I saw this theme posted elsewhere and it resonated with me. Many of my conversations with friends, colleague and family are around the situation. Before she went in to NH my weekends were all full of what crisis or problems had arisen. Midweek evenings were a juggle of what needed to be done, visiting and Tetris style slotting it all into a tight timeframe. I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for a phone call at work....frightened to book my diary “what-if”. On trains or car journeys getting crisis calls and deciding whether to ditch work and return or manage from afar. Career choices changed because I knew I couldn’t take on extra responsibilities. I wonder if I can carry on working at all. Practicalities of considering financial consequences: do we fund another hour a day (£600 a month) or cope? Will we end up selling the house to fund care? Emotional challenges....is my mum distressed, depressed, angry...is her behaviour harming my dad? Now I spend a lot of time worrying how she feels (she looks distressed sometimes and mostly agitated) analysing our past relationship when she turns on me. My immediate family relationship because I’m so focused anywhere other than on my family. Facing the inevitable end result and finding yourself hoping it’s not years away. Guilt. Wondering if I’ll get dementia and will my children have this experience. (Laughing as I recall my eldest firmly telling me she will not look after me.) Guilt at wanting to go on holiday and not have this gnawing worry. It felt like a creeping fog that landed on me slowly and I think has changed me forever. The different phases we went through, different challenges - as fast as you thought you’d reacted, adapted, accepted one new normal...another horrible phase looms. DTP is a lovely place to talk with others who get it.