Dementia and now Breast Cancer!!!!

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by JackyJ, Apr 22, 2015.

  1. JackyJ

    JackyJ Registered User

    Mar 19, 2013
    52
    Female
    Weston
    Hi

    I don't know what to say......how can it get worse? And then it does.

    My mum was admitted to hospital for assessment following her CH stating she was difficult to handle and could be aggressive. She has vascular dementia in the later stages, and the CH couldn't cope. She's been in hospital for 8 weeks, and seemed to adjust really well, and a changed person, she was less agitated, all was going well until she had a fall, following a push. After an X-ray which showed she was ok she stopped walking and was clearly in pain, 2 weeks later and another X-ray it showed a fractured hip, without anyway of communicating she'd been walking and in pain. The hospital started to investigate and it became apparent she also has breast cancer as well !

    The hospital say she can now go to a NH for dementia and will be on pain meds and hormone treatment for sometime. She's moving in 2 days, to I hope (and have been told) a good NH where she can stay until the end.

    I just hope I'm doing the right thing, she's still in pain and is frail, she's 77 but still eating and tries to walk. She doesn't know who I am, and has started to sing instead of talk in her own language. I do love her so much and can't bear to see her suffer, How long can she endure this, it's so horrible.

    I don't know what I'm asking, I don't know what to say or do, just hoping someone can offer any pearls of wisdom.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Hi Jackie
    Not many pearls of wisdom here Im afraid, but I wanted to offer you some encouragement.
    Mum has moderate/late dementia and is in a care home. Recently she had a "funny turn" (TIA) and the CH called an ambulance. Following this I got a phone call from her GP who wanted to talk about end of life decisions. It was a shock I can tell you, but it has focused my mind on what I would do in a similar position.
    I would do the same thing as you :)
    Im glad she has got a good NH to go to where she can stay till the end and not have any further moves
     
  3. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    229
    Female
    NW England
    Hi Jacky,

    I am sure you are doing the right thing.

    Your poor lovely mum has been through the mill, and now this on top of everything else.

    I hope the nursing home turns out to be lovely and your mum settles well.

    sending you a big (((hug)))

    brambles x
     
  4. JackyJ

    JackyJ Registered User

    Mar 19, 2013
    52
    Female
    Weston
    Mums near the end

    Mum has had dementia for over 10 years, and has been in a nursing home for 6 months. Today the DR said we are in the final stages and spoke about an emergency box that she had authorised the home to use if necessary, containing sedatives, pain relief. As mum is very confused, shouts all the time and is in distress. She keeps falling over and hurts herself, her walking isn't very good following a fractured hip that wend undiagnosed.

    The DR said we may have days or weeks......... I'm so confused, the relief for mum in the torment she is living will be a blessing, but I can't bear to be without her.

    I know I don't know how long I have with her, but I will spend everyday by her side, I've told work that I'm off, I don't know for how long but I need to be there for her.

    I don't know what I'm asking, I'm just asking ........
     
  5. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    Hi Jackie

    I've just read your post and I am so sorry you and your mum have reached this point in her journey. Its so hard to know what to say, but I hope your mum is and remains as peaceful and pain free as possible and that you get to spend some truly precious time together in the days and weeks to come.

    Love and support

    Lavender x
     
  6. turbo

    turbo Registered User

    Aug 1, 2007
    3,851
    Hello Jackie, my heart goes out to you at such a difficult time. You are doing the right thing in taking time off work to spend as much time as possible with your mum.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, there is this terrible conflict between relief and angst; what you feel is best for them and how it makes you feel; between love and fear.

    You dont need to ask anything - we are here to hold your virtual hand.
    Wishing you strength in this difficult time.
     
  8. JackyJ

    JackyJ Registered User

    Mar 19, 2013
    52
    Female
    Weston
    Thank you so much, it's comforting to know there are people out there x
     
  9. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    363
    This is so, so hard for you. Thinking of you and sending best wishes and a virtual hug.
     

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