Dementia or Depression

[Sandymo]

I am worried about my mum, she is 75 and has been showing worrying signs for past year or so. All started at a football match my son played in he scored we celebrated and two minutes later she asked if there had been any goals. She constantly repeats herself, asks the same questions and sometimes repeats the question before you have finished answering. In the supermarket she puts things in her trolley and then doesnt remember putting them in there or she bys a plant or new top and at the end of the day insists the items arent hers. She has always been a loving very caring mum but I find her to be very cold and uncaring at times.. She has a history of depression and has had therapy for this (it stems from an abusive childhood). My father is very much a bury his head in the sand person and refuses to get her to see the gp or speak to him himself he just says he can cope. I did manage to speak to her gp and got her there on the pretext of it being a meds check up but the gp did nothing now I have been told my father is next of kin and gp won't do anything unless it comes from him or Mum but she is not the easiest person to persuade to go to the Doctor. I am at my wits end and feel very much on my own and not sure who to turn too now. Any advice would be great

 

[marionq]

Sandy I think this is a matter for your Dad even though I fully understand your anxiety. Yes, it sounds like dementia and she would be better with a diagnosis which could lead to some help for them in the house or in the form of day care or later respite. Financially they could claim Attendance Allowance which is not means tested and a reduction in council tax.

If the current Alz drugs were suitable for her that can slow down the rate of progress of the illness. So there are good reasons to get a diagnosis but they would have to be willing to do so.

 

[Sandymo]

Things have come to a head this morning and Dad has agreed to go with me to speak to her GP so hopefully he can give us some guidance of where to go from here. I am a care worker so see dementia a lot but somehow it feels different when it's your own family or is it just me that feels like that

 

[Sandymo]

Dad still refusing to see a problem

Well again Dad is refusing to see a problem I really thought I had got through to him after things got bad last week but. I am getting desperate now and its making me ill with the stress. Has anyone had experience of writing to a GP to make them aware of the situation. I was thinking if I wrote to her GP something might get done.

 

[Emac]

Writing to GP

Hi Sandy

No I haven't had any experience of this re dementia, however I did resort to this when my Mum suffered from depression and kept telling the GP there was nothing wrong in her life and she was fine! Funny how one illness seems to follow the other. I would write if I were you and also send a copy to the practice manager if for no other reason that you will feel you have 'done something' and I sense a strong urge in you to 'do something'. Then it is really up to the GP practice what happens next. That said I do think your Dad has to be ready to admit the problem and accept help. It sounds like he knows there is a problem as he is saying he can 'cope'. What exactly is he coping with if all is well? There will be reasons why he does not want a diagnosis at this stage, and fears about what it will mean. Perhaps he is in denial. If there is no diagnosis he can pretend it's not happening. He may fear the reaction of others to the disease, the invasion of his home by social workers and carers and ultimately that his wife may be taken away from him. Try not to let things come to a head, but perhaps you or another friend or relative can talk to him gently and try and find where the resistance is coming from. What I would emphasize in talking to him is that at this stage there is medication which can slow the progress of the disease and without it she may decline much more quickly. You are obviously very concerned about your Mum. I wish you luck. Try and stay calm,

 

[Dayperson]

I am worried about my mum, she is 75 and has been showing worrying signs for past year or so. All started at a football match my son played in he scored we celebrated and two minutes later she asked if there had been any goals. She constantly repeats herself, asks the same questions and sometimes repeats the question before you have finished answering. In the supermarket she puts things in her trolley and then doesnt remember putting them in there or she bys a plant or new top and at the end of the day insists the items arent hers. She has always been a loving very caring mum but I find her to be very cold and uncaring at times.. She has a history of depression and has had therapy for this (it stems from an abusive childhood). My father is very much a bury his head in the sand person and refuses to get her to see the gp or speak to him himself he just says he can cope. I did manage to speak to her gp and got her there on the pretext of it being a meds check up but the gp did nothing now I have been told my father is next of kin and gp won't do anything unless it comes from him or Mum but she is not the easiest person to persuade to go to the Doctor. I am at my wits end and feel very much on my own and not sure who to turn too now. Any advice would be great

I feel your pain Sandymo, my mum's going through a similar thing at the moment. Dad tells me that when I had gone up yesterday evening she asked who's sweets were on the table several times then ate the whole bag and they were meant to be for the three of us. This is from someone who used to make sure everyone had their fair share.

I find that I tend to try to keep a distance because if I don't she will end up making me depressed or shout at her.