everyone for your replies.
Sadly he didn't make it through the night - only as far as 2.30 GMT.
I'm sure he would be delighted if he thought he had inspired at least one of you to watch "Smokey & the Bandit" again.

I apologise for putting this message on this particular thread. and though I know there can never be a happy ending to this scenario, please keep listing the lighthearted moments. They helped me.
Regards, Basil
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
0
Suffolk,England
Basil

I'm sorry your brother Roy has lost the long struggle with AD but, at the same time, how long can one wish it to last when there's no "return" and he'd reached the end of the line. I'm not disregarding your feelings of loss and grief but having lost my Dad to cancer years ago, I'm sure you will have breathed a sigh of relief as well, as I did.

{{Hugs}}
 
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Dearth

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May 27, 2005
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Wigan
www.freewebs.com
basil said:
I apologise for putting this message on this particular thread. and though I know there can never be a happy ending to this scenario, please keep listing the lighthearted moments. They helped me.
Regards, Basil

No apologies necessaty Basil - I started the thread and I have no problems with that whatsoever - you kindly shared a story about your brother on here and it's simply a continuation of that - my thoughts with you at this sad time...

If and when you feel up to it feel free to share any other information about your brother here... in fact, I'll do one... this is about my Granddad who died when I was still at school... although I'm nearly 34, I still miss him greatly... yet I can remember the laughs we shared which is something I treasure more than money (honestly... even though it may sound corny) - I'll share it here...

Okay, my Granddad did not have dementia... but I'm changing the thread rules here a bit to include any humorous tales... hope you don't mind.

:)

How can I describe my Granddad?

In my eyes he could do no wrong. He had come to live with us when I was very young and always spoke to me as if I was an adult; I respected him and am grateful for a gift that he gave to me - the ability to become an exceptional speller.

An example: at the age of around three or four I had heard the word 'diarrhoea' used in a conversation somewhere and asked what it was. Now whereas an adult might silence a child, he explained it and then taught me how to spell it. And spell it I could, from memory at any given time.

Some children perform party tricks such as singing or dancing much to the delight (and sometimes prompting) of a parent, my particular skill was an abhorrence.
"And what can you do lad?" I would be asked, and before my mother or father could stop me, I would say proudly:

"I can spell diarrhoea... see... D-I-A-R-R-H-O-E-A.". No one ever applauded.


Granddad was also an avid reader and loved cowboy novels. When I came home from school he would often shout me into his bedroom to show me a passage that he had earmarked, usually it would involve breaking wind (I never knew why cowboys needed to f*rt so much), much to my delight. I think it was he who was responsible for my strange sense of humour which I developed at an early age.

I do remember however that Granddad had a cruel sense of humour, which I think passed over to me when he died. An example: if I had a balloon as a child I would happily bounce it up and around the room (this was a pre-Nintendo era you must understand). He would sit with a cigarette in his hand and watch for a while before asking me to pass it over to him, and that he would send it back to me.

Now I knew for a fact that he loved to burst balloons with his lit cigarette, and was reluctant to do as he wished. The conversation would go something like this - he would frown and say:

"Don't you trust me?"

"No" I'd reply, "you always say this, and you'll still pop my balloon!"

"Well that's nice" he'd sulk, "and after all I've given you" etc. etc.

That clinched it. Emotional blackmail! I'd feel guilty, launch the balloon and...
POP!

Followed by a fit of uncontrollable laughter from Granddad, and the realisation that I would never learn from this!


Granddad also told me some tales of when he was younger, most were humorous and I still laugh about them today. Here is the one that most sticks out in my mind:

At one time he was a lorry driver, delivering heavy goods along the British motorways. On one occasion his wagon broke down somewhere in Wales and he went to look for help: the roads were mostly deserted and he wandered a mile or two until he came upon a large farmhouse. As is usually the case in these scenarios (like some second rate British horror movie) there was no telephone, and, as it was late, no-one in the farmhouse was prepared to drive out and summon help.

"I'll tell you what I'll do" said the farmer, "You can stay here for the night, I'll put you in baby's room - there's a bed by his cot, you're welcome to use it".

Granddad gratefully accepted the kind man's hospitality, and as a gesture he offered to take the farmer and his son's to a nearby pub where the drinks for the evening would be paid for by him.

All went swimmingly, and the revellers had such a good time that they made Oliver Reed look like a teetotaller. All staggered back and Granddad found himself asleep in the bed in baby's room.

As many people know, the human bladder has a distaste for alcoholic drink, and Granddad's was no exception - at around two o'clock in the morning it told him that it needed emptying - urgently!

But what to do? Granddad did not know the layout of the building, and was something the worse for wear.

His mind raced, and the need for relief pained him. He wondered: where was the toilet?

Did they even have a toilet?

Even in his drunken state he hit on the perfect solution - take a pee in baby's cot! Let the cherub take the blame... just one night in his own piddle wouldn't harm the little b*gger, would it?

So cradling the child in his arms and careful not to wake him, Granddad gently placed him on the bed before unzipping his flies and getting rid of a good few pints of spent ale into baby's cot.

Heavenly relief! Although ashamed of what he had just done, he felt so much better for it.

"Sorry little 'un" he said to baby "you're going to have to take the blame for this one!" and he went to pick baby up just as a noxious smell hit his nostrils.

To say that baby had been 'unwell' was an understatement - baby had been very unwell and had let loose the very stuff that Granddad was to teach me the correct spelling of many years later...

Baby had had diarrhoea.

This particular story ends with Granddad opening the window and disappearing away into the night, probably leaving the farmer and family wondering... 'who was that generous man with the bowel problem?' for many years to come.


:D

N.
 

Canadian Joanne

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Apr 8, 2005
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Toronto, Canada
There's a lovely lady at my mother's care home called Doreen. I think Doreen must have been an incredible woman when she was well.

When I ask her "Doreen, how are you doing?", her usual response is "Everyone I can, and suckers twice." When I ask her "How are you feeling?" she responds " Almost normal."

It makes my day.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Whenever you ask Lionel how he is, he replies "O.K. why?"

I rest my case. Connie.

Except today: when asked at his new care home tonight he said:
I used to be GA.........I think I am becopming GA GA. Heartbreaking or what! Connie
 

jks

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
67
0
West Yorkshire
I hope you don't think I'm heartless with this one - but it really was quite funny afterwards!

Taking Dad to the Drs. A bit of a performance - I have to arrive at parents house at least an hour before the appointment, although Drs is only five minutes away. Mum & Dad both have to have their 'last wee', then there's the search for shoes, finally loading Dad (with AD), Mum and her wheelchair into the car....the off we go.

After a minutes driving, I look at Dad in the back, who is leaning against the side window. 'OK Dad?'....'Yes thanks'.
Another minute - Dad seems to be fidgeting about a bit - still has head right on one side. 'Dad...What's wrong? Are you sure you're OK?' Mum pipes up 'George! Sit up straight!'. Dad whispers.....'I can't breath.....'

He has somehow put his seatbelt round his neck.

What he actually did was instead of pulling the clasp across his body and plugging it in, he put his whole body through the seatbelt, realised that was wrong, looped it round his neck, and then plugged it into the wrong socket!

I stop the car, and try to extricate Dad, with Mum shouting helpful comments from the front seat. 'George! Take your hat off and pull your head through!' .....George, take your glasses off and pull your head through...then finally...'George! Take your hearing aid out and pull your head through! Quick as a flash Dad replied ' What difference will that make! It's a hearing aid, NOT A BLOODY EAR TRUMPET'.

Anyway. I'm now at the point of going into a shop and borrowing some scissors to cut him out, when suddenly he manages it! He's free! We carry on to the Drs.

Dr says...Now then George, how have you been?'
Dad replies ...' Well appart from having nearly hung myself in the back of a Micra, I'm not too bad!'


Dads 'ear trumpet' comment made me howl - it's not often that Dad can manage a quick reply or retort to anything now. We used to have quick-fire banter all the time. Even the simplest questions needs a while for him to formulate a reply now.

So be warned....take care with those seat belts! (Actually I feel guilty now that I didn't make sure that he was correctly strapped in before we set off - I do now, though.)
 

daughter

Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
824
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jks - That's one of those stories that you know you're going to laugh about when it's all over! It also certainly gave me a chuckle, thank you, excellent!! And how I can relate to those special moments of the old quick-fire banter.

Mum and I think we now have the seat belt thing into an organised procedure, goodness knows how just one person manages. The instructions have to be given at exactly the right time, else it all goes horribly wrong.

1. Mum stands behind Dad explaining that he has to get into the car, "Turn round" - else he'll get in head first and end up in all kinds of strange positions.

2. Pause while Dad seems to have great difficulty fitting his feet into the car - is it my car that's too small, or the fact that he keeps his feet straight out in front and won't move them sideways at all to fit past the front seat?

3. "Don't move over" - otherwise, for some reason, he'll move right over to the other seat.

4. Meanwhile, I'm round the other side of the car ready to take the seat belt from Mum and plug it in. Phew!
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Hi all, how these take me back! You have to laugh or you would cry wouldn't you. I think this is what keeps us all going, trying to see the funny side of situations that otherwise would floor us. Love She. XX :)
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Saw Lionel today in his new care home.
Male carer knocked on his door to ask if we would like a drink. We asked for two coffees. When the coffee arrived the carer called out, but had to enter saying"I am sorry I could not knock, as I had my hand full"
Quick as a flash Lionel said, "Thats O.K. she has just put her clothes back on"
Shades of the old Lionel, long, long may they continue. Connie
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Oh Connie love, that did make me chuckle, so pleased for you! Its these things that you can share that will now be so important to both of you. As you say, long may it continue. It also seems as if Lionel is settling in quite well if he is back to his old self with a joke too, thats a relief for you I am sure. Lotsaluv, She. XX
 

jks

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
67
0
West Yorkshire
This happened several years ago, but still brings a smile to my face.

I was on the phone to Mum, who had got me scouring the internet to find a neighbours house, that was up for sale....she wanted to know how much for.

I find the house, look at the details, and remark to Mum...'Ohh, I didn't know they had a bidet...... very posh.'
Mum calls out to Dad....'George.......GEORGE ........Did you know that Mr XXXX has a BIDET?'
In the background, Dad replies.....'No. I didn't think they liked dogs'.

Mum then asks 'George, you do remember what a bidet is, don't you?

Dad .... slightly irritated by now.....'Of course I do. It's one of those small yappy terriers, that go for your ankles.'

I love this thread. :D
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
0
Suffolk,England
jks said:
'George, you remember what a bidet is, don't you?

Dad .... slightly irritated by now.....
'Of course I do. It's one of those small yappy terriers, that go for your ankles.'

I love this thread. :D

Priceless! Thank you JKS :)