I'm not seeking any support but just want to share something. My 89yr old mother has vascular dementia and lives with us; prior to her moving in in late 2011 I spent virtually every weekend with my father and her since early 2010 (he died later that year). About 2 months ago I finally decided we needed a break and investigated care homes locally; my mother came with me to see one and it is good and she said she'd be happy there for a couple of weeks. We've been preparing for the last month - we've talked a bit about it, we've done the questionnaire, we've discussed where we are going for a few days etc. She's been asking for the last few weeks when she was going away - and saying she wasn't looking forward to it and so on. I really try on the communication front - no arguing, trying not to say 'no', I no longer get irritated by constant repetition and questions. I also understand that the nature of the illness means that her reality is very different to mine as it doesn't rely on memory and all the social constructs we use all the time. But tonight she has been saying that I shouldn't have booked this without talking to her, I hadn't told her it was 2 weeks, etc etc. I can take that (just about) but it's just such a dreadful disease that robs an intelligent person (my mother has a 1st class honours degree in maths) of their memory, their reasoning, their understanding etc. I will plough on tomorrow but just wanted to share how this made me feel - sad, miserable and yet again thinking that I'm not doing a good job for my mother.