I’m worried, really worried that Bridget will now go downhill quite quickly.
I visited yesterday and we tried to get her to walk but, in addition to the damage from the fall, her dementia could stop her remembering how to walk. The home warned me of this. Her ankles are already beginning to be swollen due to the lack of movement.
I felt so sorry for her stuck and isolated in her room. She claps a lot now for communication and as I left to go home I could hear her clapping on her own. She immediately brightened the moment I arrived , as if the loneliness had been lifted by seeing me, just me , as someone special. We shared her meal and she wanted to kiss me a lot.
God, it’s so hard leaving her. I’m tempted to go in every day just to keep her company but I know that would be difficult. How long would that last? Do I go in everyday initially until she can be brought downstairs?
I’m in a whole new set of upsets and dilemmas now and it’s tearing me apart. Not only have I lost my Bridget to dementia, she is now on her own, lonely, isolated and probably feeling miserable. When she was ok and downstairs and walking she could see people and had company, albeit affected by dementia.
But I can’t realistically keep her company all day, everyday, can I? So the guilt and the sense of not doing enough overwhelms me. And I’m stuck with this image of her, on her own, a prisoner, just sitting there frustrated.
I lean on you guys far too much with my problems, I know that, so I feel a bit selfish in that respect. Please forgive me.
peter