My mum was diagnosed with advanced dementia in 2012 although at the time she did not present to me as advanced at all.
My dad also has dementia (moderate) and numerous chronic health complaints which are all in all very serious and currently ongoing. We are constantly attending hospital appointments etc.
Mum and dad had to be separated for their own safety and mental health. THey argued most of the time. Dad wound mum up. They both asked to be separated after 50 years of marriage. Mum was constantly having a go at dad and dad reacted every time and became aggressive due to carer burden on a number of occasions.
It was all agreed that mum would move into residential care. THis lasted 1 year until we were told they could not cope with mum or meet her needs.
So we were rushed into moving her to a Dementia home which happened to be one i had viewed twice before and was the top of my list of dementia homes. Small, homely, friendly staff, quiet lounge which was really important. We were promised an ensuite room and a window she could open at night as she needs the fresh air to help her sleep.
Mobility deteriorated and mum didnt get the room we planned as i was told she couldnt manage the three steps down to it. But she has three steps down to the current room and she always seems to manage it with help. (But current room does have a lift to it so was thought to leave her there would be best).
So no ensuite, or opening window. Both of these are important for mum to sleep well and not worry about getting to the toilet.
Visits from family have triggered agressive behaviour to carers because my dad and sister kept saying they wanted her to come back home. Sister has not accepted mum has advanced dementia and rarely visists. Just feels guilty mum is in a home.
Mum had settled well, but has detriorated due to lack of sleep, and false promises of coming home. THis has gone on for the whole 12 months she has been there. During this time she has had good periods and bad periods. She seems to enjoy some of the activities but says she is bored and has no one to talk to who can hold any sort of conversation. Mum can be very lucid as her dementia fluctates at lot. we think its lewy bodies.
Social services have suggested visits need to be in communal areas so staff can overhhear any ridiculous promises which obviously cause great upset they don't materialise.
So due to agression towards staff, non-compliance with personal care, shouting out for help at night, every night the home cannot cope. THey will make a decision in 2 weeks.
We have had professionals involved to assist the home in dealing with these situations but they cannot manage the situation.
So i'm told if this doesn't work out we need an EMI home for challenging and aggressive behaviour.
Will this be better? Mum is more often than not hardly any trouble when i am around so i suspect the approach used is not right. And i have witnessed situations with other residents that i could have handled better myself.
I guess my question is do i fight to keep her there, or do we look at emi homes and how would this help mum, and dad?
My dad also has dementia (moderate) and numerous chronic health complaints which are all in all very serious and currently ongoing. We are constantly attending hospital appointments etc.
Mum and dad had to be separated for their own safety and mental health. THey argued most of the time. Dad wound mum up. They both asked to be separated after 50 years of marriage. Mum was constantly having a go at dad and dad reacted every time and became aggressive due to carer burden on a number of occasions.
It was all agreed that mum would move into residential care. THis lasted 1 year until we were told they could not cope with mum or meet her needs.
So we were rushed into moving her to a Dementia home which happened to be one i had viewed twice before and was the top of my list of dementia homes. Small, homely, friendly staff, quiet lounge which was really important. We were promised an ensuite room and a window she could open at night as she needs the fresh air to help her sleep.
Mobility deteriorated and mum didnt get the room we planned as i was told she couldnt manage the three steps down to it. But she has three steps down to the current room and she always seems to manage it with help. (But current room does have a lift to it so was thought to leave her there would be best).
So no ensuite, or opening window. Both of these are important for mum to sleep well and not worry about getting to the toilet.
Visits from family have triggered agressive behaviour to carers because my dad and sister kept saying they wanted her to come back home. Sister has not accepted mum has advanced dementia and rarely visists. Just feels guilty mum is in a home.
Mum had settled well, but has detriorated due to lack of sleep, and false promises of coming home. THis has gone on for the whole 12 months she has been there. During this time she has had good periods and bad periods. She seems to enjoy some of the activities but says she is bored and has no one to talk to who can hold any sort of conversation. Mum can be very lucid as her dementia fluctates at lot. we think its lewy bodies.
Social services have suggested visits need to be in communal areas so staff can overhhear any ridiculous promises which obviously cause great upset they don't materialise.
So due to agression towards staff, non-compliance with personal care, shouting out for help at night, every night the home cannot cope. THey will make a decision in 2 weeks.
We have had professionals involved to assist the home in dealing with these situations but they cannot manage the situation.
So i'm told if this doesn't work out we need an EMI home for challenging and aggressive behaviour.
Will this be better? Mum is more often than not hardly any trouble when i am around so i suspect the approach used is not right. And i have witnessed situations with other residents that i could have handled better myself.
I guess my question is do i fight to keep her there, or do we look at emi homes and how would this help mum, and dad?
