Dementia and Recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Janeyblack, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. Janeyblack

    Janeyblack Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    3
    My mum is 83 and has vascular dementia and I have juggled her care at home, until she had a fall and was admitted to hospital. Home care was to be increased as her needs had increased, I do not live with her but go every night after work and days at weekends. A chest xray and then a scan and found terminal lung cancer that is in both lungs. I have looked after her as well as gone to work for the past 10 years, recently her behaviour became more erratic. We just about coped with two calls from carers day and night to administer medication for diabetes and after stroke care. She refused all other help, she was forgetting to eat, drink and was having accidents going to the toilet, so more care had recently been agreed. She has been fast tracked and a nursing home are coming to assess her this Monday. They cannot say exactly how long she has in this world but this may be as little as 12 weeks. She has a fractured arm is very weak, needs help dressing, washing and is wheeled to the toilet. Her home has stairs and steps. She is still eating, but sleeping a lot and forgetful of day and time. She thinks relatives long gone are still here, sometimes forgets where she is and then is adamant she wants to go home. I want her to be safe cared for and loved to the last no matter how hard, she wants to come home, in my heart I want her to have that, sometimes she is so coherent other days not, can we manage at home Can anyone give me advice, I feel in a very dark place, love her so much and want to do the best for her.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,738
    Female
    Scotland
    Janey I feel so sad for you. What a dreadful prognosis. Think through what care will mean for your Mum. If someone else eg in a care home is doing the grunt work you can sit with your Mum and talk with her and hold her hand and concentrate on what she would like.

    If you have to give up work and try to do everything you will be worn down and unable to brighten her last days. Do what you think best but dont feel that martyrdom is the only choice.

    Good wishes to you.
     
  3. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    I too feel very sad for your poor Mum, Janey .You could perhaps contact Macmillan and ask if they have hospice at home services in your area and whether they think it could be a feasible option for them to support you in having your Mum home.

    Best wishes

    Sue
     
  4. Janeyblack

    Janeyblack Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    3
    Will my mum understand her terminal illness prognosis

    Thank you for this. I love her so much and just want to know I am doing my best for her. Her dementia has caused a roller coaster of events and emotions over the last year, and I have done everything I can to manage it. Yes, you are right the home would give us some quality time, and thankyou, I will get in touch with Macmillan. The doctors told her she has cancer but she has forgotten and says she does not know what is wrong with her, do I try and explain. So far I have chosen not too?
     
  5. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    I hadn't thought about your Mum understanding or even needing to understand her diagnosis of lung cancer but was thinking more that they may have expertise in what her nursing needs may be and can support you both. Of course that support/advice can be for wherever she is.

    The Marie Curie organization may also be able to give you help and advice.:)
     
  6. Janeyblack

    Janeyblack Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    3
    Thank you, I can't believe this but last three days she seems so much like my old mum, at home she believed my dad was there who died 12 years ago, asked why old lady in hospital opposite was messing with carrier bags, when she did this not long ago at home. drawers and bags full of strange things, and said it was sad about the old people even though she knew she was old too. It is like her dementia has lessened while in hospital. So mixed up. Feel for all of you out there who are dealing with such difficulties, believe me. Thank you for your concerns. I will contact her GP, the fast track team as too what support can be put into place for her at home, Try and negociate short term change to working pattern, look at different care home, some how don't feel comfortable with this one, staff have sad eyes. i have to go on my instincts, if it is only to be 12 weeks then my life can be on hold to make the most for her and what she wants, but longer term I can see the difficulties and feel for all of you out there living with dementia. xxx
     
  7. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,958
    Your Mum's stay in hospital may have resulted in her being better looked after physically and so she's brighter mentally too.

    If she were my Mum I'd be wanting hospice care (or similar) for her so that I'd have plenty of time to spend on just being with her.
     
  8. Lady in blue

    Lady in blue Registered User

    Mar 6, 2015
    23
    Sheffield
    Please ask the nurses on the ward to refer her to the palliative care team. They are excellent at assessing peoples physical and emotional needs and will know just what to say and what to do.
    Be guided by what they advise but be honest with them about what what you want for your Mum.
    It will be impossuble for them to tell you how long she can live with the cancer but will be able to give you an approximate time scale.
    Regards
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.