Dementia and divorce

[Neisha]

Has anyone had to deal with a divorce because of dementia? My step mother of 17 years has instigated divorce proceedings against my father. The decree nisi was last week. She has taken most of the furniture, leaving him with just a chair in the sitting room, even took the tv, all he now has is a radio. He lives 70 miles from me, and both my husband and I work full time, so we only see him at the weekends. The hospital is doing various tests as he has atrial fibrillation, and Dad hasn't been formally been diagnosed with any type of dementia, although it is obvious there is something very wrong with his memory. His doctor won't enter into any discussion with me because of patient confidentiality. He is in denial that his wife has left him, and thinks she is coming back even though she has left him with hardly any furniture, and is taking half his savings and house. He tries to ring her everyday, and keeps talking about when she comes back.

I am struggling to try and deal with the divorice solicitor on his behalf, and move forward on helping him to purchase a bungalow in the retirement complex near to me. I am not sure whether it will help him if I pay something towards the house as his savings may not now cover the purchase, as his wife is entitled to half, or whether he should put all his savings into the house. He does not understand anything complicated regarding his finances, and his wife has been coming round getting him to sign various documents, I dread to think what. Until she left, my husband and I had been on reasonable terms with her, but she didn't answer a phone message I left for her. I feel like I have entered a nightmare.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

 

[Havemercy]

Has anyone had to deal with a divorce because of dementia? My step mother of 17 years has instigated divorce proceedings against my father. The decree nisi was last week. She has taken most of the furniture, leaving him with just a chair in the sitting room, even took the tv, all he now has is a radio. He lives 70 miles from me, and both my husband and I work full time, so we only see him at the weekends. The hospital is doing various tests as he has atrial fibrillation, and Dad hasn't been formally been diagnosed with any type of dementia, although it is obvious there is something very wrong with his memory. His doctor won't enter into any discussion with me because of patient confidentiality. He is in denial that his wife has left him, and thinks she is coming back even though she has left him with hardly any furniture, and is taking half his savings and house. He tries to ring her everyday, and keeps talking about when she comes back.

I am struggling to try and deal with the divorice solicitor on his behalf, and move forward on helping him to purchase a bungalow in the retirement complex near to me. I am not sure whether it will help him if I pay something towards the house as his savings may not now cover the purchase, as his wife is entitled to half, or whether he should put all his savings into the house. He does not understand anything complicated regarding his finances, and his wife has been coming round getting him to sign various documents, I dread to think what. Until she left, my husband and I had been on reasonable terms with her, but she didn't answer a phone message I left for her. I feel like I have entered a nightmare.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Hi Neisha - what a difficult situation this is for you and your father. I hope that someone who has been down this or a similar path will be able to advise you but in the meantime my initial thought was that your father is possibly in need of "safeguarding". The link to this is -

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=422

If this were me, I would be phoning whichever Local Authority provides Adult Services (ie Social Services) to discuss matters. It cannot be right that your Step Mother is taking and demanding that legal documents are signed by someone who is evidently lacking capacity to deal with such matters - if he does lack such capacity. Also taking all his furniture and just leaving a chair and radio - in my view this is a form of abuse. Adult Services will be able to advise - it should be confidential but your father is vulnerable and they may be able to assist.

Also, have you attempted to get Power of Attorney in order to deal with your father's affairs? It may still be possible to do this, before he loses capacity to grant such a Power. I did it myself for my mother and it just makes life so much easier. You can download the forms.

Be a bit careful if you do decide to put money towards helping your father buy a bungalow - you will need to make sure that your proportion of the property is clearly delineated in the title deeds, otherwise (if he needs to go into care at a later date) the local authority will look to a sale of the property to cover his care needs. They can't take share of the property which legally belongs to you.

As I said, I do hope someone with more knowledge than me will come along.

 

[Neisha]

Has anyone had to deal with a divorce because of dementia? My step mother of 17 years has instigated divorce proceedings against my father. The decree nisi was last week. She has taken most of the furniture, leaving him with just a chair in the sitting room, even took the tv, all he now has is a radio. He lives 70 miles from me, and both my husband and I work full time, so we only see him at the weekends. The hospital is doing various tests as he has atrial fibrillation, and Dad hasn't been formally been diagnosed with any type of dementia, although it is obvious there is something very wrong with his memory. His doctor won't enter into any discussion with me because of patient confidentiality. He is in denial that his wife has left him, and thinks she is coming back even though she has left him with hardly any furniture, and is taking half his savings and house. He tries to ring her everyday, and keeps talking about when she comes back.

I am struggling to try and deal with the divorice solicitor on his behalf, and move forward on helping him to purchase a bungalow in the retirement complex near to me. I am not sure whether it will help him if I pay something towards the house as his savings may not now cover the purchase, as his wife is entitled to half, or whether he should put all his savings into the house. He does not understand anything complicated regarding his finances, and his wife has been coming round getting him to sign various documents, I dread to think what. Until she left, my husband and I had been on reasonable terms with her, but she didn't answer a phone message I left for her. I feel like I have entered a nightmare.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Thank you for this info Have Mercy, its very useful