Dementia and Cancer

[Soulfood1998]

Hello,
Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be here and need this emotional support. About a year ago my mother was diagnosed with dementia. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and in a week she will have a mastectomy. I am an only child and trying to be strong. I feel like I am doing okay with that. My struggle is her telling people I am mistreating her because I will not allow her to drive, go figure! Is this normal? Should I be concerned? I am looking forward to the support.
A Daughters heart

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hello,
Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be here and need this emotional support. About a year ago my mother was diagnosed with dementia. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and in a week she will have a mastectomy. I am an only child and trying to be strong. I feel like I am doing okay with that. My struggle is her telling people I am mistreating her because I will not allow her to drive, go figure! Is this normal? Should I be concerned? I am looking forward to the support.
A Daughters heart

Hi @Soulfood1998 sorry you are here with this. My dad has oesophagul cancer diagnosed last April. Thing is he has forgotten. His dementia has worsened over the last few weeks because he was I'm hospital with pneumonia and some other things and he is now like a little boy .

I sympathise with you but we can only do our best which sometimes is sadly not good enough. I stopped dad driving 18 months ago and he has got over it now. According to him he stopped of his own free will .

Dad is terminal with no treatment other than stents. I doubt they would give your mum this op without it being necessary but it is very hard on you. My dad is as happy as Larry at the moment even forgetting that he only came out of hospital yesterday after 3 weeks of hell.

Sorry I am not a lot of support but you are not on your own.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Soulfood1998, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Unfortunately what you describe is very common but you have come to the right place for understanding and support. Given your mother's condition you may find the section of the forum that can be found with this link to be of particular use https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/caring-for-a-person-with-dementia-and-cancer.81/

Apart from that, I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Grable]

Yes, Soulfood1998, it does seem to be quite normal. Your mum probably doesn't remember that she has dementia and so won't understand why she can't drive. Maybe you could remind her that she was about to have / had had a major operation and point out that driving now would invalidate her insurance? Would that wash with her, do you think? From what I've read on this site and from my own experience, it seems that the physical problems are generally easier to cope with - for carer and cared-for, than the mental.