I have purposefully looked at recent photos and videos taken in the care home of Bridget that have upset me. Being upset connects me again with her in a much more raw way
as I don’t want to lose the intimacy that longing and upset brings.( does this make sense?)
. I get uncomfortable with not missing her so much, getting used to being on my own and beginning to forget what our life together was like. I’m afraid I’ll forget it all and that I’ll have nothing left of the feelings I had and have for her. So I upset myself to force those longing grieving feelings back.
as I don’t want to lose the intimacy that longing and upset brings.( does this make sense?)
. I get uncomfortable with not missing her so much, getting used to being on my own and beginning to forget what our life together was like. I’m afraid I’ll forget it all and that I’ll have nothing left of the feelings I had and have for her. So I upset myself to force those longing grieving feelings back.