that is the sign i feel like putting in the window people stop and ask after Tom my husband and say i will come and visit please do and we will have a cuppa though he can't carry on a conversation he will be pleased to see you we will they say and that's it nobody calls is it only me or have other member's found this never mind carry on a frustrated gingerlou x
Dementia isn't catching
- Thread starter gingerlou
- Start date
I have found to be true, what I heard so many times...that you really find out who your friends are. My OH’s cousin and her husband, have been pure gold. The husband takes OH out for lunch every single week...and they give us the dates a month in advance. He never misses...and OH loves to go to the pub and feel normal. Another couple who I have put off,so many times, because I was tired, or we had a hospital appointment, have faithfully kept in touch, kept offering dates...and when I expressed surprise, the wife said, ‘we were at your wedding and we were asked, will we, as family and friends, support you in your marriage? We said yes, and we meant it’. Others have melted away, but are more than made up for by the faithful ones. I hope you find this to be true too.
Hi gingerlou. I find this is happening to my mum. She can hold a conversation but just gets a bit mixed up and her words are a little jumbled. Her old circle of friends who are elderly themselves between late 70's and 80's, seem to be shying away from her a bit and seem a bit irritated and are telling me that they are concerned about her. I tell them that she has a few memory problems but she's ok. I think they get frightened and tbh don't really want to deal with it. She has sensed all of this and felt angry about it. It started to really get her down. It's a shame, but I can't make them see her. I could tell you in a few strong words how I feel about those so called friends, but it's not worth it. She has a couple of closer childhood friends that she sees from time to time and this usually involves me setting up a time and day for us to go and see them. She's recently started going to a day centre 3 times a week that specialises in dementia. This has helped, as she is now making new friends through that and on the plus side they all have one thing in common, memory loss. She doesn't feel embarrassed so much now.
thank you for your reply at some point we all have the same problem tom does go to a day centre once a week under sufferance its like taking a 2year old having a tantrum but its the one day i can meet my grand children and feel normal so i will put up with the tantrum hope i'm not turning into a moan x
I think this does happen with some relatives and friends ... various reasons I would think...not knowing what to say...how to communicate...seeing a pwd brings it home that they too could develop dementia, any of us could...not caring enough about the person to bother etc. However I also think this is probably the same reaction from some that other people who have illnesses with limited life expectancy also find....and it can sometimes happen to a person left behind after death. Sad...but there it is...even with dementia anyone not visiting the pwd is missing out...However as shown on the caring threads about invisibles we are all different in how we handle things or choose not to!
No you are definitely not turning into a moan. It's called getting things of your chest, which we all need to do. I think the difference between my mum and Tom is that she is on her own. If dad was still here, I'm pretty sure she would be the same and wouldn't have been able to get her to go to a day centre. I tell mum that it's what her doctor's have asked her to do Medicine for the memory. She's quite happy to go if the doctor has asked for it, strangely enough. I'm finding I'm having to be a bit sneaky with her.
You have to have a bit of down time for yourself or you'll implode So keep with it.
You have to have a bit of down time for yourself or you'll implode So keep with it.
i used to get so cross when friends from 50 odd years of my mums just shut her out of their lives when she went into the nursing home. You'r right, its like dementia is a disease to some people and they don't want to touch it. It would have meant so much to mum to have seen and spoken to them when she was lucid.. As it turned out, a lovely lady form the Catholic Church visited mum every week so mum made a new, sincere friend.
