Dementia help

[Elaine W]

Hi , My name is Elaine ,
My Dad has dementia and is 89 years old. Its getting very difficult for my Mum. He wants to go home ,to his childhood home. And see his Mummy . He doesn’t know Mum this evening. What help can I give Mum , maybe some advice . On how we can get Dad to settle down ok. He can get confused and angry. Dad isn’t on any medication. My Mum is doing a fantastic job . But it’s getting harder for her each day. Mum goes out with Dad for a walk each day.
Any suggestions and information on helping Mim and I would be appreciated.
Many thanks Elaine

 

[canary]

Hello @Elaine W and welcome to DTP

Im afraid that this is a stge that people with dementia get to. Your dad has, unfortunately, lost most of his memory and the ones from his childhood are now the clearest ones in his mind, so he thinks that they are recent ones. This is often most apparent in the evenings when they are more confused and tired - the so-called Sundowning effect.

Im afraid that there is nothing you can do to bring the memory back, but you might find that Compassionate Communication will help https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

If he is becoming aggressive or very distressed then the GP or memory clinic might be able to give medication to help calm him down.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome from me too @Elaine W

It`s sad to see your dad like this and must be very difficult for your mum.

When my husband went through these episodes, even if he didn't realise who I was he always knew our son. If this is the same for you, perhaps you can help diffuse the situation as our son was able to do for us. He would take him for a walk or to his house and once the episode passed would bring him back to me.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

The best thing you can do for your mum is get her some help and some time off. This might be carers visiting to look after/sit with your dad while your mum gets a break or a cleaner/gardener/shopper to help with chores. Or you could book your dad into respite care for a few weeks.

As time goes on, it will get harder and harder. Often the person with dementia is worse in the evening or at night and I expect that's when your mum is on her own with him and maybe not getting much sleep. Anything you can do to share the caring duties will help.