Dementia and hoarding?

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Josephine5, May 31, 2018.

  1. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
    My lady boss has dementia and over buys and overspends too.the kitchen at work is always in a state and her hubby(My other boss) doesn' do housework. He still expects her to do it and then gets irritated by her not cleaning up.food left out overnight pots not out away etc.i almost feel like doing it myself but I've done it several times now and within a day it' back to square one. Stuff everywhere.anyone else have problems with this? I work there st some point every day apart from Sunday's.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    1,835
    N Ireland
    I know that my kitchen would be in a state if my wife wasn’t supervised and helped by me. Maybe this lady’s husband should contact SS to see what assistance they can be given. Both a person with dementia and their carer are entitled to a needs assessment.

    Here is a link to the AS Factsheet about a needs assessment. I hope it is of some use
    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...assessment_for_care_in_support_in_england.pdf
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    6,015
    Female
    South coast
    Im afraid that this is normal dementia behaviour. Over time your boss will need more and more supervision. Kitchens become dangerous places for PWDs and food being left out is a health hazard.

    I think you will have to think very hard about whether you want to continue working there.
     
  4. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
     
  5. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
    Hi thanks for replying.
    The kitchen is their private kitchen but is still in a state. I have worked there for 13 years and are.my friends as well as my employers so it' quite difficult to just leave.her grown up children have little involvement although I believe ring her every ow and again. I also.donthe cleaning at the pub and have now worked out she is using the ladies toilets in the day when the pub is shut and leaving them in a mess which I am having to clean before I open in the evening.i am in a quanday as to inform her husband of this because he is less than tactful in some circumstances and I don' want it to look like.im accusing his wife of making the mess although it can be no one else.at a loss.im.going away on holiday sooon so he may figure it out himself in.my.absence.....she is only 73 but looks 15 years older.weight loss quite drastic.is it worth getting social services involved? To see if she could get some carers in?
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    6,015
    Female
    South coast
    A very difficult situation for you @Josephine5 . I must say, I would be worried about an Environmental Health Inspection.
    Getting carers in is the most sensible thing to do, but unfortunately it has to go through her husband and if either he, or his wife refuse carers then SS will not insist. Im sure that her husband knows deep down, but it strikes me that he is using a head in the sand strategy. Would it be possible to talk to the husband, or do you think this would be counterproductive?
     
  7. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
     
  8. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
    Probably counterproductive I fear.hes very old school.rent reviewers coming tomorw to view pub including upstairs which is in a state.
    If tried to talk to her husband - he stands and listens rolls his eyes and then ignores most of the advice I give.im very close to them and they rely on me more than ever to help .she would be distraught if I left and to be honest I don' think he's cope very well either.i feel so angry that her children aren' helping when they know the situation. They don' get on with her husband.(They are stepchildren) very much head in the sand for everyone else. Is it possible to organise an assessment without her permission? Or is that a dead end too?
    She insists there's nothing wrong with her and gets quite shirty about the d word. She blames her husband for putting ideas in the consultants head about her dementia diagnosis so has discharged herself from any further dementia care programme from the doctors or hospital
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    6,015
    Female
    South coast
    No, Im afraid that you cant organise an assessment without either her, or her husbands permission, The most you can do is contact SS to express your concern, but TBH, unless it is absolutely urgent I doubt they will do anything.

    Insisting that there is nothing wrong with them is par for the course, Im afraid - the bit of the brain that understands that there is something wrong often gets damaged, so they are totally unable to comprehend that they have dementia (anosognosia) and suggesting otherwise makes them very angry. It sounds like her husband doesnt want to go against her wishes, which rather ties everyones hands. All you can do is encourage him to get extra help. When you go away on holiday it may come as an eye opener to him.
     
  10. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
     
  11. Josephine5

    Josephine5 Registered User

    May 26, 2018
    10
    Thanks for reply. I' doing my best.at some point I think the proverbial will hit the fan and it will have to be addressed.until then I shall just have to carry on and do my bit although stressful. Thanku
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    6,015
    Female
    South coast
    Im afraid that waiting for the crisis is something that happens a lot on here.
    Good luck
     

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